By Richiepoothang

Before I write these previews, I want to make sure I get paid even if the games are called off due to Rain Fears. I mean I went to the park today and saw this woman with an umbrella and thought, “Thank God Danielle didn’t see her or she’d cancel the whole season.”

Mega Touch at Gut Rot
Mega comes into this game in first place in the formerly named something division. BTW, how long is this division naming process going to take place? Right now its just called the Fourth Division, which is kinda ironic because Gut Rot is looking to score its fourth goal of the season. 

Prediction: Lopps scores two goals, Gilligan scores two goals, but Adriano nets 3. 5-2 Mega. The beers will taste well for Nadya and the gang in their little private Mega circle after the game. 

Poutine Machine at Tompkins Square Riots
One of the best surprises this year has been the Riots defense. Outside of the one game vs. Fresh Kills, they’ve been solid all year. Spencer T. is a Flyers fan who molds his game after Chris Pronger. (Ummmm refs, we probably should talk about this) Scott T. is Mr. Reliable, who patterns his game after Schuey (Ummm Scott we probably should talk about this).

And Ben T. is a feisty aggressive player who isn’t as famous as the Chadwicks, Blooms or Proberts of the BTSH Bens, but he’s probably better than at least one of them. (It’s you Chadwick.)

For Poutine, they are relying on two rookies to get the job done. Mike M. joined the team late last year (and kept his rookie status) and has netted 3 goals. For the ladies, Charlotte keeps finding the web of the goaltenders glove, but that will change soon enough with her shot, which according to (Brian Sullivan Mention Alert) Brian Sullivan is better than most guys. 

Prediction: Sorry Charlotte, Dave GDR ain’t giving up no goal to no damned rookie. But he’ll give up 1 to Hornswoggle V to the R. But Ben and Drew L. score for the Riots to take a really good game, 2-1. 

Denim Demons at Corlears Hookers
What the hell is going on here? I thought I poached all the good players from the Demons? But don’t look now, they are at the top of the BTSH Universe with an outstanding 5-1 record. Ariel would have a strong chance for League MVP with his 1.60 E.R.A., except I don’t think we do an MVP anymore, and even if we did we would never give it based on athletic accomplishment. Slow your roll Ariel, not happening.

Meanwhile, the Hookers are clearly no longer an elite regular season team. Too many superstars come and go and the regulars holding it down are good, but not FK/Filthy good. My advice is to poach Peter D’Angelo from the Butchers, and call yourself Fuzz. That’s what I would do.

Prediction: The Hookers probably won’t get D’Angelo this week, so I’ll go with Tracy Miller, Josh, JR and the rest of the Demons, 5-3. 

Cobra Kai at Sky Fighters
According to Rachel Greene, these are the two best teams in the league. Both are 11-0 and the defending BTSH Champions. But much like everyone hating Fuzz, this simply isn’t true. First of all, everyone loves Fuzz. But back to CK and SF. Neither is a good team. Neither is a bad team. Both are a mediocre team, hence their 3-3 records.  So lets not talk about those two brothers from SF that score their goals, or the Two Rachels that score Cobra Kai’s goals. Lets talk about the players that strive for mediocrity. 

From Olivier SUA: “Stefan D. Amazing guy (he’s Canadian!), but hooooorrible scorer, maybe worst than you. Hasn’t scored a goal since I joined the league, 3 1/2 years ago. Greg I. also in the league for a long time. Uses this bubble-hockey spin-o-rama move when defending, but has been told by Mike T. that it works only like 10% of the time. Back to the drawing board Greg. Also, don’t copy-paste my sentences, I don’t speak English! SUA!”  Wouldn’t think of it Olvier, thank you for your input.

Meanwhile, is there anyone more mediocre than Sebastian? I mean we all love him, he’s a good guy, and once even had a good game. I think he had a hat trick and then Julie took a photo with him and stole his first star. Meanwhile, Nick has given up 19 goals in 6 games. That’s basically 3 a game. You seriously cannot get more mediocre than that. 

Prediction: I like my mediocrity American! But sadly, SUA and the Sky Commies take this one 3-2. 

Fresh Kills vs. Filthier
The mediocrity ends here. This very well can be a finals preview. 

The goalie matchup is a push. Both are former champions and for my money, they are the top two goalies in the league. Yes, Tim K., I think you are one of the two best goalies in the league, please stop telling everyone how great you are. 

For FK, Sheena was battling it out for top female scorer in the league, but then realized she’s not nearly as talented as Ryann or Cherie, and more like Hobart. So she will have to battle for 3rd with a lot of other really talented players.

Meanwhile, lets play BTSH trivia. Besides Denis, who is the other Filthier player on the scoring list? WRONG! I’m just assuming you got it wrong. But the correct answer is Kate M., who has two goals in her last two games. 

Prediction: I really hope both teams show. FK 3-2 in OT. Ariel for the win. 

Breaking News!
Filthier just got Filthiest. Jeff K. has left the Demons to join the champs. But don’t worry, Jeff has agreed to buy a beer for any goalie he scores upon. And not the cheap $3 beer either, a real legit $4 Bud Light!