As we near the halfway point of the season let’s take a look at where teams are standing and what they need moving forward into the summer stretch of the season.?

Fuzz at Butchers

By The Meatbox

Fuzz

Where are they? Currently in 5^th in their division and 10^th overall with a +2 goal differential.

What do they need? Advil. The championship hangover is real in Fuzz nation and they need to get it out of their system if they’re going to avoid relegation for the second time in three years. Getting Mike T going wouldn’t hurt either.

Butchers

Where are they? Currently in 5^th in their division and 16^th overall with a -3 goal differential.

What do they need? Consistency. In the span of three weeks this team has beaten the Rehabs and lost to the Riots. Will the real Butchers please stand up?

Prediction: Ever since Jeff left the Butchers for Fuzz, Fuzz has not lost this game. While nothing lasts forever, I expect this streak to continue given the Butchers will be without Cheeky who has recently discovered her scorer’s touch. Fuzz 4 Butchers 2.

Dark Rainbows at Gut Rot

(Aka “The battle of the league’s two most beloved teams”.)

written by Not Isaac

The ‘Bows

Where are they?  17th in the league, with a goal differential of (gulp) -16. 

What do they need? Some secondary scoring, to tighten up on defense, and…some secondary scoring. (Jessica, I’m looking at you.)

The Rot

Where are they?  Dead last in the league, with a goal differential of (yikes) -27. 

What do they need?  People to start showing up. Attendance issues have plagued them. Also, the Rainbows to show up really drunk? Or, the Rainbows to not show up at all? 

Prediction: The Rainbows may not win the title of the most beloved team in BTSH (due to Yetter), but they do win this game (due to Yetter). 3-1, ‘Bows. Mr. Two-Goal Game has….another two-goal game.

Tompkins Square Riots at Mega Touch

Riots

Where are they?  Currently sitting at fourth in their division and nineteenth overall in the league with a puzzling goal differential of -11 goals.

What do they need?  How about more of that ass-kicking they gave the Butchers!  We all know what Dave, Margot and Big Kev bring every week, but now the spotlight is starting to shine on Dan.

Mega

Where are they? Currently sitting at second in their division and eleventh overall in the league with a staggering goal differential of -8 goals.

What do they need?  That detective fellow to show his inquisitive mug on more a regular basis.  Plus they could use a good nap in-between brunch and hockey.

Prediction: Mega and Riots trade a couple of early goals before settling down and locking horns in the second.  With under five minutes to play American Jeff scores the GWG to send Canadian Jeff off on a winning note.  6-5 Mega.

Mathematics at Corlears Hookers

By Arya Stark

Mathematics

Where are they?  Currently in 14th place overall and 4th out of 5 teams in their division with a middling 3-4 record.  They’ve got some good players, but their three wins have come against teams with four combined wins among them – not a great sign.

What do they need?  Better play from the defense, as they have somehow allowed the 3rd most goals in the league.  Only the Rainbows and Gut Rot have allowed more.

Corlears Hookers

Where are they?  After a down year where they finished in 10th, the Hookers are in 2nd place with their only loss of the season coming to the 1st place LBS.

What do they need?  Goal scoring.  They’ve allowed the least goals in the league but their scoring pace has been middling.  Get that Evan Williams out of Cro’s hands, at least until after the game is over (unlikely).

Prediction: The Hookers have been rolling all season and I don’t see why they would stop now.  4-1 purple.

Gouging Anklebiters at Cobra Kai

written by Not Isaac

Biters

Where are they?  Currently they are 3rd in the entire league (??!) with a goal differential of +15 (right now JW’s mouth is watering at this number of pluses). 

What do they need? Probert and friends. Always Probert and friends. Oh, and Craig. Definitely Craig. 

Cobra Kai

Where are they?  They are currently a surprising 7th in the league, with an even more surprising only +5 goal diff. 

What do they need?  Liam to heal. We hope this is not true, but rumor has it that Liam recently got injured. Additionally, they need to solidify who their goalie will be. Because without a goalie this team is like Russ without the drama: disappointing.

Prediction: Last time these two teams met it got kind of ugly. It will go down quite differently this time around, with the Biters taking it 4-2.