The alignment of top three talent rarely happens in BTSH culture, but when it does, the three stars of the week are quickly replaced.



3 Stars

When I was reading Rich’s okay previews last week, a selfish thought came over my head: if I Googled “Math BTSH”, would I pop up as the first image? Nope (spoiler: it’s Elijah), instead Google gave me an omen of things to come, with Ben Bloom giving Math the bird as the second picture.

Bloom Giving the Finger
And that’s exactly what happened.  Ben Bloom and Filthier won more games than any other team this week (2-0), both 4-1.  Nice work.  And, fuck you.

2 Stars
Crowd favorite, Ben Chadwick, is on a tear this year—scoring two goals last game and keeping his streak alive—now 5 consecutive games.  This streak is almost reminiscent of the best pitcher in the National League; I am speaking of course of Bartolo Colon, who went 5-0 (or was it 6-0) at the age of 42.

Colon Strikes Again
Ben celebrating his 5 game scoring streak

Ben celebrating his 5 game scoring streak


Sure, this streak is no Chadtrick, but this streak has yet to be named!  First one who comes up with the best nickname (Chadrip, Chadvoyage are already claimed) will win a free beer when you register for Ocean City 2015 (HockeyBeach.org)!

Register now!

1 Star
The Teytelbaum brothers share the last star—Roman yanked a hat trick and his brother finally put his first biscuit in the basket!

Roman Registering

Oh, wait a minute—what is Roman doing here?!  Could it be—registering for the Ocean City tournament to receive a free beer via his mobile device?!  Why yes, that is exactly what he is doing, using the following link:

HockeyBeach.org

Honorable Mention:

The mitzvah of the week for coaching commandments goes to, none other than, Rachel Greene.  Although obvious to most, she finally put Arthur and Jeff on a line together.  Each scored a hat trick.  Is this sheer neglect as a coach for the past 2 years, does she know she can pull her goalie when they’re down—I don’t know.  A twelve year old could have figured this line situation out, or a thirteen year old depending on their views, which is why she garners the Mitzvah of the Week Award!

Honorable Mention

Well, Not In So Many Words…

Is that Veronica Vaughn?

Is that Veronica Vaughn?

Filthy Gorgeous 4, Mathematics 1
Filthy Gorgeous: Denis Miciletto 2 (3), Suvin Malik (6), James Pereira (3)
Mathematics: James Stewart (6)
Goalie Win: Tim Kayiatos (5)

Filthy Gorgeous 4, Cobra Kai 1
Filthy Gorgeous: Sunny Mehra 2 (5), Suvin Malik (7), Denis Miciletto (4)
Cobra Kai: Will (1)
Goalie Win: Tim Kayiatos (6)

Fresh Kills 4, Poutine Machine 1
Fresh Kills: Gabe Chenard 3 (13), Patrick Moore (2)
Poutine Machine: Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos (1)
Goalie Win: Patrick Barch (6)

Butchers 7, What The Puck 4
Butchers: Jeff Laniando 3 (9), Arthur Revechkis 3 (9), Jeff Nugent (2)
What The Puck: Jaime 3 (3), Brendan (1)
Goalie Win: Tim Burke (1)

Gouging Anklebiters 1, Mathematics 0
Gouging Anklebiters: Charles DeFranco (2)
Shutout: Joe Kozlowski (via free agency)

Sky Fighters 7, Happy Little Elves 3
Sky Fighers: Roman Teytelbaum 3 (7), Greg Infanti 2 (4), Yehuda Bloom (2), Mike Teytelbaum (2)
Happy Little Elves: Gil Valdes 2 (8), Caitlin (1)
Goalie Win: James Stein (3)

Instant Karma 4, Corlears Hookers 2
Instant Karma: Ben Chadwick 2 (6), Ryann Geldner (4), The Peter Wilson (2)
Corlears Hookers: Brian Cronauer (4), Gavin Kearney (4)
Goalie Win: Mike Maloney (4)

Gut Rot 2, Mega Touch 1
Gut Rot: Not yet reported
Mega Touch: Larry Black (1)
Goalie Win: Tim Burke (via Butchers)

LBS, Inc. 6, Tompkins Square Riots 2
LBS, Inc.: Karsten Pichon 2 (7), Dustin Shutes 2 (3), Others not yet reported
Tompkins Square Riots: Not yet reported
Goalie Win: Tim Brown (5)

Dark Rainbows 2, Rehabs 1
Dark Rainbows: Mark Talercio (1), Camber Weiss (1)
Rehabs: Rob B. (4)
Goalie Win: Kevin Longwell (3)

Gremlins 6, Denim Demons 2
Gremlins: Erich Graham 2 (4), Brian Hicks 2 (8), Gunner Katatikarn (via Mega Touch), Julie Katz (via Mega Touch)
Denim Demons: Not yet reported
Goalie Win: Jamie Batuwantudawe (6)

Please submit any corrections to derek@btsh.org
Auditions, Auditions, Auditions!

Have you ever wondered what you have in common with Gil from the Elves?!  It’s probably not scoring nonstop, but it likely is auditioning for the first 3 spots to be Chelsea Piers’ male snow bunnies for the Women’s Summer Hockey League at Chelsea Piers!

Gil Gif

Now, you’re probably asking yourself, who is going to play in this league? Well, you have two options, if you’re a guy, audition to be a snow bunny. Auditions take place in the last stall of the Tompkins Square Bathroom and usually last about 30-45 seconds depending on the judge—Derek advises undergarment creativity.

If you’re a girl, you have two options: 1) you like hockey and want to play for love of the sport, but are a bit rusty or still developing your game—join the B/C league; 2) you’re good at hockey, played a high level for a good part of your life, and aspire to one day be on the Mathematics—join the A Division.

Click here to officially register and pay for some awesome summer hockey nights (with Rich Glanzer likely watching you from the dark corner of the rink)!

Are you surprised by all these men wanting to cheer on these ladies? You shouldn’t be—despite BTSH being ran my all men, it is the most progressive sports league in America—name any other league that cancels for Mother’s Day and Flag Day, but forces you to play and neglect Father’s Day as a holiday like so many fathers neglected us!

Click here to find out more, unless you already clicked the first link!

And, with a league this progressive, there are going to be individuals brimming for more.  It’s not just the NWHL and the NWHL’s reporting hype man they are so unknowingly in desperate need of:

or Rich Glanzer’s go get’em reporting style:

But, it is also home to Math’s own Roxanne Gaudiel forming this league at Chelsea Pier’s.  Have any questions?

Click here! Click here! Click here! Click here! No, literally, click here and pay—I’m super late on this post and registration ends soon!!!

Don’t you hate when you get out of the shower in July and have sweat on your forehead?  Well, guess where that won’t happen—in an ice rink shower, dummy!  But guess where you will instantly get sweat on your forehead while being on ice?  That’s right, on the rink as you watch the eye tantalizing treat of male snow bunnies every 10 minutes, ladies!!!  BTW, Rich, you’re not allowed to audition.

Making It Rain

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How awkward will this get when Susan B. Anthony is on some of those bills?


LBS, Inc. 4, Happy Little Elves 1

LBS, Inc.: Sam Anthony 2 (3), Karsten Pichon (5), Wick (1)
Happy Little Elves: Gil Valdes (6)
Goalie Win: Tim Brown (4)

Corlears Hookers 8, Poutine Machine 3
Corlears Hookers: Noelle Safar 3 (4), Danilo Biagioni 2 (6), Gavin Kearney 2 (3), Jason Eitel (5)
Poutine Machine: Kevin MacDonald (2), Jo-Ann Provencher (2), Brian S. (1)
Goalie Win: Not yet reported

Fresh Kills 3, Denim Demons 1
Fresh Kills: Sheena Wagaman 2 (2), Andrew (4)
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen (7)
Goalie Win: Patrick Barch (5)

What The Puck 3, Cobra Kai 2
What The Puck: Charlie Spelina 2 (4), Dave MacCallum (5)
Cobra Kai: Rachel Longley (4), J.J. Murphy (1)
Goalie Win: Jordan Gerow (4)

Sky Fighters 5, Instant Karma 2
Sky Fighters: Yehuda Bloom (1), Greg Infanti (2), Julie Katz (via Mega Touch), Mike Teytelbaum (1), Roman Teytelbaum (4)
Instant Karma: Ben Chadwick (5), Alfred Liu (3)
Goalie Win: James Stein (2)

Gouging Anklebiters 3, Gut Rot 2
Gouging Anklebiters: Sarah Moore (3), Ben Probert (3), Matt Workman (2)
Gut Rot: David (1), Scott Kollar (2)
Goalie Win: Craig LaCombe (1)

Rehabs 2, Butchers 0
Rehabs: Mike Lasry (1), Bryan Welch (2)
Shutout: $h0wT!m3 (4)

Dark Rainbows 3, Gremlins 1
Dark Rainbows: Dmitri 2 (2), Aaron Friedman (1)
Gremlins: Rod Sherwood (8)
Goalie Win: Kevin Longwell (2)

Tompkins Square Riots at Mega Touch
Game Notes: Game postponed due to rain fears.

Mathematics at Filthy Gorgeous
Game Notes: Game postponed due to rain fears.

Please submit any corrections to derek@btsh.org.