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Around the League – Week 11

By Isaac On July 15, 2019 · Add Comment

Sky Fighters ground out a hard win against a formidable Riots team.

The Riots then trudged over to the West Court and played an epic game against Instant Karma that featured 5 ties, 3 lead changes and 12 goals. The two goals by Alex EM (on loan from Mega) propelled Karma to victory.

Sky Righters remained on the East Court, and briefly in the shade, as they played a whopper of a game against the mighty forces of the Dark Rainbows. Sky Fighters won again.

LBS, Inc. upended Math’s quest for consecutive Ws. However, after the game Tadpole and other Mathematicians were invited into the LBS’s Man Tent where they were entertained with spirits and a vintage magazine.

With Ariel’s son and family in attendance Fresh Kills fought back against the Butchers and added two more points to their season total. (Get well, Pete!)

Always a friendly affair when the Pucks and Mega square off. NOT. A heavy game that nearly went to OT as the Orange Crush were able to finish off the Touches in regulation.

The Biters’ have been a goal scoring machine this season and rolled Fuzz by hanging 5 on them.

Campbell was back in town for the Squirrels championship and also helped his old dojo thwart a dangerous Habs team.

Filthier handed the Hookers their second loss of the season causing lots of raised eyebrows around the league.

The Demons against Gremlins game wasn’t exactly, uh, friendly and needed a shootout to decide the victor. Two points went to House Demons.

The Pous poured more than sugar over Gut Rot by scoring goals.

Both the Pous and Grems played their make-up game which ended up being a nail biter with the Grems taking home bragging rights.

See you next week!

Week 11 Previews – Part 2

By Isaac On July 12, 2019 · Add Comment

Dark Rainbows at Sky Fighters

By Tracy Demon

Whichever side wins this game is going to get a much-needed confidence boost. Both teams are on a bit of a slide and desperately looking to get back in the W column. In their last match the ‘Bows came out blazing and shocked the Demons by scoring two goals in the first few minutes before falling victim to the Neil scoring juggernaut. The Sky Fighters have shown grit against talented teams like LBS and Butchers and have eked out a couple of exciting OT wins over lower-division teams. Speaking of grit, who else witnessed Emily almost beat a member of the publicbeerbong crew in a push-up contest two weeks ago? It was impressive. Advice to the Rainbows: don’t get distracted by Emily’s guns, make sure both Tarnow and Yetter show up, have Jess score another goal, and don’t leave Mia open in front of the net. Advice to the Sky Fighters: switch the tape in Greenwald’s boom box (first make sure his in-game tunes come from an old-school boom box) to play heavy metal layered with subliminal messages that confound the Rainbows defense, causing them to drop their sticks and wander around in circles.

Prediction: Some say it’s lame to predict games going to overtime, but I really do think this one will, and I need to be true to my convictions. Sky Fighters 3-2 OT SO.

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Week 11 Previews – Part 1

By Isaac On July 11, 2019 · Add Comment

Instant Karma at Tompkins Square Riots

Players to Watch Out For

Karma – when Heather’s not chasing ambulances or stroking Steven’s ego she’s delivering bone-crushing checks to opponents in the neutral zone. Her appetite for bloody marys makes her one of the fiercest defensive forwards in all the league.

Here’s Heather sizing up her next victim.

Riots – rumor has it that Katie has had this game circled on her calendar since the schedule game out. She’s no fan of injustice justice which makes her the oxymoron of the team with her faith unfaithful that keeps her falsely true to the game.

Prediction: Karma’s red-headed goon sets the tone early by taking out Big Bank Vanck, but Kevin Z and Margot respond with two quick goals to close out the first half. The second half is tug of war for possession, but Matt S gets caught admiring his own reflection in Dan’s goggles as Suz buries the game winner for the Riots, 3-2.

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2019: Week 10 Box Scores – Scoring Highlights

By Ball Hogg On July 9, 2019 · Add Comment

Truly halfway through the season after 9 games played for most, if not all, teams, Week 10 brought some competitive divisional play with only 1 game having a goal margin greater than 2 goals (and it was only by 3).

On to the box scores…

Mega Touch 3 @ Gut Rot 1

Mega – Eric D (2), Jules (2), Inspector Jones (2)

Goalie Win – Mike T (4-3, GAA 2.08)

Rut Rot – Gilligan (1)

Goalie Loss – Peter Parker via FA

Game Notes: Julie brings ringers like Matt Jones to BTSH then calls him “inspector” so that even Alexa cannot figure it out its her Shortis teammate. Brilliant.

Pounds 2 @ Rehabs 1 F/SO

Pounds – Austin via FA

Goalie Win – Sizzler (6-1, GAA 1.86)

Shootout Winner – Avery E

Habs – Mo R (4)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Eric R (2-1-1, GAA 1.71)

Game Notes: Front runner for MVP at the halfway mark, the Pounds sub list came through again for the sterlings as they down the Rehabs in a controversial shootout. Where is the video review?!

Editor’s Note: There is no MVP award, and thus all subjective halfway mark rankings of anything in nature, such as power, are pointless. Like ranking WTP players ahead of CK players in subjective weekly or annual votes! How could The Person Writing the Three Stars do such a thing? #notmyFSOTW

Sky Fighters 0 @ Instant Karma 3

Goalie Loss – Eric R via Les Habitants

IK – Brianna V (2), Derek Zed (7), Scory Cory V (3),

Goalie Shutout Win – Max Moscow via FA

Game Notes: Instant Karma take advantage of a Sky Fighters streaking in the wrong direction to create more space in their division’s relegation zone.

Advncd Anlytcs: Similar to the pattern we noted in 2018, Brianna and Scory find the scoresheet in the same game once again. If one scores, you need to cover the other!

CK 2 @ FK 0

CK – Captain LJ (1), Captain Liam (3)

Goalie Shutout Win – Peter Parker via FA

Goalie Loss – Shawn H via FA

Game Notes: Evil Dojo take advantage of no Gabe and no Ariel to get back in the win column.

Advncd Anlytcs: Is Liam quietly the Grabner of BTSH? All I see is him scoring empty netters in every CK one goal game. I also thought he was injured. Nice to see you back!

Comic Strip: Burkhardt delivers in a back to back effort. Oh wait, that’s right, he didn’t have to play against Gabe this time. Instead, here’s probably some of the game tape that’s been passed around the CK email threads as of late…

Hookers 5 @ GANK 3

Hookers – Sarah N (2), Cro (1), Pigozzi (3), “Bill” Guerin x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Dustin O (6-0, GAA 1.13)

GANK – Derho (2), Probert (7), Chris B (3)

Goalie Loss – Max Moscow via FA

Game Notes: Down 3 to 1 halfway through the 2^nd period, the Hookers mounted an impressive 3 goal outburst inside a few brief moments to steal 2 points from their bit(t)er ~~political~~ divisional rivals.

Mons 5 @ Bows 4

Denim D’s – Gene (3), dRo (1), Neil Zed x3 (12)

Goalie Win – Zach L (3-1-2, GAA 1.77)

Dark B’s – Bryan L x2 (5), Jess(ica) D (1), Brett H (1)

Goalie Loss – David G (2-6-1, GAA 3.70)

Game Notes: Rainbows have another strong offensive game but still come up short, and somehow find themselves 7 points back of the Michaliga division race and only 2 points clear of…oh wait, there is nothing after the fourth division, you just stay there in a perpetual annuity, or perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. (how many years have they been down there?) perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. There, probably close enough. That many years.

IR: Gene and Neil returned for the first time in a few weeks to help the Demons get back in the win column and stay ahead of Mega Touch, who, during the Demons’ shootout losing streak, were picking up some impressive wins and closing the gap in the division race, in which they only sit 1 point behind through Week 10.

Math 3 @ Butchers 1

Math – Jackpole (5), Zach N x2 (4)

Goalie Win – David L (4-4, GAA 2.59)

Butchers – Brendan C (3)

Goalie Loss – Tim B (2-2-2, GAA 2.58)

Game Notes: Norris trophy front runner Zach has been the best Norris all season long. After a Queen benefit concert, he mentioned how much he used to score when he was a rookie. His younger brother skips town and voila, he starts scoring again. Coincidence? Probably (not).

Gremlins 3 @ Riots 1

Gremlins – Ryan M (1), Erich x2 (8)

Goalie Win – Jamie B (5-2, GAA 1.53)

Riots – David L (1)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (2-4, GAA 3.61)

Game Notes: Gremlins cooled off from their offensive outburst only worthy of an HM in Week 9 but still cruise past the Riots in convincing fashion in Week 10. The eye test, nor the advncd anlytcs, suggested a 3-1 scoreline.

Advncd Anlytcs: The gremlins really outplayed the riots.

Filthier 4 @ Fuzz 2

Filthier – Danielle (2), OP James (6), Sunny (6), Sean the Mule (2)

Goalie Win – Tim K (6-2, GAA 1.60)

Fuzz – Miles H (2), Teets McGee (2)

Goalie Loss – Tim Bwn (3-4, GAA 2.25)

Game Notes: Fuzz throws another game and Filthier stay resilient in their chase for the 1^st division crown, only sitting 4 points back with half a season to go.

Canucks 1 Blue Shirts 0 F/SO

Goalie Shutout Win: Kirk McLean aka Hoggystyle (4-3, GAA 1.11 all-time)

SO Winner: Trevor Linden aka Justin SM-Liga

Goalie Shutout Shootout Loss: Mike Richter aka RJ (2-3, GAA 1.54)

Game Notes: Sleeper pick game of the day, as after a long day at the courts from re-meshing nets to breaking pinatas, we had a classic NO goal OT/SO thriller between two star-crossed Michilga-now-Katz Division rivals that kept those who stuck around from the 4:30pm games (and earlier ending east 5:30pm game) entertained with writeups, disallowed goals, ejections, and one smooth divisional namesake criminal finn-holing a hapless Poo tender to cap off the day.

“This is MY division now” – Katz and Michaliga trade places in Week 11.

JW Rules Symposium aka Soapbox: What gets addressed first, too big of goalie gear in BTSH, or curved wands in Fake Zog? Or Box Scores posted to fb? He definitely wants the latter. He’ll get none of the above, however.