Before we get into it, as someone who watched almost all the games last week this needs to be said: please don’t be an asshole. Nobody is a professional ref and you look like a whiny little baby at best and a huge douchelord at worst when you yell at someone who is a player just like you, who is trying their best to do right by both teams. If you want professional grade refs for our low stakes adult beer league playoffs, ask your captains to discuss this for next season and get ready to pony up some funds. Okay cool. *gets off soapbox*. 

1 Vertz v 12 Ankle Biters

Jess: For those of you who missed last week’s games, the Vertz narrowly beat the Gremlins in a shootout. My theory is the matchup was just two totally different styles of play (new school vs old school) with some insane goaltending from Jamie to force the OT and then a shootout. I think the Biters have a more new-school-leaning style of play that will make this matchup look a bit different; the game will be close but I don’t see the Vertz losing. 

Russo: Shoutout Gremlins for a really solid game last Sunday. Was definitely a wake up call that it’s playoff time and it’s win or go home. I told Probie Vertz/Anklebiters starts at 6pm on Sunday, let’s see if he buys it. 

Glnzr: While I think the Vertz are the best team in the league this season, I think this isn’t a terrible matchup for the Biters. Fuzz and FK can overwhelm the Biters, but I don’t think the Vertz will. I think this will be a slow drip type of game where the Vertz don’t dominate, but slowly but steadily have the better play. I have the Vertz winning 3-1, and on to the semis.

2 Mega v 11 Filthier

Jess: Need to credit Filthier where it’s due; they were largely counted out this season and yet without James, Ann, and Tim K in net – and losing a couple new players earlier to cobra kai – they were able to make it to round of 8. That being said, I don’t see Mega losing this game. Credit to Julie – who gets nominated for captain of the year every year and never wins (we should fire the media) – she’s done a great job. Hopefully she can work with Nate on his goal celebrations and make them less cringe. 

Russo: I’m rooting for Nate not to score in this game just because of the pushup celly. Other than that, I think we saw how comfortable Mega are playing in a tie and/or one-goal game versus Karma. But after knocking off a very tough Sky Fighters team in the Round of 16, Filthier look to keep it rolling and make it to the Semis. But I’m predicting another 2-1 win for Mega. 

Glnzr: Filthier is a good team. They battle battle battle and have some hidden players that the league is starting to find out about. Mike was the star for Mega as he shut down AK and Derek to lead them to victory last week. I see this as a nailbiter with Filthier getting into the semis with a 2-1 win. 

3 Fresh Kills v 10 Fuzz

Jess: mom come pick me up I’m scared. I thought Poutine v Fuzz was electric so I expect a lot of goals from both sides in this one. Hughes came up huge for Fuzz especially with that last second rocket from half court to win the game – the guy doesn’t miss. I want to see the Hughes v George matchup. I’m not really even gonna mention Gabe and Ariel here because they are OLD NEWS; it’s time for the era of George and Braun in the media. I think the girls on each team here are evenly matched, maybe with a slight edge to FK since they have Meg’s entire Colby roster. Fresh Kills hasn’t really been tested much this year when they have a full strength roster so this will be an interesting one. I predict the bad guys win – but who exactly are the bad guys here? I’ll never tell. 

Russo: I think Fuzz as the 10 seed is a prime example of how important attendance is during the regular season. Fresh Kills’ offensive punch has been well documented, but Fuzz are right there with them as far as speed and skill go. Jess might be afraid of Glnzr’s wrath picking a winner here, but I fear no Glnzr. Fresh Kills over Fuzz, 4-3 OT. Will definitely be getting to the courts early to watch this one.

Glnzr: If Lois was still around you’d fear her. You’re lucky she didn’t read this in heaven or you would have missed your shootout attempt in D5! But I digress. I’ll just say this…besides the Elves/FK playoff matchups in 2010/2011, the two franchises have largely stayed away from each other. Both franchises have won the last 5 combined championships and neither had to play each other. For our shit regular season we deserve this matchup. I hope we win. Also, I hope Jess is right bc to her, we are the bad guys as she would root for Jeffrey Dahmer over Fuzz. 

4 Lbs v 9 Cobra Kai

Jess: Cobra Kai came out a little flat against us (the Rainbows) last week which was surprising but if they’re in regular fighting form I think this will be a tough one for the Lbs. Also don’t put Yetter on defense again, what a waste!! Once again this matchup has equality in terms of the women on the roster, the goalies, and some of the top dudes. A matchup to look out for: corey/chad vs the toms. Everyone (read: Frey) claims I always root against the Lbs but I think even with the loss of their captain/best player they will have enough player power to win. 

Russo: As a proud member of Jack Global, we’ve had enough of Big Russ Conglomerate. They spend their funds irresponsibly on Subway sandwiches and the propaganda has reached an all time high. 

Per the office of Jack Desmond McGinty, VP of Jack Global, “Jack Global will be conducting interviews for anyone interested in joining our audit team. Jack Global will be conducting a full audit of Big Russ Conglomerate.”

But back to hockey, I’m excited to see Scotty, Russ, and Yetter not be friends for an hour (well, Russ and Yetter are still friends since they’re on the same team, but you get my point). If Liam and Frey’s injuries cancel each other out, I’d give the offensive edge to Lbs., the defensive edge to CK, and the goalie edge slightly to CK. Shockingly, I’m predicting another close one with CK squeaking out a late-game winner to the tune of 3-2. 
Glnzr: CK has been in the semis the last 4 years. The issue I have with CK is they just don’t have the offense the Lbs. do. The Lbs. can lose Frey and Avery and still have Roberts (if he’s not watching the Commanders), Scotty and 7-male bots. I’m going to go 2-1 Lbs., in a game where they will outshoot CK 30-17.