Five competitors now stand in the center of the ring, all facing each other: Brügger, Glanzer, Sam, Rebecca, and Marisa.  Glanzer looks around and says, “One of us is winning this thing, and it’s going to be me.”  However, just as the other competitors are about to object, Gut Rot’s own Mike Gilligan shouts from the crowd, “You forgot about Heather!”  Sure enough, Heather had been knocked out of the ring, but she was never thrown OVER the top rope.  She crawls back into the ring.  SIX people are left; only one will win.

Mike is in there somewhere, making sure things are on the up and up.

Gilligan is in there somewhere, making sure things are on the up and up.

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***41st Entrant: Rebecca Norris, Mathematics***
 
The huge TitanTron isn’t playing Rebecca Norris’ music. It’s playing this video:


Rebecca is walking very slowly to the ring and says, “Rich Glanzer…for the past year, you’ve been bragging about beating me in arm-wrestling. I left the country in a ruse to help underprivileged children, but what I’ve really been doing is P90x!

P90X is harder than Crossfit!

P90X is harder than Crossfit!

 

Becky then flexes with her meanest grimace to show Glanzer she means business.


Noticing Glanzer is distracted, Marisa, Jenn, Julie, Sam, and Rachel all go to attack him, but Brügger fends them off.

While Glanzer has a friend on the inside, he also has one on the outside, as he calls in one of his disciples to dispose of Becky before she hits the ring. But who is it?

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As a recap, the following competitors are still in the ring*: Jonathan Brügger, Marisa Cohen, Jennifer Popack, Julie Katz, Jenna Cruff, Sascha Puritz, Adam Rubens, “John” Sena, Sam Norris, Dani Rylan, and Rachel Nabatz.

*Luisa was briefly in the ring to help eliminate Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos, but since she is not an official entrant, referee Aaron Friedman forced her to exit the ring area.

***35th Entrant: Jerry Chavez, Gut Rot***

Caption for Jerry

Caption for Jerry


Jerry receives a warm ovation from the fans as he runs down to the ring.  He immediately starts to go after some of the former GPGs, just in case they develop any notions of reforming.  The strategy pays off, as he is able to take advantage of being the fresh man and disposes of Sascha rather quickly.

***Sascha Puritz has been eliminated***

Jerry continues to clean house and is beginning to look like the new favorite to take this thing.  However, he then eyes Brügger, who has been in the Rumble since it started.  Clearly, to have a chance at winning, Jerry is going to have to go through Brügger.  The two stand face to face in an epic stare down.  Jerry shoves Brügger, who nearly tumbles backwards over the rope.  Jerry continues to push him, and Brügger is now over the top rope standing on the ring apron.  One more good shove, and the man who’s been in this the longest will be history.  At that moment, Springsteen’s “Born to Run” starts playing over the loudspeaker.  Who could this be?

Completely wrong album, but it's not like we need much of an excuse to post this picture anyway.

Completely wrong album, but it’s not like we need much of an excuse to post this picture anyway.

[Continue Reading...]
As a recap, the following competitors are still in the ring*: Jonathan Brügger, Marisa Cohen, Jennifer Popack, Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos, Julie Katz, Craig LaCombe, Jenna Cruff, Sascha Puritz, Hector Melendez, Adam Rubens, and “John” Sena.

*Stephanie Cooper was last mentioned as supporting the Canadians from ringside. We’re assuming she left some time after they were all eliminated. If anyone sees her please let us know.

***30th Entrant: Jamie Abcdefghijklmnopqursuvwxyz (Gremlins)***

Jamie walks into the ring as the entrants now realize they are all in this alone. Suddenly, $h0wT!m3 looks at Craig, they both look at Jamie, and the three politely ask Jerome and his mini Philippine flag to move from the middle of the ring so they can speak to the crowd. $h0wT!m3 says, “The Canadians have been destroyed, the GPGs are decimated, and now the most dominant faction in the history of BTSH is back: The Goalie Union!”

The Goalie Union was as successful as the 2013 All-Star Game!

Can The Goalie Union be as successful as the 2013 All-Star Game?


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***25th Entrant: Adam Rubens, Denim Demons***

Much like his teammate Jenn, Rubens is taunted mercilessly by the fans as he walks down the aisle. Rubens walks into the ring and notices Alex reffing. He starts complaining that Alex isn’t a fair ref. He picks up the mic and calls out League Commissioner Tim Brown. Rubens tells Tim that Lena doesn’t feel safe with Alex reffing. Tim, still hurting from the Bodyslam by Brügger©, is in no mood and reminds Adam that Lena isn’t in the Rumble. Adam says maybe she’s the surprise entrant but Tim tells him Becky Norris is the surprise entrant.  Brügger is infuriated there was no spoiler alert and picks Tim back into the ring. Marisa sees Tim and swoons. She never thought she would get over Denis but now she has. Brügger tosses Tim out of the ring. Marisa goes into a corner to write in her diary, wondering if she will ever find love again.

***Tim Brown is eliminated (again)***

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