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Week 9 Previews of All-Star Sunday – Part 1

Filthier at Lbs POUNDS, Inc
by A Young Padawan and their Jedi Master

The POUNDS are coming off a hot recent win against Cobra Kai. Not only do they have this big win to celebrate but the team also had a recent engagement (congrats to Avery and Micayla!!!). They are going to be a difficult team to beat, averaging more than 4 goals a game and coming off a 6 game winning streak. Even more impressive is Karsten and Scotty K.’s 9 goals each, placing them as 3rd and 4th ranked in the goal standings.

They’re like the best thing since sliced Lb cake!

While the Lbs were enjoying their cake and eating it too (still confirming if it was pound cake or Oreo cake), Filthier was strategizing. They average 3 goals a game and have Greg K, Sunny, and James racking up the goals as well. Several other members of their team have contributed this season (Jaime, Sean, Ann, and J.J. A.), which makes them a force to be reckoned with.

Seriously, we get it.

(Also, speaking of engagements, James and Ann are also engaged. But, we are tired of talking about them. WE GET IT, YOU’RE IN LOVE.)

This is going to be a tough one, but POUNDS have been coming with a vengeance this season and have displayed a solid show for us all.

Prediction: Lbs POUNDS 4, Filthier 3.

Disclaimers:

  1. We don’t usually write actual hockey previews, but both of these teams are so good…..we decided to this week. (That or we were just too lazy/busy to come up with something creative.)
  2. There was a slight disagreement between the padawan and the jedi regarding the spelling of ?Pounds?, ?Lbs?, as you can see.

Gremlins at Instant Karma
by Chairwoman Rachel

If you’ve watched the Gremlins lately you might have noticed a few things: 1. They score a lot of goals. Marcella, the bros(whatever weird nickname you guys have for them), Erich…any of them. 2. They have an immense bench. The irony is not lost on the media, who feel there may be more Gremlins on that roster than actual Gremlins still on the road. 3. Jamie. This guy tromps off to Montenegro for two weeks and comes back shutting it down like an ice cream sandwich(consensus: it’s a sandwich). Man I would hate that guy if he wasn’t so good at trivia and actually sometimes my teammate and also actually also my friend. FU Jamie. 4. They might not all be totally clear on the etiquette of butt touching. Someone should ask LaCombe, I think he’s the resident expert of BTSH.

So whatever, the Gremlins have all those things. You know what they don’t have? They don’t have a Stick of Kali. How cute are these Karma Chameleons with their cultural appropriation! But seriously, they are pretty cute. Cap’n Chadwick is campaigning around for best looking team in BTSH. Isaac did some serious work in the off season, not just at gym, but also at scrimmage, scooping up all the talent. Isaac, here’s a lil friendly advice, steer clear of Derek’s Boston friends. This Karmic Clan has been a bit unpredictable this season, starting off hot, but recently cooled down a bit. Maybe the debut new jerseys(not to be confused with New Jersey, greatest state in the union), will help them get their groove back. Or just Nicole, because she’s awesome. NICOLE MAKE THE WINNING HAPPEN.

Prediction: 5-2 Gremlins. I’d like to say this is the week that Karma rights the ship, but I was on the business end of the Gremlins last week, and it’s not pretty.

Cobra Kai at Tompkins Square Riots
by Richiehero

Poor Will G. He can no longer go on Facebook and say the Dojo is undefeated. But why not? Fresh Kills and Isaac claim FK finished undefeated last year even though they didn’t. They lost in a shootout to Filthier. Cobra Kai lost in a shootout to Lbs. So why aren’t we giving Kai the same courtesy? I guess the answer to that question is progress. If you lose, you lose. There is no asterisk, just an L.

Speaking of losing…the Riots didn’t just lose to the Rainbows last week, they also lost to the Sky Fighters. But they didn’t just lose both games, they got shutout. As my D partner Alyssa said when I was going to play offense one game, “Yikes.”

Prediction: I want to predict the Riots lose 7-0, just so I get an angry comment from 2017 HOFer Dave G. D.R., but I don’t feel that way. The Riots forceheck well, sprint defensively and have solid team speed. Meanwhile Dani and Tom seemed to be glowing with their acceptance to Cecil Harambe. And #My2017RookieoftheYear Campbell doesn’t let in week goals. Unfortunately, I predict another Sunday without any goals for the Riots. But Dave comes up big and holds CK to 4 goals.

Butchers at Fresh Kills
by Izzy

The Butcher’s season has been a tale of two teams – the Respectful Defenders of their Home and the Soft Dumps in the Corner on the Road.  With this week’s match-up sending them away into hostile territory we’re a little concerned for what this could mean team’s psyche. We know what Georgine and Mike bring to this team, but it’s time for others like Pete D’A to step up and display some of that Rebel Scum grit.

Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions, BTSH.

For a team that won the BTSH Championship last season, and came within one point of a perfect season, Fresh Kills haven’t been getting a lot attention this year.  But that’s just fine with Soko and Fresh Kills. They prefer to operate in the shadows while the spotlight is on the pretenders. As a matter of fact, the only thing that’s really been heard from them is Sheena shaking down teams for their league fees like Big Worm does his underlings.

Prediction: Gabe’s superluminal shot, where the instant his blade connects with ball it is already in the back of the net, will earn him his first hatty of the season and his team the home victory, 5-3.

Denim Demons at Poutine Machine
by Izzy

RECAP: TSP – well folks, that was one of the most entertaining BTSH games the league has produced in the modern era.

Tempers flared during the pre-game warm-up when an aminical debate by two Pooers over which Baldwin brother is more despicable was overheard by David and misunderstood as Rosen (because those two sound so much alike).  A shouting match ensued, chests were stuck out and Josh yelled ‘HOLD ME BACK!.’ Thoroughly confusing the Poos because his brother was pushing him forward.

The moment the ball was dropped it was all 100 by the Adam and his Demons as they leapt out to an early 4 goal lead in first 3+ minutes.  Mike M scored one for morale putting the Machine on the board, but Zach No. 1 and No. 3 responded with 5 of their own.  By the 21st minute mark the Demons were up by 6 goals and it looked as if JoJo and her team would need to be carried out on a stretcher and nursed by Labatt Blues.

Riding high and ignoring the cautionary tale of hubris, the Demon’s pranced out onto the court to start the second half and watched as the script was flipped on them.  Charlotte’s Ringers got the scoring started by sending a laser past Zach No. 2 and didn’t let up as they and Christina collected another 3 during the same shift. The next 17 minutes were a blur as the teams combined for 13 more goals that saw the lead change three times.  The ref with the score sheet gave up on recording the names and just wrote down notches.

Conclusion: the final score ended up being Poutine Machine 20, Denim Demons 19 and tossing several new names into the scoring title conversation.  We may never see another match like this one again.

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