Trust Us, That’s Corey
Three Stars of the Week
Third Star: Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos, Happy Little Elves. Hornswoggle netted two goals in the opening contest of the 2011 Fairy Tale Cup, helping the Elves to a 4-3 shootout win against the Unicorns. His second goal of the game came late in the second half, igniting a two-goal rally that forced overtime.
Second Star: Ariel Imas, Fresh Kills. Imas stayed in his own defensive zone for the majority of Fresh Kills’ game against the Sky Fighters. He blocked an onslaught of Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka’s shots from the point, holding the big Czech scoreless. In addition, Imas scored his team’s lone shootout goal as Fresh Kills tied the Sky Fighters 1-1.
First Star: Corey “Chongo” Winters, What The Puck. Chongo was informed just minutes before his game against the Corlears Hookers that he would be playing in between the pipes. Despite the short notice, Winters recorded his second shutout in just his third start of the season. Winters’ GAA of 0.67 would be first in the league if he met the minimum qualifying criteria.
Save The Date
On Sunday, July 31, the BTSH Media will once again host the annual All-Star Game. For the second year in a row, this event will pit the stars of the Weyersberg Conference against the stars of the Schumacher Conference. Last year, the Weyersberg Conference All-Stars, led by coaches Corey “Chongo” Winters and Abby “Tayne” Meisterman, defeated the Schumacher Conference All-Stars, who were coached by Jesse Kalb and Amy Barrett.
If you are interested in coaching one of the squads this season, please submit an application to the media.
Shaun deLacy GAA Watch
This year, due to a series of stupid bets made by Happy Little Elves goalie Shaun deLacy, the media will track his goals against average over the course of the regular season.
Goals Allowed This Week: 3 (vs. Unicorns)
Goals Allowed Previously: 15
Goals Allowed This Season: 18
Games Played: 7
Goals Against Average: 2.57
Next Opponent: Corlears Hookers (2.13 goals per game)
Shaun put in a solid outing in the Fairy Tale Cup opener, allowing three goals in the Elves’ overtime win against the Unicorns. His performance elevated his GAA just slightly to a respectable 2.57. This week, he faces the Corlears Hookers, who scored three goals against Shaun (as well as a late empty-netter) en route to a 4-1 Opening Day win.
Know Your Neighbor
Name: Arnold Sanchez
Suggested Nickname: The Sanchize
Rejected Nicknames: Hey!, Da Meat Hook, Ahnold, The Gooch
Origin: New Rochelle, NY
College: University at Albany, State University of New York
Quote: “Who has a ticket to the gun show?”
First Job: Bus boy at the Thruway Diner
Current Job: Quality of Service Manager at Google
Early Accomplishments: Finishing 3rd in the 1980 New Rochelle Frisbee Golf Classic
Current Accomplishments: Beating Poutine Machine’s Jo-Ann Provencher in a 1 on 1 basketball game
Hero: Nikki Sixx
Reason to Love Him: He played a game in a full chicken costume on Halloween last year.
Reason to Hate Him: He doesn’t own a television.
Best Known For: Being the fastest 40+ year old in BTSH
Fast Fact: Arnold first heard Guns N’ Roses’ “Sweet Child o Mine” at the now closed Gary’s Barley Corn.
Favorite Things: Ultimate frisbee, Motley Crüe, mountain biking, tank tops
Favorite New Rochelle Road: Cedar Street
Least Favorite Things: Iona students, board games, updating his blog, Trump Plaza
Hockey Comparison: Marc Staal
Non-Hockey Comparison: Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez
Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Him: He was placed on the media’s All-Rookie team defense for his role in shutting down the Denim Demons’ potent offense in the 2010 quarterfinals.
Down the Road: Arnold enters a race among BTSH’s fastest male players, after Mega Touch’s Eric Devlin is unwittingly talked into hosting the BTSH skills competition once again. Other entrants include Tommy Capatosta (LBS, Inc.), David Kenneth Fraser (Denim Demons), Scott Lee (Fresh Kills), Adam Langer (Mathematics), Denis Miciletto (La Famiglia), Chris (Unicorns), Sarab Lalri (Cobra Kai), and Joe Lops (Mega Touch). Unable to finish, Scott Lee trips over himself several yards from the finish line causing a massive pile-up of all but one of the racers. This allows David Kenneth Fraser, who wisely held back from the pack, to pass the giant pile for the gold medal. David is widely acknowledged as the undisputed fastest male in the league.