The theories are wild but the truth is wild…er.

By Cat, Slay and Steven

Cat: Welcome to the Karma Conspiracy Circle. In one corner of the circle we have Steve“the flow” Friedman, in another we have Slay “Sleh” Lehman, and in the final corner, me, all here to prophesy about the upcoming (yeah, we’re optimists) BTSH season, and theorize about why it hasn’t started…yet.

So, at first I thought Governor Cuomo was behind Coronavirus so that he could stop the trains and get the L train project done in time and become New York’s hero….but the only anagram I could find for “Andrew Cuomo” was Nude Coma Row, which has no connection to coronavirus so it just doesn’t add up… I chalk the obsession with the dashing gov to up to being a #CuomoSexual.

But, Slay, you had a sourdough starter going about this last time we zoomed. It’s quite a theory and I want to see it rise.

By Jess and Russo

With the cancellation of sports (RIP March Madness) we wanted to give the degenerate gamblers of the league and those who miss the post-game hang outs the one thing that unites us all: a trip to the bodega before/after a game. Before we all know it, we’ll be back to frequenting the 7-Eleven and other corner stores around the park but for now, leave your opinions at the door and adopt ours as the only correct ones. You may fight it out in the comments.

Another massive shout out to all of the essential personnel that make deliveries, stock shelves, keep the water flowing (and flushing), haul our trash and guard us while we sleep. Thank you!

How to Improve Your Hockey Skills During COVID-19 Quarantine

By Reptar

Hey there faithful reader. Are you looking to improve your hockey skills during the current COVID-19 outbreak/quarantine/shutdown/apocalypse? Do you want speed like McDavid? Vision like Crosby? A shot like Ovie? Flow like Kaner? All from the confines of your over-priced apartment?

Well…you’re in luck. For two easy payments of $69.69 you can be the proud owner of “The Ultimate BTSH Quarantine VHS Deluxe Set”.

But for now, here’s a free sneak peek:

Massive shout out to all of the doctors, nurses, PAs, and other healthcare professionals among us who are literally on the front lines of this. Thank you!

All social distancing and no hockey making you go something?  Yeah, us too.  From shows to stream, video games to play, workouts to remain (relatively) in shape and virtual hangouts.  Here’s what some BTSHers are doing to pass the time by whilst inside.

Virtual Happy Hour

No bars or restaurants open? No problem said the Demons on St. Patty’s Day as they gathered around their laptops and tablets for a virtual toast. L’chayim!

Free Agents and League Members,

Due to the coots, the annual free agent scrimmage scheduled for this Sunday, March 15th has been postponed.

Please share with your networks.