by Anonymous Lovely Lady 

Who run the world?
Girls
Who run this motha?

Who run the world? GIRLS!!!

Chief Design Officer Amy v Board Woman Georgine
Gouging Anklebiters at Butchers 

We haven’t seen much of Amy yet this season, but we know her heart and creative mind is with the ‘biters every week. Amy always creates fabulous costume designs for the ‘biters new recruits, which we sadly missed seeing due the opening party being hosted on Saturday. There’s always next year!

Georgine is a constant surprise as she is always willing to take on roles within BTSH to make it a better place. Her chill attitude and ‘Who Cares?’ motto should be adopted by more teams.

Prediction: The Butchers can’t catch a break, 6-2 Anklebiters, but these teams will be seen sharing beers after.  [Continue Reading…]

by Cat

Third Star
Ella from Royale

Probie made good on his campaign promises and delivered discounted drinks at Royale for the rum and vodka drinkers of the league, to the delight of many, but particularly Liz B. And who knows why but it seems that Royale might… actually like us? The patio may be covered in smelly equipment, any non-BTSH patrons are miserable, Chadwick plays a goddamn slide whistle they have to pretend to delight in, their limes are not safe from being tossed, and yet the manager insists he’s happy to have us.

So good once it hits your lips.

More likely, of course, is they are scared of us. How else do you explain this piece of worrisome video propaganda of smiling Royale staff Ella?

I’ll summarize the contents for those of you who aren’t video compatible:

JEN P yells at poor Ella:
Go!

ELLA laughs nervously, fearfully:
Hi BTSH it’s Ella from Royale. Um I just want to let you guys know that the Denim Demons are the league sweethearts, because they hang out.

ELLA strikes a pose with a hockey stick, JEN applauds:
Go Demons!

Tip the wait staff enough and they’ll say anything.

Someone save Ella.

Second Star
Erich G from Gremlins

Gremlins and Mega Touch had a particularly tense match-up resulting in a 4-3 win for a team I now understand represents a car rather than a weird 1980’s movie I won’t watch. This is largely thanks to Erich, who sunk in two goals and had a sick assist on a third.

Didn’t even break a sweat.

Erich is low-key one of the best players in BTSH. Freal do you ever watch him play? He’s not even trying and then whoopsie scores three goals. Like honestly he’s good enough I should probs not be handing out stars to him but sometimes it’s just like, Damn gurl. You gotta stop and admire.

First Star
Co-Commissioners Brian Hicks and Sarah Herr

In spite of the wonky weather and being literally across the country at the time, Co-Commissioners Hicks and Herr managed to make the right call on Sunday. Games were a go, and everyone got to play.* It was very, very cold out.

Sarah Finbar and Dr Brian Bravestone, thank goodness you are here.

In addition to being basically professional meteorologists, they are humanitarians. Hicks collected money this week to donate to #SticksOutForHumboldt, to help the families affected by the accident, and that deserves a special mention as well.

*Or at least everyone got to start to play. That’s a MINUS STAR to the weather for keeping the Dark Rainbows half a game from their first victory in over a season. Both 5:30 matches are to be continued and will be livestreamed for Aaron F, with game commentary by Ella from Royale, league sweetheart and suspected victim of Stockholm syndrome.

Honorable Mentions:

FA Goalie Eitan subbed for Math and helped carry them to a win, only letting one goal from Sky Fighters sneak by.

Coach had one of his career best between the pipes for Fuzz.

Karma had an embarrassment of riches on their bench, so Isaac took one for the team and sat the game out to ensure his teammates got enough playing time and enough cheering from the sidelines.

I am not a slide whistle person but I received a lot of feedback that it should receive first star for some reason.

What do you mean the box score game notes isn’t a rational replacement for adding gif comments on posts in the BTSH fb group …? Anywho…on to the games that were, and still are!

 

Sky Fighters 1 @ Math 2

Sky Fighters: Matt R (1)

Goalie Loss: James S (1-2)

Math: Jon (3), Elly (2)

Goalie Win: Eitan via Free Agents

Game Notes: Eitan posts back to back via free agency wins for Math as they hang on to beat the no longer double digit scoring Sky Fighters in a close CMB divisional affair. #RosterHim

 

Hookers 1 @ Anklebiters 3

Hookers: Cro (4)

Goalie Loss: Dustin (1-1)

Anklebiters: Shooey (1), Probert (7), Chris B (2)

Goalie Win: Dee J Bubble Bath (2-0)

Game Notes: Left was right and right was left on this day as GANK climb to 3-0 and Hookers are looking like their former selves and are in need of another fourth division team to poach talent from come the post week 5 trade block. This was a one goal contest until late in the final frame, where GANK did their best Dallas Stars of 2016/Michael Grabner impersonation and capitalized on an empty net opportunity.

 

Butchers 0 @ Rehabs 6

Goalie Loss: Tim Brk (1-2)

Rehabs: Cherie (1), Alex WM (3), JoeyBats x2 (4), Sena I. (1), Ramy “I wear blue everyday except on Sundays” O. (1)

Goalie Shutout Win: Eric R (1) (1-0)

Game Notes: JoeyBats went back to forward and all from last week was forgotten as he had two snips allowing Rehabs to have a great bounce back game against the Butchers. On an unrelated note, I have this sinking feeling that I think I called Cheeky, Sarah, at Tompkins Square Bagels last week…hope she didn’t notice.

 

Gremlins 4 @ Mega 3

Gremlins: Erich G x2 (3), Cody C (2), Iannis (1)

Goalie Win: Jamie B (1-2)

Mega: Alok (2), Jeff x2 (2)

Goalie Loss: Mike T (1-2)

Game Notes: Magic Man returned to help pace the Gremmies to their first W of the season in what we’ve been told, was a very friendly game of croquet with Walker sitting out a couple of his teammates for separate 5 minutes iso time-outs for bettering his TOI and +/-. #startedateven #stillthere

 

DaPucks 3 @ Gut Rot 2

DaPucks: John #69 C (1), Eric H (1), Paully P (3)

Goalie Win: Scott H (1-2)

Gut Rot: ScottyK x2 (3)

Goalie Loss: Eitan via Free Agents (still #RosterHim)

Game Notes: In another Michaliga division instant classic, Pucks triumphed after another two goal lead was blown by the Bitzez…Pucks were feeling generous on this day and decided to miss two shots at the empty net, but luckily Scott held down the fort in the final moments after an unlucky start to the game…Backup… there are two ScottyK’s?

Quick Shifts: Ramon had a goal called back that would have spotted Gut Rot a 3 goal lead in the early going. Definitely was not foreshadowed last week…Amidst the ol’ sophomore slump, Ball Hogg found a creative way to finally find his way on the game sheet – this of the penal offence variety- for an equipment violation for wearing Don Cherry disapproved elbow pads.

Gotta go back to the sponge as the “D-C” (or Seinfeld) says!

 

Filthier 1 @ Fuzz 4

Filthier: James P (2)

Goalie Loss: Tim K (2-1)

Fuzz: Ryann “RNV” G (3), Miles (6), Paul (1), Sig (1)

Goalie Win: Coach (3-0)

Game Notes: Mike T continues to play a game of chicken and hasn’t scored yet. Fuzz took advantage of an under the weather Tim K (too much pre game Chipotle or something) and a short Filthy bench to keep pace with GANK atop the CMB divisional race.

 

Demons 1 @ Karma 3

Demons: Josh R (1)

Goalie Loss: Zach L-L-L (0-3)

Karma: Brianna V (2), Matt (1), Cory (2)

Goalie Win: Steve F (2-0)

Game Notes: Popack’s left boob got in the way of everyone’s fun again, denying Karma of a disrespectful 4th goal, so she claimed. She’s now 2 for 2 (or 3 for 3, perhaps) with a 100% save, err, no, blocking, percentage.

 

Pounds 5 @ Fresh Kills 2

Pounds: ScottyK x2 (3), Karsten “you can be competitive but still get the call for the hall” P. x2 (2), Jake from the W (3)

Goalie Win: Mike Sizzler Z (2-1)

Fresh Kills: Ariel (2), Soko (1)

Goalie Loss: Barch (1-1)

Game Notes: No poor captain’s decisions or gift wrapped mystery goals this week as Los Blancos take advantage of a light Fresh Kills lineup and made quick work of them before the rain fears fell upon the 5:30 matchups.

 

OUT OF TOWN SCOREBOARD

Kai’s ahead of Curd’s at the half after another Tom snipe 1-0. I warned yah! Campbell and RJ started between the pipes for their respective teams.

Rainbows lead Riots after 25 (minutes and hours), by 1-0. Greenwald and GDR are keeping both their squads in it. We’re not going to jinx anything, but we foresee more rooftop practices in their future after closing this one out, whenever that will be.

 

Week 3 in Tweets

 

Jeff also made fun of my biz-nas school email signature this past week. I’ll have to add another 2 lines to it now to show him! #HonMoments

The Anklebiters got revenge against the Hookers for sending them to the golf course early last season and have established themselves as the team nobody wants to face.

Math narrowly beat the Sky Fighters by relying on pinching, prayers and Eitan.

Two of the league’s most BTSH-esque teams got very un-BTSH-like in the second half as the Gremmies slipped past Mega. Get it together, bozos.

Rehabs got back on track by defeating the Butchers on the court. Afterwards we heard the Butchers won at Royale. (Who, btw, has been an awesome host to our league.)

Rose Charities Tournament is this Saturday, April 21st. Have you heard? [Continue Reading…]

Filthier at Fuzz
By A Young Padawan and their Jedi Master

So, we got to thinking this week…what would happen to these two teams in a post-apocalyptic world? If civilization collapsed, modern technology ceased to exist, and food and water became extremely scarce, we ask you…WWFAFD? (What would Fuzz and Filthier do?)

We’d choose the apocalypse over having to spend more than 30 seconds in the Tompkins restrooms.

Well, we have some predictions, which (surprise!) have nothing to do with hockey…

  • In a pathetic grab at power, Glanzer would quickly attempt to crown himself King of this new society…but, the King and Queen would clearly be James and Ann. Let’s be real.
  • Sig, in pre-apocalyptic world is a teacher, so in a post-apocalyptic world, naturally he would set up a school and teach everyone the Earth’s tattered history.
  • Walsh would STILL be sitting at his desk, attempting to work. (Come out foraging with us Walshy, quarterly earnings aren’t a thing anymore.)
  • Sunny blankly stares at a non-functioning rusted out old TV, still waiting for a Leafs game that will never happen.
  • Kate would be the REAL leader. James and Ann are just figureheads.
  • Ryann would obviously be the most instrumental to the survival of the group. Spoiler alert: You all die of thirst, starvation, or worse, without Ryann. (We see you, girl.)
  • Alexa still keeps all the ref assignments in her Rainbow Brite Trapper Keeper, hoping to one day rebuild BTSH. (Do you get THIS reference, Alexa??)
  • Coach doesn’t see how this is any more dangerous than a Sunday matinee at CBGB in 1987.
  • Tim K doesn’t even realize the apocalypse has happened because he is still looking for parking at Moffo.
  • Amongst the rubble, Jeff comes upon the illustrious PBR Cup. But he won’t touch it…
  • JJ and Jean attempt to start a Lucy van Pelt-style “Psychiatric Help” roadside stand. Sarah T. shows them how it’s done, starting one of her own and putting them out of business in one week.
  • Where are Suvin and Dennis??

(Hockey) Prediction: James didn’t score last week, so he’ll be hungry. In the tightest contest of the week, this one goes to OT…with Danielle netting the game winner.  4-3, Filthier. [Continue Reading…]