Will Hurricane Sharif Hit NYC On August 1?

Although Summer has just begun, the BTSH calendar is rapidly filling up with special events and social festivities. Here is a look at what is upcoming:

August 1 – Old Timers’ Game.  To commemorate BTSH’s 10-year anniversary, Randy Locklair of the Butchers is organizing an Old Timers’ Game.  The game will feature long-standing veterans of the league, as well as a few retired players.  Although none of the retired players have been confirmed as of yet, some of Randy’s targets include “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser, Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi, Brendan “Flounder” Hay, Molly Jacobs, Peter “Ski” Oblamski, and Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher.

August 8 – Farewell to Corlears & Johnsons Olympics.  BTSH will return to Corlears Hook Park for one last hurrah before NYC converts it to a turf field.  Relive some memories as you experience for the last time the joys of the heckle wall, peeing alongside the FDR, and celebrating a goal on the bird bath.  After the games, head on over to Welcome to the Johnsons, where Phil “Sandy” Donohue (GA) and bartender Brent Smith will once again host the Johnsons Olympics.  Just make sure you don’t accept any cupcakes from Minkus while there.

August 22 – All-Star Game.  This year, BTSH’s annual event will pit the best from the Weyersberg Conference against the best from the Schumacher Conference.  As always, in addition to the players, the game will feature some of the best hockey minds in the league as coaches.  If you would like to follow in the footsteps of coaching luminaries such as Rich Glanzer, Stacy S. Kehoe, Georgine “Mulva” Paulin, and Steve Chernoski, please submit an application to the media.

August 28 – Saturday Games and Pub Crawl.  Due a prior booking of Tompkins on August 29, the league shakes things up a bit with a slate of Saturday matchups.  As a bonus, since most people do not have to get up early for work the next day, there will be a Lower East Side pub crawl following the games.

September 25 – NYC Women’s Tournament.  League manager Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta thinks, “This is gonna be a rip roar!”  Dana Kravis of Filthy Gorgeous is organizing a tournament solely for the ladies of BTSH (and pretty much any other woman who wants to play) that promises to be a ton of fun for players and spectators.  In addition, proceeds will benefit the Girls for Gender Equity charity.

Dirty Laundry

Written by Fashion Correspondent Abigail Meisterman

Something I’ve noticed while looking at the new jerseys this season is that many of the new teams strive to make an impression with a creative take on a recognizable logo (e.g. Poutine Machine) or their own design, while older teams have decided not to reinvent the wheel and just update their look (e.g. LBS, Inc.). True to this form is this week’s submission, What The Puck.

After ten years and who(Bob W)-knows-how-many goals, WTP has stuck to what has been working for them: orange t-shirt, team name, and maybe a symbol. This year, they’ve opted for a simple Roman numeral X to represent their tenure in the league. I am not moved to nostalgia when I see this shirt, though. No, when I see WTP’s 2010 jersey, I recall the second best Indiana Jones movie, The Last Crusade, in which X actually does mark the spot. I am not condoning violence.  However, if this shirt moves you to plunge your hockey stick into the chest of the one who just scored on you so that you may get to Sir Richard’s tomb in order to complete the rubbing of the tablet that will help lead you to the Grail, it’d be understandable*.

*Understandable, yes. But it would also remind me of “Kali ma” from the second worst Indiana Jones movie, The Temple of Doom.

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Noelle Safar
Team: Corlears Hookers
Nickname: Slapshot
Rejected Nicknames: Wrist Shot, Dutch’s Teammate, I Ran, Christmas
Origin: Chestnut Hill, MA
College: Wheelock College
Early Accomplishments: Getting the top bunk, because she’s three minutes older than her twin sister
Current Accomplishments: Being nominated for the 2009 Brendan “Flounder” Hay Award
First Job: Night receptionist at the Newton Four Seasons Kosher Bed & Breakfast, where Borat stayed in the movie of the same name
Current Job: Pre-K teacher in Chelsea
Hero: Jason Eitel
Reason to Love Her: She has the most lethal slapshot in all of BTSH.
Reason to Hate Her: It is illegal for her to use it.
Best Known For: Being mistakenly identified as $howT!m3’s girlfriend
Fast Fact: Noelle has never eaten bacon.
Favorite Things: Boston Celtics, Jeremy’s Ale House, running, the Green Line
Favorite Newton South Alumnus: a tie between B.J. Novak and Eli Roth
Least Favorite Things: Wisdom teeth, Newton North High School, television, paying for Internet access
Hockey Comparison: Steve Larmer
Non-Hockey Comparison: Happy Gilmore
Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Her: She lives in the same apartment complex as your humble correspondents.
Down the Road: Noelle moves to Miami to work with her twin sister at the family hair salon and real estate agency.