This week, Not Stars were outsourced to Jerome Hornswaggler. I prefer to throw shade sparingly, and with the World Cup over, Jerome has a lot more free time and no outlet for his emotions.
Cheeky of the Butchers
This week Cheeky celebrated her retirement from being a professional sports person so I would be remiss in acknowledging the successes and exploits of a fellow non-hugger. Here’s a highlight reel of Cheeky’s best qualities:
STAMINA – The Butchers played Gut Rot on Sunday, and alongside Creamy, Cheeky played defense for the entire game. And on top of that, it was immediately after the World Cup, so I can only assume she was already drunk.
INTEGRITY – Eagle-eyed and fair, Cheeky is an exemplary referee. Doesn’t miss a thing with a beer in hand. Doesn’t call things in favor of the Rainbows too often so nobody is suspicious of bias.
NURTURING – Running into the corner, I fell ~~all by my damn self~~ into a pile of mud and she tenderly wiped my knee off with a nice smelling wet nap. Also, she loves dogs.
SEXINESS – A boy who couldn’t take a hint showed up uninvited to her own party, because she’s irresistible. Honorable Mention to Morgen, a True Friend and an Advocate for Stoned People at Parties, who told him to GTFO.
Enjoy all the golf outings and book clubs that retirement has to offer, Cheeky! [Continue Reading…]