Gulliver’s Travels: The Sequel
3rd Place: Anonymous (ANNOUNCE THYSELF!)
“Actually, not sure if that’s glaze, since I found these in the Tompkins bathrooms. After Derek used them.”
Honorable mention: Abby M.
“Wow, Ben. I have to say: your balls are so tender.”
“Well, there’s no beating my balls. They’re made from a secret Schweddy family recipe. No one can resist my Schweddy balls.”
Side-note: The media policy of using first names and last initials makes everything sound like an AA meeting. [-ed.]