Great Moments in Ass Captaining
“Of course! We’ll trade Scrappy!”
Marc Summers Would Be Proud
The Real Physical Challenge Was For Jim to Get His Shirt On
After the smashing success of their Dunkin’ Donuts themed uniforms, the Denim Demons honored another American institution with new Double Dare themed t-shirts. In addition to a graphic on the front of the shirt, the new version also features player names and numbers on the back (for those of you who can’t tell the difference between “Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau and Jeff Kamen by looking at their fronts). Abigail Meisterman may have the most unique combination with “Dewey” as her name and the Dewey Decimal System classification for hockey as her number (796.962). However, Micael Holmström’s subtlety of just using his last name and a non-descript number (16) is by far the most brilliant. In a potential oversight, Adam “Legen(d) Killer” Rubens’s shirt only reads “Legen”, indicating that D may be missing from his game. He claims the reason for the omission will be revealed at a later date and time…
Happy Fête de Dollard!
Denim Demons 4, Fresh Kills 2
Denim Demons: Micael Holmstrom 2, Danny Polinsky, Lena Moy-Borgen
Fresh Kills: Dave Sokolyansky, Ariel Imas
Mighty Squirrels 4, LBS 1
Mighty Squirrels: Arthur “Lil’ Weezy” Revechkis, Dave Paglia, Jesse Kalb, Z.Y. Kesselman
LBS: Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin
What The Puck 5, Tuques 1
What The Puck: Corey “Chongo” Winters 2, Mike ”The X-Factor” Woodsworth 2, Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri
Tuques: Alfred Liu
Dark Rainbows 5, Bad Touch 0
Dark Rainbows: Sean Reynolds 2, P.T. Walkley, Michel Walkley, Rory Tischler
Shutout: John Nielsen
Unicorns 4, Mathematics 2
Unicorns: Nelson 2, Chris, Lindsay
Mathematics: Andy Pratt 2
Cobra Kai 4, Gouging Anklebiters 2
Cobra Kai: Adriano Bratta 3, Ray “Domino” Chan
Gouging Anklebiters: Charles DeFranco, Peter “Geech” Prohaska
Mexican Standoff 5, Happy Little Elves 2
Mexican Standoff: Tommy Cho 2, Len Guinto, Gary Cohen, Ben Bloom
Happy Little Elves: Jarome “Hornswoggle” Ramos, Jason Amada
Hercules! Hercules!
GAME OF THE WEEK
Denim Demons (3-0-1) vs. Fresh Kills (1-2-0-1)
Location: Corlears North, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 5-2
Game Notes: The Denim Demons are clicking on all cylinders this season, averaging four goals for and one goal against per game. They boast one of the most lethal offensive arsenals in the league, featuring Michael Pereira, Micael Holmstrom, Lena Moy-Borgen, and Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens. In fact, the Demons have scored more goals in one game (eight vs. Mexican Standoff) than Fresh Kills has all season (seven). It will be up to Kevin “Tiny” Foster, Dave Sokolyansky, and Alexandre Frenette to rejuventate this sputtering offense. However, this veteran squad cannot be overlooked, as last season’s deep playoff run demonstrates.
Keys To The Game:
1. Michael Pereira was Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens’s sleeper fantasy pick for this season. He currently leads the team with five goals, so–as usual–Rubens was right.
2. The last ten minutes of this game will be crucial for Fresh Kills. Against both the Sky Fighters and Cobra Kai, all of their goals came after the forty minute mark, but they also allowed four goals in the final ten minutes in their loss to Filthy Gorgeous.
3. Fresh Kills enforcer Heidi “The Maple Leaf Muscle” Karst is one of the most feared and intimidating players in BTSH. She has already been ejected from three games, including one for a karate chop to Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman’s esophagus. Her presence will keep the Demon goons in check.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills. If I didn’t pick them, Heidi would beat me up.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons. The Fightin’ Rubens plan to unveil a new jersey for this game (for a sum total of about twelve), so they’ll have extra motivation for the win.
A Little Something for the Ladies…
”I just got back from the tanning salon.”
