As 2016 comes to a close, we have one more gift for you, the BTSH Universe. The last member of the 2016 HOF. Inducted by the Old Timers Committee, this player could have been a first ballot Hall of Famer, but wasn’t, because he doesn’t like his own Facebook statuses. (So its not me, Derk or Hicks.)
Patrick Sven L. is our newest member. There are many reasons why Sven should be a HOFer and only a few reasons why he shouldn’t. We will go over all of them, both good and bad.
Reasons why Sven should be in HOF:
- There would be no HOF without Sven…since he’s the one that actually created it. He initially came up with a really crappy idea of inducting Alex Eben Jerkface’s socks and other stupid gimmicks when he then realized…hey why not induct jerks like Alex? So the HOF was created and jerks like Alex eventually got in.
- Sven is one of the few players to captain two different franchises. He joined the league in 2005* with the Mighty Squirrels until they disbanded after the 2009 season. In 2010 Sven created Poutine Machine and captained them until his last game against the Happy Little Elves in 2014. (What you thought I wasn’t going to mention the Elves at all in this article? Stupid Idiots.)
- Poutine could have turned into perennial losers. They never had a lot of talent, but my God did Sven’s passion for playing get them fired up. I’m not just saying this btw. As all our shins know, few people played harder than Sven and his team has always matched his intensity. Is that the Spirit of BTSH? Not for some of you wusses like Black Rob, but for a lot of us it is. The biggest compliment I can give Sven is that even though he retired in 2014, for two years and many more to come, Poutine will honor his legacy by playing as hard as he did. He passed on his intensity to Jo-Anne and she has done a great job passing it down to the others. I truly feel a championship will happen for them.**
- There are very few people in the league who have done more for BTSH than Sven. I don’t know when he started reffing, but I know he was there when I started in 2008 and was there at the end in 2014. He was Mr. Dependable and even would sub in for Filthy when they (routinely) didn’t provide a ref. (No offense Monica.) Keep in mind, in those days we were making $3 a game at times and only if Reubens remembered to pay us. (Yes, not paying refs in BTSH is a tradition.)
- Anyone who mentions power couple deserves to get punched in the face. Especially if you #hashtag it because that makes you even more of a Walker. But Sven and his wife Monica are the only husband and wife ever inducted into the BTSH HOF. And Baby Talia may not have as many likes as Derk’s new baby, but she could certainly deadlift more than her.
But for Christ Sakes, Sven’s not God. He has his flaws. Lets go over them…
- The Squirrels tied the Elves in 2008. We went 1-16-1. And if Chadwick didn’t idiotically choose Jerome over me in the shootout we would have won. (I actually believe this. I had a great game and would have scored.)
- No one calls a routinely strange timeout more than Sven (no offense). You can set your watch to it. With 10 minutes left in the 2nd half Sven would call a timeout to gather his team and discuss strategy or something. Dude, you’re down by 2 goals, you will need that timeout later. And worst yet, Jo-Anne now does it! (Though she claims she doesn’t, but she does.) This is why Julie didn’t even want him inducted.
- I don’t know if this is true at all, but Georgine has more career goals than him.
But those two, maybe three flaws not-withstanding, Sven is certainly deserving. So congrats Sven…now the only thing you have to tell us is what jersey you are going to were in the HOF picture? Poutine or Squirrels?
- * = According to Elly
- ** = Only if (Brian Sullivan Alert) Brian Sullivan listens to me and stops adding players unless they are supremely talented. Unfortunately he recently tried to poach Shean DeLasy so I’m not sure if I really believe this. Also I’m probably going to poach Charlotte from them soon.