What The Puck @ LBS Inc.

Nick: It’s been a rough year for WTP as they enter a bit of a rebuild.  It will take some time for the team to come together, but I think they will bounce back nicely next season.  As for this game, they’re running into a LBS squad that is gearing up for the post-season.  I think the Corporation takes this one 5-1.

Dark Rainbows @ Mega Touch

Nick: Lots of recognizable faces in this matchup as Julie, Alex, and rookie stud Alok take on Aaron, Ramber (the Rachel + Camber celebrity couple name), and Abby.  The rest of the gangs all there as well, and this should be a spirited contest between two high-energy teams.  I’ll say that Mega wins it for Devlin, 3-2.

Butchers @ Gut Rot

Nick: Gut Rot has a better team than their record indicates; they have a favorable division record and currently sit in second place in the Greene Division.  That said, Jeff L. is going to be on the hunt for the scoring title, which the likely rookie of the year still has in reach.  I’m going to go with Butchers, 4-2.

Cobra Kai @ Tompkins Square Riots

Nick: Cobra Kai has established itself as a formidable team on any given Sunday, with the twosome of Liam + Sebastian putting up a number of timely goals.  The Riots are a team that have a knack for playing the underdog role, and I feel like they tend to pull out (PULLOUTS) a victory when the odds are against them.  Let’s put it to the test: I’ll say that Dojo wins 2-0.

Poutine Machine @ Gremlins

Nick: Nothing like a divisional battle with playoff seeding on the line, as the Gremlins currently sit two points about Poutine for the fourth spot in the Glanzer Division.  Poutine has some guys who can put the ball in the net, but former-sad Jamie has been a force lately.  I think the Gremlins ride his goaltending to a tight 2-1 victory.
La Famiglia at Fresh Kills
With the Hookers clinching the top seed, all the rest of us can do is battle for the best loser.

With the Hookers clinching the top seed, all the rest of us can do is battle for the best loser.

First off, fuck you James Stein for that picture. Our women are going to crush your women in four years, asshole.

Or, we could just crush their women next year...

Or, we could just crush their women next year…

The winner of this matchup will have a clear shot at the 2 or 3 seed. If the Tuques win out, they are the 2 seed. If Fresh Kills wins out, they will finish no worse than 3. What this means is, if you win this game, you probably don’t have to face the Hookers until the finals…which is a really good thing, considering they are an approximate 17-3 in their existence (since 2007) in non-final playoff games.

However they've proven beatable once they get to the Championship Game, going 1-3.

However they’ve proven beatable once they get to the Championship Game, going 1-3.

Rich: The non-Elf in me is rooting hard for Fresh Kills, so we can get a possible Championship Game matchup of the two best franchises in the league. I think it will be a close low scoring game, with FK coming out with a 2-1 win.
Eli: Mike Dudolevitch, prominently pictured above, was not on the Rainbows in 2007. He might have been in high school back then. Fresh Kills, 3-2.
Derek: La Famiglia has struggled against the top division this season (even against WTP, they barely won), and this game will be no different.  4-1 win for FK.
Intern Nick: FK is too much to handle for all but the Hookers on a consistent basis, especially if they show their full lineup.  Blue crew takes it 3-1. 

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Is that some type of karate stance?

Following in the success of former BTSH.org features such as Know Your Neighbor, the ever popular PlayHer Spotlight, and “20 Questions With Mike Dudelovitch,” we present to you…another 20 Questions.  This week, we profile Cobra Kai rookie, Dani Rylan.

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I was faced with a choice.  Write this post, or write my self-assessment for work – both of which are due today.  I obviously chose incorrectly.

Three stars for this week – it was kind of a tough call to make.  Nobody really got back to me about nominations.  It’s more like I had to figure out the three stars this week by figuring out first who they weren’t.

Rachel Klion (pictured circa 2009) from the Rainbows probably wants a star. I can’t give her a star just for that alone. I was tempted to give her a star for her flagrant violation of the rulebook when she threw her stick (lol) at an Anklebiter who was on a breakaway, and then nonchalantly returned to the bench as if that was a totally legal play.  Funny stuff, but we don’t want Klioning  to become a trend around these parts.

Rich Glanzer (pic related) continues one of the longest running gags in BTSH, which is his inability to score. Somehow, Richie managed to get a pass at the top of the crease, shoot it through the goalie’s legs, and still miss wide of the far post. I’d give you a star for effort, but that would ruin the integrity of our three stars process. This ain’t the YMCA.

With that, your real three stars, and by extension the reason you should keep coming to the league every week:

*** – Liam Martens (Cobra Kai)

Gotta be honest: I don’t know which one of the guys in this picture that I lifted from Facebook acquired fair-and-square is Liam. However, Mr. Martens had both goals in Cobra Kai’s 2-1 victory over Poutine Machine. That’s pretty much textbook star-worthy. He’d be higher, but unfortunately for him…

** – Noelle Safar (Hookers)

Noelle Safar of the Hookers potted two goals of her own, sealing a victory over division rivals Fresh Kills and helping the Hookers clinch the Brown Division. She also leads all women in goals with 9. What did you do with your weekend?

* – Jamie Batuwantudawe (Every fucking team that I play against ever Butchers)

Growing up, one of my favorite games was Wayne Gretzky’s 3D Hockey 98 for the N64. The game had a feature in which the goalie would sometimes morph into a brick wall when making a save. I used to love this game and specifically that part, but now I hate it because it reminds me of every time I have to play against Jamie. The guy is unreal and deserves every bit of the first star this week. Fuck you Jamie. But congratulations. But fuck you still.


Creamy Asked Us To Give This Special Message To Glanzer


Tuques are #1!

Sky Fighters 7, Tompkins Square Riots 0

Sky Fighters: Olivier Brassard 3 (11), Martin Cejka 2 (3), Roman Teytelbaum 2 (12)
Shutout: James Stein (5)

Denim Demons 6, Filthy Gorgeous 0
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen 2 (15), Lee Reiners 2 (8), Adam Rubens 2 (9)
Shutout: Aaron “Coach” Pagdon (7)

Mathematics 3, Gut Rot 1
Mathematics: Sam Norris 2 (9), Eli Kazin (5)
Gut Rot: Mike Gilligan (5)
Goalie Win: David Liang (10)

La Famiglia 2, Happy Little Elves 1
La Famiglia: Denis Miciletto (12), Shafiq Perry (10)
Happy Little Elves: Boris Grinberg (9)
Goalie Win: Tim Kayiatos (12)

Cobra Kai 2, Poutine Machine 1
Cobra Kai: Liam Martens 2 (13)
Poutine Machine: Jeff Ruel (3)
Goalie Win: Nicholas Blair (via free agency)

Butchers 2, Rehabs 1
Butchers: Jeff Laniando (19), Cherie Stewart (8)
Rehabs: Ramy Odeh (6)
Goalie Win: Jamie Batuwantudawe (via Gremlins)

Gouging Anklebiters 3, Dark Rainbows 0
Gouging Anklebiters: Charles DeFranco (8), Joe Polowczuk (8), Zach Weiner (1)
Shutout: Craig LaCombe (9)

LBS, Inc. 5, Mega Touch 0
LBS, Inc.: Luke Sellick 2 (5), Jason Bogdaneris (2), Evan (2), Jake (1)
Shutout: Tim Brown (9)

Gremlins 4, What The Puck 1
Gremlins: Rod Sherwood 2 (8), Maire Lane (2), Mark McAdam (2)
What The Puck: Dave MacCallum (7)
Goalie Win: Jamie Batuwantudawe (6)

Corlears Hookers 3, Fresh Kills 2
Corlears Hookers: Noelle Safar 2 (9), Sam Marton (5)
Fresh Kills: Patrick Moore (2), Dave Sokolyansky (9)
Goalie Win: Dustin Olson (8)

Please submit any corrections to derek@btsh.org