Tompkins Square Riots at Dark Rainbows
by Izzy

One of these two teams will walk away Sunday with their second win of the season and 2 precious points.  Let’s take a look at the key player to watch from each team.

Dark Rainbows Player to Watch: there are a couple emerging players on this squad that are ready for their breakout game, but the Rainbow that is feeling it right now is Bryan L.  Not only is he the team’s leading scorer and fresh off of his All-Star Game coming out party, but he’s from Philly. And it has been well documented that people from the City of Brotherly Love play dirty. (Just ask Jess about that race.)

BREAKING: Philly truly is dirty (not breaking) – and now unreliable.  Like Cat did earlier in the season, Brian is abandoning his team this Sunday for his own personal (selfish) best life.  The search for Rainbow loyalty continues…

TS Riots Player to Watch: aside from Christina R’s team leading 2 goals it is what she does without the ball that makes her so valuable to these rioters.  A hard-working player, she excels at breaking down opposition plays due to her positional sense, defensive attributes, technical skills and accurate passing ability.  She simply elevates the level of play of whoever is out on the rink with her.

Prediction: the Riots have been licking their chops at the opportunity to redeem themselves, but they’ll have to wait until next year (or the playoffs) for revenge as the Rainbows win again! [Continue Reading…]

Mega Touch at Gut Rot
by A Young Padawan and their Jedi Master

(apparently they decided to let you all get a glimpse of their creative process this week…)

Jedi: Oops, I totally forgot we said we’d write Mega vs. Gut Rot this week!

Padawan: I forgot too.

Jedi: You always forget.

Padawan: Ouch. I’m sorry! I’ve been really busy this week.

Jedi: Me too, no prob, it’s fine. So how do you wanna do this? What should we do for our theme this time?

Padawan: Hmm…

Jedi: Let’s do something absurd. Or, I should say, even more absurd than our usual stuff.

Padawan: We should congratulate Dave and Mary on their baby, I don’t wanna forget to do that.

Jedi: You’re so nice to everyone. But, at the same time…that’s not a theme.

Padawan: Ok, ok, geez…..I’m thinking. Ok so, what if we did a blast from the past theme. You know, like assume it’s year 1 of BTSH (only a select few would have actually been in the league then) but we can pretend as if the whole team started day one.

Jedi: I like it. Oh! Also! I just remembered that I really like Mega’s new pink shirts. I wonder if Max can get me one. [Continue Reading…]

by Arya Stark

Welcome to the 2018 Midseason Power Rankings.  If you can believe it, we’re already halfway through the season.  Goals, saves, sandwich debates, rain fears, video review controversy, boxed wine, unprotected sex – save for tasteful fence shoving, 2018’s really had it all.  And we still haven’t even gotten to the Olympics, although to be fair Becca may never make it there either way.

The methodology for this ranking was simple: nine people filled out a poll (10 if you count Chadwick’s ranking which was Karma #1 and a 19-way tie for 2nd), and the results were aggregated.  Some people chose not to rank their own teams which meant those teams received only eight votes to average; some people didn’t rank the bottom teams because they’re not as heartless as I am.  One person, who’s like-to-retweet ratio on Twitter has raised some suspicion that he’s actually a Russian bot, submitted a series of three way ties, essentially sorting the teams into tiers.  Some didn’t give feedback; others made comments on all teams.  Some were really nice and generous; others were named Rich Glnzr.  All in all, we were able to put this together and even got some bonus hot-takes thrown in for a future column.  Read, enjoy, bitch.  That last word was a verb, not a noun.  Let’s do this.

LBS makes a return to the top of the Power Rankings.

1) LBS Inc (8-1-0)

Besides an early season loss to Karma, the LBS have been firing on all cylinders. The past two games were tight, playoff-type wins; every other one has been by three or more goals. Scotty and Karsten are both top five in scoring, their ladies have already tripled last season’s female goal total, and Sizzler’s been far more protective of his net than he is of his bedroom. The only question that matters: can they keep it up in the playoffs?

Average Ranking: 1.11
Standings Position: 1st
Goal Differential: 1st
Highest Ranking: 1st
Lowest Ranking: 2nd
First Place Votes: 7

What They’re Saying:

“Karsten and Scotty are beasts, Ali’s smile could melt the coldest of hearts, and Mr PJs is good for a shootout tuck once in a while.  Sizzler makes saves he should not be able to make while Agassi is real strong on the blue line (but is vulnerable to chirps).” – Will

“Have been dominant with an incredibly difficult strength of schedule.” – Probie

“Their captain is so damn sexy.” – Commonly heard on Sundays [Continue Reading…]

In this BTSH Father’s Day segment, 23 and Mia
honors four fellas experiencing this Sunday as first time fathers.

Maybe it’s competition that turns them on. Or maybe it’s the lure of so much spandex. Whatever the reason, this squad got busy with their league partners and recently created tiny humans: Schuie from the Ankle Biters, Gut Rot’s Dave W, Creamy from the Butchers and Math’s James B.

What is the name of your baby and when were they born?

Baby girl Schuie aka Willa, May 15th, 2018
Baby girl Dave aka Evelyn, July 22, 2017
Baby boy Creamy aka Oscar, April 9th, 2018
Baby boy James aka Murray, January 16th, 2018 [Continue Reading…]

by Richiehero

What a week at BTSH. The All-Star Game was back and now we know why we stopped having one. God hates the Anklebiters and made it rain, ruining their Black Panther party. At least that was the vibe throughout the day…as team after team pulled a Rubens and either didn’t bother showing or just quit.

But much like Math’s defense, the waters receded (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AconZHeXeF8) and the following Heroes emerged.

Third Star
Tia Captain of Winning All Star Team

Sweet, young innocent Tia maybe isn’t so sweet and innocent after all. After each goal her team scored, she had them taunting the other team by taking pictures, rowing, doing the limbo etc. Now that the Rainbows are winners, it’s going to be a long season for the rest of you foos. [Continue Reading…]