Attention: the L train is not operational this weekend in Manhattan and parts of Brooklyn. For those of you that rely on this train to get to the courts, please research alternative routes and budget additional travel time in order to arrive before your game.
Denim Demons at LBS, Inc.
by Chairwoman Rachel and Cheekbones
The Demons may want a pound of flesh but they’ll be hard-pressed to take down the 2018 suped up version of the Lbs. Lbs are a good team that occasionally flirts with their dirty side but strive to listen to the good angel on their shoulder(or good show tunes in some cases). That angel’s name is Ali. Let this be written…maybe the first time anyone has called Ali an angel. The girls wears rings with skulls. Will the Demons drag them down into a more physical game? Potentially. Will Ali threaten people with her skull rings? Probably. Let’s keep the ice packs nearby, and maybe a leather strap to bite on. I can set a leg in a pinch (I’ve seen it done on the Grey’s Anatomy when their plane crashes in the woods).
Scotty keeps to himself but if you can get him to open up he’ll tell you a little about how he feels, particularly that he’s psyched to return to, and survive, prom this year.
Demons have only caught 3 W’s so far this season. We are predicting the 4th isn’t going to happen this Sunday.
Aside: I know we are only supposed to talk about BTSH in this, but Roberts demonstrated some solid hand shaking sportsmanship on Tuesday night, and also, happy this didn’t happen.
Cobra Kai at Filthier
by Arya Stark
The undisputed game of the week features two of the best teams in the league squaring off with first place on the line. Cobra Kai currently sit in the #1 spot and have yet to be outscored in a game this year, with two LOLshootout losses the only blemishes on their record. Filthier has won six games in a row and currently sit in the top position in the top division, #3 overall. If Cobra Kai wins they’ll solidify their hold on the top spot while a win by Filthier would vault them ahead of Cobra Kai and into either first or second depending on how Fuzz’s game against Gut Rot goes (a result that, need we remind you, is far from guaranteed).
Cobra Kai has amassed quite the collection of talent up front – Tom, Olivier, Will, Siena, The Provider, Rachel of last week’s two goal game…it’s a lot for any team to handle which makes it mildly surprising that they’ve only put in 38 goals this season compared to 51 for Filthier (albeit in one less game). Filthy has largely been riding an MVP caliber season from James but it may surprise you to learn he’s actually not their leading scorer. That honor belongs to Sunny who has as many goals as the top two scorers on Cobra Kai combined(and one of those guys is a defenseman). One player to watch for is Ryan who picked up his first of the season on a left wing snipe against the Rehabs and will be relied upon to provide secondary scoring for the guys in black. It’s a close call between these two forward units but when in doubt, go with the team who has the single biggest difference maker…
Liam gets a decent amount of hype as an elite player, and yet he might still be one of the most underrated guys in the league (both as a player and a surprise Monday morning troll). His defensive instincts are on point and he’s one of the only players who consistently puts in goals from defense (trust me, that shit is not easy). Paired with either Dani or LJ, it’s a tough matchup for any forward unit to overcome. Filthier has a solid structure in front of Tim and a legitimate franchise defenseman in JJ, but there’s a reason Cobra Kai has allowed the least goals in the league, and it’s not just Campbell.
EDGE: Cobra Kai
…but then again, a lot of it is definitely Campbell. He’s a big goalie with great positioning, solid rebound control and the voice of an angel. Currently in the midst of a strong #notmysophomoreoftheyear, he’s given up only 11 goals in his 11 games played. Tim K, however, is one of the few goalies in the league who can give him a run for his money. While his statline isn’t quite as impressive, his play has been every bit as good as any goalie this year.
It’s tempting to give the edge here to Filthier and their vets. Although they’ve suffered heavy personnel losses the past two seasons, the core is still intact and they have as much big game experience as anyone in the league. But Cobra Kai, despite a statement win over the Rehabs and a tight shootout loss to the LBS in a game where they led 2-0 (and which, for all intents and purposes, is basically a tie decided by an arbitrary post-game skills competition), still kind of gets the side eye from many pundits who attribute their awesome record to a weak strength of schedule. Rest assured the dojo hears those whispers and their leadership will be extra motivated to put those notions to bed with a swift kick to the face.
EDGE: Cobra Kai
Prediction: While just about everyone was predicting an inevitable Fresh Kills/Rehabs championship rematch prior to the season, no one bothered to tell these teams. Most believed Filthier would remain a top six team, but few had them sweeping their season series with the Fresh Kills. Most believed Cobra Kai would cruise to a division title, but few had them at #1 in the league with only three games to go. This one could really go either way, and both teams will have their chances to pull away…but in the end, despite the best efforts of James, Sunny & co, Cobra Kai will make a statement and pick up a tight 3-2 win.
Dark Rainbows at Mathematics
Fresh off a big win over Gut Rot, the Dark (not fart) Rainbows come into this one looking for their first win streak since 2016 (Sultan fact check please). Despite misspelling his first name, Bryan L has proven to be a solid addition to the team as he is leading the team in scoring and clearly making up for all of Jessica’s deficiencies as a runner/racer. With solid captaining from Tia, Greenwald and Cat, these are not your 2017 Rainbows and that’s not just because it’s 2018. They also play good defense and seem to have an underrated amount of depth with an obvious example of this being Yetter’s solid 2 goal performance last weekend. With Karl and Matt on the wings and Cat holding down the fort defensively, this team could absolutely cause some havoc for the Mathematics.
On the other side we have Math and their smokin’ hot captain, Sarah. Seeing as how my poetry to her was so beloved at the Olympics, I have written another one for this game:
Roses are red
Eli’s a goon
Sarah is back(!!!!!)
Rainbows make sad woo woo
You heard it here first, Sarah is back and ready to lead Math back in to the win column. With herr and Sam leading the charge defensively, John providing offensive pressure and with some tasteful gooning by Eli thrown in for good measure, it’s looking like Math might be just a bit too much for the Rainbows to handle. Look for Math to take this game 4-1 with Amy adding to her goal total for the year.
Instant Karma at Butchers
by Jess (really it’s just jess and nothing else) D
Matt is animal
Nicole is a sleeper pick
Karma’s proven they can score
Except when they lost
To cobra kai it was sick*
Butchers also lost
But fast Dave could change that fact
Tarzan score goals- lots
They have some guy named Creamy
Dana has scoring tact
Karma scores early
Butchers tie it up next half
Butchers win 3-2
Corlears Hookers at Tompkins Square Riots
by Chica Malcriada
Sam of the strong arm
Hookers cannot be beaten
Sarah is solid
Dave GDR wall
L-Mac and Sharif are hot
Get the ball to Frost
Riots push back hard
Hookers too much to handle
Cro pops ACL