it’s on asshole.
The calendar for the upcoming BTSH season has officially been released. There will be 18 weeks of regular season games as well as five weeks of playoffs. Regular season play commences on April 11, and the championship game will be held on October 31. The full calendar is after the break.
With the 2010 season rapidly approaching, we (the BTSH media) would like to provide you, the loyal reader, with a quick update of what’s on tap for the upcoming season. After all, it has been a while since we have posted anything new, and we are getting eager to start playing. Thus, this update has absolutely nothing to do with the increasingly high volume of complaints regarding Ben Chadwick’s Dr. Byron Clavicle’s guest column still being the lead post on the website.
First, congratulations to BTSH’s new league manager Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta and new DC Manager Haanwa Chau on their recent election to two of the league’s highest posts. Although we have high expectations for both officials, we do hope that Haanwa is up to the task, as she has some very big shoes to fill.
Second, we would like to remind everyone to check the website frequently in advance of the 2010 season. We plan on several posts prior to Opening Day, including our annual individual team previews, which are appearing for the third consecutive season. Additionally, due to the retirement of Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher and the Schuietron 3000, we will be assuming the creation of the 2010 season schedule. To build anticipation, we will release parts of the schedule prior to the entire season docket, beginning with Opening Weekend and Hockey Night in Tompkins.
Finally, we are looking for a few correspondents to assist us in our duties. If you are interested in helping us gather scoring information or writing game previews, or if you have your own idea for a weekly segment in the News and Notes post, please do not hesitate to let us know.
Your Humble Correspondents,
Eli Kazin & Derek Tagliarino
The following views do not necessarily represent those of the editors or of BTSH. They do, however, represent those of Dr. Byron Clavicle.
As a board-certified neurosurgical cosmetologist, I’m often asked by BTSH players to modify their cerebral cortices to create memories of events that never actually transpired. For example, a certain What The Puck player whiffed on what would have been a game-winning goal in the championship. Haunted by this recollection, he would naturally prefer to remember scoring the goal. A certain Mathematics player requested I replace all memories of his team’s last season with memories of playing viola for the Kirov Ballet orchestra in last year’s world tour. A certain Happy Little Elves assistant captain wished to have his brain wiped clean and replaced with the late Wilt Chamberlain’s. Two of these players even shaved their heads in preparation!
Sadly, none of these requests are covered by any insurance policies that I am aware of, and the multi-trillion dollar cost of the procedure can be daunting for some. But I have come up with a far cheaper alternative that may alleviate this psychic discomfort, allowing second-rate players to imagine themselves as street hockey superstars, instead of as infantile mush-heads growing increasingly torpid and lazy-lidded while shovelling one Cheeto after another into their drooling gullets and reading some half-baked off-season filler on a sub-par sports blog.
So, feel free to augment your mediocre memories with these fictive fantasies.
Dear Readers,
With another BTSH season in the record books, we would like to take one last opportunity to thank you for your loyal and devoted support. We have really enjoyed providing you with our special blend of hockey insight, humor, and information each week (we call it “hockhumtion”), and look forward to doing it again next season.
This first season at Tompkins Square Park was a banner year for BTSH. Although the league saw a lot of changes, we both feel the move from Corlears was for the better. We have many fond memories of the past season and here are a few of our favorites:
In addition, we would especially like to thank the following for taking our many jokes in good stride despite being the butt of most of them:
As a token of our appreciation, we would like to leave you with this final gift:
Your humble correspondants,
Eli Kazin &
Derek Tagliarino
On Sunday evening, the media had the distinct honor and pleasure to present their third annual Media Awards to some of BTSH’s outstanding players. The winners are listed below:
BTSH Regular Season Scoring Champion
Karsten Pichon (LBS, Inc.)
Best Goals Against Average
Aaron “Coach” Pagdon (Denim Demons)
Best Family
Lourdes Banez & Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka (Sky Fighters)
Best Duo
Ben Chadwick & Rich Glanzer (Happy Little Elves)
Most Underrated Female
Mel Raoul (Rehabs)
Most Underrated Male
Shafiq Perry (Tuques)
The Stacy S. Kehoe Award For Toughness & Grace
Abby Meisterman (Denim Demons)
The Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman Award For Agitation and Instigation
Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri (Happy Little Elves)
The Third Annual Bob Weyersberg Award For Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of Excellence
Eric Devlin (Mega Touch)
The Brendan “Flounder” Hay Memorial Award (Female)
Georgine “Mulva” Paulin (Mathematics)
The Brendan “Flounder” Hay Memorial Award (Male)
Will Kuhns (Cobra Kai)
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