Will any of these players be among the Franchise Four? No, none of them.

Will any of these players be among the Franchise Four? No, none of them.

The selection committee struggled to choose this franchise’s top four players for two main reasons.  First, as a 15 year old franchise, numerous deserving players have been in and out of the roster.  Hall of famers such as Craig LaCombe and future hall of famers (?) such as Hector “$h0wT!m3″ Melendez all had to be considered.  Second, with a history that goes so far back, we just aren’t as familiar with every player who has donned the yellow t-shirt.  We try to be as inclusive as possible with the early years of the league, but it is no secret that we have a bias towards the “Modern Era.”

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When Ben Chadwick scores 3 goals in one game vs. you, you are not on a great franchise (May 2, 2010, Chadtrick). But that all changed with the emergence of one family. Will any of them make the Franchise Four? Not if Elly has anything to say about it. (And he does, he was one of the 3 people who voted) But those pesky Norris’ won’t go away quietly. 

Who would have thought how competitive and mean Rebecca Norris turned out to be.  "Elly doesn't deserve to be in the Franchise Four! I do!"

Who would have thought how competitive and mean Rebecca Norris turned out to be.
“Elly doesn’t deserve to be in the Franchise Four! I do!”

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We know what you are thinking…how can you do a Franchise Four for a defunct team.  And for the rest of you who aren’t keeping up with all of the off-season hot stove activity (spoiler alert!), the Elves have migrated to the BTSH team alumni section, taking their rightful place alongside the Mighty Squirrels, Mexican Standoff, Pork Fried Rice, and countless others.  But since they have not yet played a game under the Fuzz rebrand, we decided to throw them a bone and honor four of the very best to ever put on an Elves uniform.

The only time I ever wore a non-Elves BTSH shirt. The only time I ever will. (Sorta)

Sadly, $h0wT!m3 did not make the cut.

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Sometimes being friends with the BTSH media is a blessing and a curse.  The latter, of course, is always true when Rich Glanzer gives you a cover story.  Either way, here is the 2016 edition of The Southern Belles of BTSH!

Amy A

Amy A (via Math) — Are you looking for that wholesome meat and potatoes girl who enjoys reveling in large quantities of cheese and sausage, then she’s your girl. Drink beer?! Why certainly. And probably more than you.

Danielle H
Danielle H (via I. Karma) — Are you looking for someone who loves cooking, cleaning, and wage discrimination, while you sit back and play video games after “daddy’s” put in a long hard week at work? You may have found a perfect candidate.

Rachel G
Rachel G (via Butchers) — Do you fancy yourself a true progressive and need a woman to dress you up in Brooks Brothers suits and serve refined bourbon cocktails from her whiskey bar? Do you sometimes ask yourself, am I a city slicker trapped in a Midwesterner’s values? You may not need look any further! 

Diana M
Diana M (via B. Anklebiters) — Do you sometimes take a real look at yourself in the mirror, and wonder, “damn, how has this mirror stayed so clean?!” Well, beauty is in the mirror’s beholder, and any Southern man will tell you, if she likes kids that much, you may just be what I’m looking for!  Wait, a woman with a college degree?!  Forget about it–I’m a Southern man–I don’t want any woman more educated than me…

Out of all the teams we’ve discussed so far (which is only nine at the moment), this has been one of the hardest. There were three unanimous choices but determing the fourth was very difficult. This team has been together for a long time and has been extremely successful. In the end, you really couldn’t go wrong picking any four people from this elite franchise. 

5 Championship Games 4 Heroes

5 Championship Games
4 Heroes

So, in no particular order…

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