I’m preparing these in between chell games here at my friend’s place in the 6IX (see video linked below if you don’t know which city that is) before watching some tennis by York University. Hopefully we won’t get too close to Jane and Finch, but I did successfully make it through 4 months living in Weston so these box scores should hopefully be finalized before Sunday unless my work laptop is robbed by Roberts point (Suns out, guns out = snipe = gun = snipe = Roberts = NEWMAN).


Well, we made it (finally…!) On to the box scores…


FK 1 @ ‘biters 3

FK – Gabe (7)

Goalie Loss – Patty B (6-3-1, GAA of 2.40)

GANK – Probert x2 (18), Chris B (4)

Goalie Win – Timmy B (4-2 and shortly 4-3, GAA of 2.00 but rising)

Game Notes: Are Fresh Kills just lulling us all into a false sense of security? Yes, just remember that win against Rehabs just a few short weeks ago! (Oh look, such detailed box scores, much wow).



Gut Rot 2 @ Rainbows 5

Bitzez – #AkhilNation (6), Ramon S (7)

Goalie Loss – Ed “just post my GAA already” P (4-7, GAA of 3 point Johnny T)

Rainbows – Dan C via FA, Michael “I don’t always score – since I play for Rainbows – but when I do, I score in bunches” Yetter x2 (4), Juan-Karl-0 Stanton (2), Kat “Dragon” C (1)

Goalie Win – David “#myHotLegs2018” G (2-9, GAA of 3.33)

Game Notes: Greenwald emailed me the game sheet for his own game. Which I thought was odd, but then I presumed the inevitable, a defeat for the Gut Rot at the hands of some Dank Rainbows.

Quick Shifts: Did Rainbows just replace Gut Rot as league sweethearts? (I just threw up a little in my mouth typing that, but I’m sure that’s related to my travel and not typing out that preceding sentence)



‘biters 1 @ Fuzz 4 (game started Week 13, 17 minutes completed on Sunday from 2-1 Fuzz)

GANK – Probert (was his 15th, still at 17)

Goalie Loss – Timmy B (4-3, GAA of 2.29)

Fuzz! – Miles x3 (completed hat trick on Sunday for his 15th), Mike Teyt (16)

Goalie Win – Coach (10-1-1, GAA of 2.42)

Game Notes: There was little shade to be thrown around on Sunday, hopefully everyone had some sunscreen on.



Math 1 @ Fuzz 3

Math – Zach of the Norri Clan (3)

Goalie Loss – David L (3-8, GAA of whatever a gallon is, in litres)

Fuzz – Mike Teyt (17), Jeff x2 (16)

Goalie Win – Coach (11-1-1, GAA of 2.31)

Game Notes in a Meme:

The new dank meme in Mathland. Unfortunately last time I checked the standings, Fuzz wasn’t and isn’t straight trash (although they might have been alluded to as such, in reference to 2017 standings in a previous box score post, when Hicks played for them last year). They were straight dehydrated on Sunday, however.

Quick Shifts: Since Fuzz now have three players with more than 15 goals…is that the equivalent of having three 40 (or 50?!) goal scorers in the show?



Demons 3 @ Riots 1

Demons – Rubens (1), Zach “he be” Fein (5), Brian Bats (1)

Goalie Win – Zach L (3-7-1, GAA of 3.18)

Riots – David “Danton’s Favourite Agent” Frost (3)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (3-9-1)



Mega Clutch 2 @ DaPucks 0

Mega – Jeff “The B stands for Brains and Brawn” B (8), Jeff “The H doesn’t stand for Height” H (4)

Goalie Shutout Win: Tuckman (4-7-1, 2nd Shutout)

Goalie Loss – Scott H (5-8, GAA of 3 point Ovi)

Game Notes: Shelly, Alex EM and Tuckman (but mostly Shelly as she played the whole game) fended off DaPucks for what is probably a franchise record (low) 5th shutout this season (after not being shutout all of last year) in a high event hockey game that saw Jeff B and Eric D take it to WTP all game with their dump and chase gameplan. Jeff showed WTP what it looks like if you play big out there in Orange (and White and Black) a la Eric Lindros, being the clear difference maker with his GwG midway through the second frame. He also made sure to knock over Bagel Zac as he tried one of his not for the faint of the Brooklyn heart post-up power moves, making him look like a Beta Soy Boy in the process (this bit is just included so Hicks can get a laugh; the integrity of the statement is as accurate as saying Sig knocked down some ‘biters to get the shady side of the courts on Sunday). The B in Bagel stands for Beta.

Trending: Scott leaves for a couple weeks in August and left his best effort out there on court on Sunday, making numerous miraculous (how did that not go in?) saves in the first half to keep it scoreless at the break but the goose egg was not to be as Mega finally broke through in the second half and never looked back.

Northern Lingo: Will Arnett would say that Julie was totally being a goal suck. She could have at least tried some deking. (Again, this passage is just to post the link, and is as accurate as saying that the Shortis snubbed me off their OCMD roster…I would have defected anyways)



Rehabs 2 @ Pounds 6

Rehabs – Brian “I only screen for sunscreen” Hicks (5), Andy “Bathgate” M (2)

Goalie Loss – Eric R (5-3, GAA of 2.25)

Pounds – #NotTheOriginalScottyK x3 (18), Jake “Charlie” Chaplin (4), Ajay “Anze” G x2 (3)

Goalie Win – Sizzler (7-3-2, GAA of 1.92)

Game Notes: Why did the other Div 1 teams plan their weeks off against Los Blancos this year?



Gremlins 1 @ Poos 4

Gremlins – “Inanimate Carbon” Rod (2)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (8-4-2, GAA of 2.07)

Poutine – John C x2 (4), Mike “I really hope we got the name right” Pelt (4), Brian “Recently got a haircut” Sulli (5)

Goalie Win – Teddy (2-0, GAA of 2)

Game Notes: If you’re a fan of the water (who isn’t if they live in the NY Metro?) and up for some seafood on your curds, Garde Manger in Old Montreal is known for its Lobster Poutine.

Quick Shifts: Casilli looked like Casillas out there as Jerome might say, looking to be in champions league like top drawer footy hockey form with two snipes early in this game….Sulli is now not only rocking a new do but a 3 game goal scoring streak….Walker was a minus 2 early, but good thing they play – oh nevermind, don’t look at next Sunday’s game, it might not get any better.



Kai 3 @ Karma 2 (F/OT)  

CK –Liam (8), Rachel “I’ll just tie it up late and then score a not quite controversial OT winner” Longley x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Campbell “the W stands for Win” Weaver (10-0-2, GAA of 1.08)

IK – “S”Cory V (5), Brianna V (5)

Goalie OT Loss – Steve F (3-6-1)

Game Notes: Looking ahead to 2019 after such a controversial goal to end this game, Friedman’s presser after the game went a little like this.

Quick Shifts: When told that CK won in OT, our CK beat reporter asked if the final score was 3-2, (since we know they haven’t let in more than that, sans shootouts, all season). Campbell was reportedly shocked (where is that Photo from the OCMD Crab Shack when you need it?) when we got it spot on, but what else is new?

Trending: Outside of Week 4 (Brianna) and Week 5 (Cory), Brianna and Cory have markers in the same games, respectively – weeks 2, 3, 11, and 15 are no anomaly!



Filthier 3 @ Butchers 1

Filthier – OP James x2 (13), Sunny (14)

Goalie Win – Tim K (12-3, GAA of 1.80)

Butchers – SUPER DAVE (3)

Goalie Loss – Ed P via Gut Rot BITZES an approved League Sub?

Game Notes: SUPER (fka Fast) Dave hit thirty speed on Sunday. (American English LINK)

Quick Shifts: If we had a segment going over the errors in our posts, we’d note that we had Tim for win 10 twice last week and that he was 11-3 and now 12-3, hence the inconsistency between write ups.



Sky Fighters 2 @ Corlears Hookers 0

Sky – James McQ (8), Amanda A via FA (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – OG James (3-8-1, 2nd Shutout)

Goalie Loss – Dustin (5-5-1, GAA of 2.17)

Game Notes: RNV noted that there was a foot in the crease calling back a goal for the Hookers, not that you wouldn’t have heard about that already! #FactualNews



Tweets of the Week

Bobby Luu gets a feature for Week 15, well not really a true feature as we could never do his great social media work any justice on this BTSH “segment”. #DoubleClick

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