By Nancy Thompson and Arya Stark

I was going to write some long-winded and (possibly) funny intro to this, but…..ain’t nobody got time for that.

So, without further ado…..we bring you the 3 Stars of the 2017 season! Voted on by YOU – the BTSH public!

(Note: As tempting as it is, I will not call out the people who voted for themselves for the 3 stars. But…you know who you are.)

First, let’s start with some honourable mentions (I spelled honorable that way for all you Canadians out there). These people received many votes, but not quite enough to crack the top 3 spots.

Hono(u)rable mentions

 

Tia – Everybody’s favorite nondescript bird (Is it a seagull? An eagle?? What is it??!) got a lot of love from her fellow BTSHers in this voting process. Reasons given for selecting Tia were all over the map. This is unsurprising, because, Tia is awesome for many reasons. Some people mentioned her stellar photography, and how they look forward to it each week (eat your heart out, Jamie B.). Others mentioned her team spirit and everlasting commitment to her Rainbows. The women’s scrimmage came up several times, but the most prevalent theme was plain and simple: She embodies what BTSH is all about. Period.

Ed P. – Gut Rot’s new franchise goalie and winner of the 2017 nice guy award kept popping up in the votes. Reasons ranged from “He saved Gut Rot” to “He is the savior of Gut Rot” to “He carried our team” to “Ed, please never leave us” (I made that last one up). But, even aside from those, people also mentioned how nice and laid-back of a guy he is, and how great he is on and off the court. Welcome to BTSH, Ed.

Zac Hogg – Went from an unknown rookie to a very hairy and well-known rookie. Finished third in the league in goals as What The Puck more than doubled their point total, going from 10 points and a 19 seed to 21 points and a 9 seed. He almost led them to a first round upset, scoring on his first shift in the opening round against the LBS before dropping a hard fought 4-3 decision. More importantly, Zac has proved to be an indispensible part of the community in participating in the bylaws committee, helping organize the 1st Annual Walker (not Walkar) Tournament, reffing a ton of games (including the championship) and generally being an affable Canadian presence at the bar. He may not have won rookie of the year, but he’s the current frontrunner for sophomore of the year and definitely snores louder than anyone in the league. Pause.

The Herr Sisters – Cheeky and Sarah won best duo at the BTSH awards but deserve additional recognition for their many fine talents. Sarah helped her team pull a first round upset over Cobra Kai and almost shock the world by beating eventual champion Fresh Kills. She also won prom queen, convinced Hicks to shave his beard and is now well on her way to becoming the bionic woman. Meanwhile, Cheeky was instrumental in planning the BTSH prom and generally attending all league events, even coming to the Rain Day Tournament when she wasn’t playing to cheer on her friends, drink heavily and kind of die. She also engaged in the most incredible promposal perhaps ever, a display of 80s love not seen since the days of John Cusack.

Danielle H. – The former Commish was given kudos by a handful of BTSHers who wanted to acknowledge that she did a good job under tough circumstances, and that was she was never really given credit for her efforts.

Charlotte – Charlotte got several votes. We cannot figure out why. That girl is the worst.

Karsten Pichon – The ageless wonder of BTSH was finally inducted into the Hall of Fame this year. At 43 years old, he tied for fourth in goals with almost rookie of the year Zac Hogg and led his 8th seeded LBS to a final four run. He also played a part in one of the most incredible moments of the season when, less than 48 hours after his mothers passing, he showed up in the middle of the second half of game against Filthier and proceeded to pick up a hat trick in ten minutes, the final goal being scored as time expired. The LBS rushed the court to mob him, gave him the game ball and, this being the day of the Olympics, picked up over 100 beers (while Alex made a specialty cocktail that nearly killed multiple league members). Karsten’s the league’s all-time leading goal scorer and the heart and soul of a LBS team that will always be a contender as long as he’s on the roster.

Alex F – This guy is so hot.

Phil Donohue – The longtime captain of the Anklebiters was finally honored as Captain of the Year at the BTSH awards. Phil was instrumental, as always, in stepping up to work with the social committee in setting up the BTSH Olympics, which returned a year ago and are here to stay. In addition to being at the forefront of all the Anklebiters’ hijinks that we love so much, Phil has worked tirelessly for many years behind the scenes to keep the league fun, and social. He never expects any thanks or recognition, and he never got any……until this year.

The West Court Fence – In the words of alpha male Brian Hicks: “for standing strong and maintaining its integrity despite life & Glanzer trying to run through it.”

Jenn’s Left Breast – Never forget.

Rich Glanzer – Nope.

Even Arya and I got a few votes each….aww, shucks. You guys.

The Winners Circle

3rd Star of 2017: Diana Marko – It’s been quite an eventful year for Diana. She was appointed to the social committee and headed up the organization in a banner year for league social events. Olympics, the All-Star Game, the weekly events – all of it came from the social committee and/or the Anklebiters, and Diana was a part of both. She was instrumental in finding new bars for us to try, some of which shockingly had this thing called “natural light.” Did we forget anything? Oh, yea – PROM! Marko finally made BTSH Prom happen, something which has been discussed for years. And now she’s engaged! Congrats on a truly incredible season.

2nd Star of 2017: Brian Cronauer – All you have to say is Cro and people will either smile or be ready to beat you with a beer bottle. Love him or hate him, he is for sure one of the most involved members in the league. He’s one of the captains of the Hookers who went from 18th to 3rd in the span of just one year. He refs games, attends almost every league event (as long as vape pens haven’t totally knocked him out of commission), sits on the bylaws committee (even if he’s skipped both meetings thus far) and is a genuinely good and likable guy so long as you’re not playing against or getting in a social media war with him. Oh, and he’s a decent hockey player too, hosting the BTSH Pond Hockey Classic at his lakehouse this offseason. Cro may do some things that rub people the wrong way like shit-talking playoff opponents on social media, but one thing’s for sure: the league is a far more interesting place with him in it.

 

1st Star of the 2017 season, drumroll please…….

Isaac – I don’t even know where to begin. This guy does so much for the league that it even rivals Newman (we miss you, Newman). Of course, I will start with the media. Poor Isaac. When all of us slacker website writers were off living it up – hanging out with friends, traveling around the world, rollerskating hand in hand, winning pizza eating contests, etc…….Isaac was working, to entertain and inform all of us. Whenever one of us slacked on a deadline…he wrote it himself. Whenever one of us promised him an article that never materialized…he wrote it himself. When one of us (who shall remain nameless) was violently ill from eating enough pizza to kill a horse…Isaac wrote it himself. His enduring commitment to the website is something that we all love, and we all truly appreciate…but we rarely acknowledge. Well BTSHers, you sure acknowledged this time. Isaac got votes from all across the league, every team felt that he deserved this honor. Some reasons given for voting Isaac were “He saved the media”, “He does a ton for the league, especially the media”, and “He is so handsome, I wanna have his baby”. In addition to the INSANE amount of time and effort this guy puts into the media, he also refs, co-captains Karma, is one of the nicest people in the league, is always willing to help out the social committee and any other league efforts, captained a tournament team AND bought them all brand new rad shirts, plus he cured cancer in his spare time. Dear editor-in-chief and huge asset to the league – we salute you.