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Week (whatever week it is) Previews

written by Cookie Puss and Fudgie The Whale

Rehabs vs Gut Rot

Oh shit, is this Division 1 vs Division 4 week? Aka “Bloody Sunday”. Looks like it is. 

I hate to say it, but,…..none are gonna be bloodier than this one. 

Prediction: If Ramirez is in net for the Habs, 8-0 Habs. If Ramirez is not in net, 8-1 Habs. 

Mega Touch vs Fuzz

The battle of Rich vs. Julie (*looks for that photo that Julie hates*), the two most competitive people in BTSH. (Unless you count JW, at board games.)

Fuzz has had ROUGH season this far, causing Rich to take out his aggression by posting WWF photos to the BTSH Facebook page. Meanwhile, Mega…….hmm, do Mega still do V-neck/jorts day? This game might be a good day for it. 

Prediction: Mega keep it close, but the end result is what you’d expect. 5-3, Fuzz.

I found it.

Sky Fighters vs Hookers

The Hookers were formed as a power team. (Insert angry emoji here.) They were good for many years, then had this surprising slump for a couple years, but now they are back with a vengeance. Dustin’s return and Danilo showing up a lot more, plus their women, are likely the reason for this. The Sky Fighters are finally starting to let us know who they are. They have become a young, fast, run and gun team. I even saw Infanti running. Once. 

Prediction: The Sky Fighters COULD pull the upset here. But…they don’t. 4-1, Hooks. 

Filthier vs Dark Rainbows

Stop, stop! He’s already dead!

Rehabs at Gut Rot

Prediction: The Rainbows are the “dead” in this scenario, 4-0. 

LBS, Inc. vs Tompkins Square Riots

Stop, stop, he’s already — you know the rest. The LBS pregame hard in the Tent of Iniquity, but it barely matters. 

Prediction: Poundtown, 5-1

Butchers vs. What The Puck

Pucks have the better record, but no one can count out the Butchers completely, and not just because they’ll send you threatening knife-pig texts for predicting they’ll lose. This will be a close and exciting match. 

Prediction: Pucks take it in a shootout, 3-2. 

Poutine Machine vs Cobra Kai

These are two of the most lethal offensive teams in the league. Poutine got shut out in their twilight matchup against the Gremlins last game, so they’ll be out for blood. Charlotte’s return from injury will be a boost to them. Meanwhile, Cobra Kai has underperformed this season. And they’re getting tired of it. Apparently LJ has been threatening to cut half the team. 

Prediction: Poutine scores early, but Cobra Kai wake up and right the ship.  4-2, Kai. 

Denim Demons vs Fresh Kills

The Demons posted a big shootout win over the Grems last game. FK have had a rough season but seem to be hitting their stride. If Nicole and Rox make the game, they should be alright. 

Prediction: Someone on FK will inevitably get run over, but…that won’t stop them from winning. 4-2, FK.

Mathematics vs Gremlins

The Gremlins had a lot of angry feelings about the Demons a couple weeks ago, so I’m afraid of what’s going to happen when they meet Eli, the true goon of this league. Lucky for the Grems, Jamie blocks (almost) every Tadpole shot that comes his way. 

Prediction: The Gremlins win at hockey in addition to trivia, 2-1. 

Gouging Anklebiters vs Instant Karma

Probert and Derek are buddies. But not today. This matchup pits two of the league’s top natural goal scorers against each other. However, it also features two very strong goalies. 

Prediction: Karma hangs on to force OT, however the Biters end it there. Sorry, Karma, but you shouldn’t have left Coco alone on the back door. 3-2 Biters, in OT.

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