The Gouging Anklebiters supposedly swatted aside a pesky Poutine team by a margin of 2 or 3 or who knows what it is by now as the legend keeps growing.

Before the Demons and LBS squared off, David R of the Demons proposed to Sammy at mid rink and she said, ‘Maybe.’ Then the LBS ground out a tough win against an old foe.

Butchers and Sky Fighters played a game. Pretty sure they did. Not sure about the outcome of that though. Little help? Help received! Butchers won by a single goal.

Hookers versus Gremlins was arguably the most enjoyable game of the day with the Hookers winners in the end. Cro celebrated by dropping a glass bottle on the sidelines and then walking away.

The Demons cleaned up the remains of said bottle and also Cro’s crack pipe.

Sena used her schnoz to block a shot from the Rainbows while Hicks and C-Stew got the W for the Rehabs. Sena, remember, no blowing for a couple days.

Fresh Kills returned to form against Gut Rot by steamrolling them.

Instant Karma discovered their offense against a depleted Math team.

The Provider provided for Cobra Kai as the evil dojo prevailed over the plucky Pucks.

Fuzz played a defensively sound game that earned Timmy Baby a clean sheet. But my dudes, that Riots squad has got some game in them.

Filthier bested Mega Touch despite a sweeeeet Annimal goal disallowed by the refs.

We’re off for two weeks. Enjoy Memorial Day!

Tompkins Square Riots at Fuzz

By Tracy Demon

Who is even on Fuzz this year? Do they have some new people? I confess to not having done my research. Coach and Paul are gone; I think Alexa dropped down to part time. That leaves Miles, Gil, Ryann, hopefully Sarah T., and that one quiet, unassuming guy who doesn’t wear sleeves. While last year’s league champions have only one win so far this season, they’re still a team to be reckoned with. Word on the street is it’s also that one guy’s birthday—I have no idea how I know this, as the celebration hasn’t been widely advertised and is rumored to be just a small, intimate affair—so wouldn’t it be nice to bring him the win? Not so fast, because here come the Riots and they have every reason to make this a grudge match: This is their chance to avenge the overly solipsistic, apparently error-ridden (I wouldn’t know because I’m new school) BTSH Hall of Fame profile that was written about Amy Jones, which led to one of the weirdest and wokest offseason conversations ever to take place on the BTSH Facebook page. Yep, I think the Riots will take this one.

Prediction: Dave GDR has a monster game in net; the Riots shock the world and beat Fuzz 2-1.

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Dark Rainbows at Rehabs

Written by Maeby Fünke

The (real) League Sweethearts are fresh off a tight match-up against the Gremlins, which saw the Grems barely squeak by in a shootout. This is not the same Rainbows squad who went more than a season without a win, taking a fully stocked Gremlins team to a shootout shows that they are now a formidable opponent.

The ‘Bows have not seen a win since opening day, but what WAS seen on the sidelines recently was Yetter (for some strange reason) baby powdering his stick…..and accidentally spilling baby powder all over his teammate’s hoodie. This debacle earned him the nickname “Powder” (please let this stick…no pun intended). Originally I thought the baby powder was for all their new recruits, given their median age.

Jess and Tarnow have never played the Rehabs before, so they don’t realize how full their hands will be. Tia will forewarn them, but also it will become very clear within the first couple shifts.

As for the Rehabs, they are……hmm, I am realizing I don’t know anything about the recent happenings of the Rehabs. Does anybody even care about the Rehabs anymore? Short answer: No. Long answer: Nooooooooooo.

Ok, ok, I know a bit about the Rehabs. Their girls are the best in the league. Their goalie is one of the best in the league (wait, is Ramirez still playing? I haven’t seen him). Hicks apparently had a hat trick this season (presumably due to a lack of backchecking). Hmm, what else……oh, Joey’s shop got its liquor license, check them out: https://www.joeybatscafe.com/.

The bottom line is that this team is an offensive juggernaut, give them any space at all and they’ll make you pay.

Prediction: If Cat is no longer hungover from celebrating her recent birthday then it’s possible that…..who am I kidding, this game is going to be a bigger shellacking than what has happened to the Carolina Hurricanes. (Hi Becca!)

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By Anonymous

I wrote this article for anyone who’s new to the league or anyone who needed a reminder, because I felt like we all could use one.

There’s Moffo, there’s D5, there’s random tournaments we all attend throughout the year, but BTSH has and always will be different from the rest. For those who are new here, BTSH started in Tompkins 20 years ago as a laid back punk rock beer league. Over the years it’s gained popularity and with that, new talent.

What started as a joke, there is now Old School vs New School BTSHers. Old School being made up of the OG’s and New School mostly comprised of millennials who are young, skilled and competitive. The big debate here is that Old School wants to keep the league as laid back as possible while New School wants to push the competitive limits. There is, however, a gray area in which New Schoolers have adopted Old School ideology. I myself am one of them.  New Old School people as I fondly call them. These people are good, some of them even the best in the league and although they are the younger players, they know what this league is about. It’s possible to push the competitive limits of BTSH without breaking rule number 1 (don’t be a dick).

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