by Eli and Isaac

There are only two weeks remaining in the 2016 regular season, but there is still so much to play for.  Eli and I have analyzed the current standings, game results (box scores) and remaining schedule to determine what teams are playing for down the stretch of the season.  Here’s part 1 on the Tompkins Square Park Conference (part 2 on the Corlears Park Conference will post tomorrow).

TOMPKINS SQUARE PARK CONFERENCE

East Village Tavern Division

 

FRESH KILLS (21 pts)

Current Standings: Division -1st, League – 4th
Remaining Division Games: 2 (LBS, Inc. and Filthier)
Remaining Games: 2 (see above)
Potential Wins: 1.5
What Are They Playing For: The division title and the #2 seed overall.  Okay, there’s a 0.001% chance they can snag the #1 seed, but that would require a four-way tie for first between them, Fuzz, the Rehabs, and Butchers, and some convoluted tie-breakers going their way.
What They Need: To win the division, a win again LBS, Inc. and taking Filthier to overtime, or a win against Filthier and taking LBS, Inc. to overtime.  They could probably back into the title with just one win or even two OT losses, but where’s the fun in that?
Best Case Scenario: They win their last two games and clinch the division title, while the Rehabs and Butchers each lose two games, earning FK the #2 seed.
Worst Case Scenario: They lose their last two games, while the Demons and Sky Fighters win out and LBS, Inc. beats Math, putting them in a tie for last.

 

FILTHIER (19 pts)

Current Standings: Division – 2nd, League – 5th
Remaining Division Games: 2 (Denim Demons and Fresh Kills)
Remaining Games: 2 (see above)
Potential Wins: 1
What Are They Playing For: The division title and playoff seeding.
What They Need: To win the division, they’ll need to win out and have LBS, Inc. beat Fresh Kills.
Best Case Scenario: They win their last two games to clinch the division title and finish third overall in the league as the Butchers losing their remaining games.
Worst Case Scenario: Toronto (the city, not the Maple Leafs) claims Denis before the season ends, Jess discovers fantasy football, Tim somehow gives up another goal to Richie, and Filthy moves down a division.

 

LBS, Inc. (19 pts)

Current Standings: Division – 3rd, League – 6th
Remaining Division Games: 1 (Fresh Kills)
Remaining Games: 2 (FK and Mathematics)
Potential Wins: 1
What’s Are They Playing For: The division title and playoff seeding.
What They Need: To win the division, they’ll need to win out (preferably in regulation against Fresh Kills) and for Filthier to lose out.
Best Case Scenario: They win their last two games to clinch the division title and finish 3rd overall in the league as the Butchers losing their remaining games.
Worst Case Scenario: They lose their last two games, tumble down in the league standings, miss out on a playoff bye and Timmy Baby returns to Poutine.

 

SKY FIGHTERS (17 pts)

Current Standings: Division – 4th, League – 9th
Remaining Division Games: None
Remaining Games: 2 (Corlears Hookers and Gut Rot)
Potential Wins: 2
What Are They Playing For: To remain in their division and playoff seeding.
What They Need: In order not to move down a division they’ll need to win out and the have the Demons lose one, or win one game and have the Demons lose two, or have the Demons lose out.
Best Case Scenario: They win their last two games and the Demons lose one.  Dan Hopper’s Ocean City appearance is enough to gain himself playoff eligibility.
Worst Case Scenario: They lose both games and drop a division as the Demons win at least one.  Those brothers retire from BTSH because it isn’t hard core enough for them.

 

DENIM DEMONS (16 pts)

Current Standings: Division – 5th, League – 11th
Remaining Division Games: 1 (Filthier)
Remaining Games: 3 (Filthier, Fuzz and Gouging Anklebiters)
Potential Wins: 1
What Are They Playing For: To remain in their division, playoff seeding and (believe it or not) the division title.
What They Need: To win the division, they’ll need to win out, have Fresh Kills lose out, and have Math beat LBS, Inc.  To avoid relegation, they’ll need to win out, win two and have the Sky Fighters lose one, or win one and have the Sky Fighters lose out.
Best Case Scenario: They win the division title, improve in the playoff seeding and Seffi and their Man-Child goalie stick around for the playoffs.
Worst Case Scenario: Seffi and Man-Child are off the college, they lose all of their remaining games, Rubens’ injuries are worse than he initially let on and end up playing the Butchers twice next year.

Ace Division

 

FUZZ (25 pts)

Current Standings: Division – 1st, League – 1st
Remaining Division Games: 1 (Gouging Anklebiters)
Remaining Games: 2 (Biters and Demons)
Potential Wins: 1
What Are They Playing For: The division title and the #1 seed overall.
What They Need: To win the division they’ll need to win out, win one game while the Rehabs lose one, or have the Rehabs lose out.  For top seeding in the playoffs they need to win out, or win one game with both the Rehabs and Butchers losing one game.
Best Case Scenario: They keep on rolling offensively, win the division and finish tops in the league.
Worst Case Scenario: The best case scenario happens, but all that gets them is a round of 16 matchup with a fully stocked Corlears Hookers squad.

REHABS (24 pts)

Current Standings: Division – 2nd, League – 2nd
Remaining Division Games: 1 (Mathematics)
Remaining Games: 2 (Math and Tompkins Square Riots)
Potential Wins: 1
What Are They Playing For: The division title and the #1 seed overall.
What They Need: To win the division, they’ll need to win out and have Fuzz lose once, or win once while Fuzz loses out.  To win the top seed, they’ll need to win the division, and have the Butchers lose once, or if they lose once then the Butchers have to lose twice.
Best Case Scenario: They take care of business by winning both games along with the division title and the #1 seed, and Ryann returns.
Worst Case Scenario: They can’t score or defend, lose both games, finish 4th overall in the league and Ryann defects to Instant Karma…again.

MATHEMATICS (18 pts)

Current Standings: Division – 3rd, League – 7th
Remaining Division Games: 1 (Rehabs)
Remaining Games: 2 (Rehabs and LBS)
Potential Wins: 0
What Are They Playing For: Playoff seeding.
What They Need: Two wins to definitely avoid the opening round or one win to likely avoid the opening round.
Best Case Scenario: Finish 4th overall in the league by winning out, having Fresh Kills lose out in regulation, and a few other breaks go their way.
Worst Case Scenario: Losing both games, tumbling down in the standings, missing out on a playoff bye and the Mets miss the playoffs.

GOUGING ANKLEBITERS (17 pts)

Current Standings: Division – 4th, League – 10th
Remaining Division Games: 1 (Fuzz)
Remaining Games: 3 (Fuzz, Poutine Machine and Demons)
Potential Wins: 1
What Are They Playing For: Playoff seeding.
What They Need: Pretty much the same as Math. They can’t win the division or be relegated, so it’s all about seeding.
Best Case Scenario: Finish 3rd overall in the league by winning out, having Fresh Kills and the Butchers both lose out, and a couple of other breaks go their way.
Worst Case Scenario: Somebody, not saying who, could ‘walk’ away with Craig’s goalie mask again throwing him all outta sorts and the Biters into an opening round game.

CORLEARS HOOKERS (8 pts)

Current Standings: Division – 5th, League – 19th
Remaining Division Games: None
Remaining Games: 2 (Sky Fighters and Dark Rainbows)
Potential Wins: 1
What Are They Playing For: Pride. We guess.
What They Need: They’re moving down no matter what..but to which division is still unclear.
Best Case Scenario: Lock-up Newman as their No. 1 goalie, win their remaining games, make sure Eitel, Sarah, and Danilo know when the playoffs begin, and give Fuzz a scare in the round of 16.
Worst Case Scenario: Well, at this point they can’t get worse than 19th, but they could lock-up Newman, aka ‘Mr. Open Five Hole,’ as their No. 1 goalie.