Week 8 Previews
Are you wondering whoâs game of the week this week? I hope so, but the thing isâyou already missed it! It was the Mets game this past Monday, which went to the 11th inning and stopped Torontoâs 11-game win streak.
If only Rich could coach the Elves as good as he can the Blue Jays, maybe theyâll win versus the Pounds
LBS v. Happy Little Elves
Now, if you have read anything, talked to anybody in the league, even if youâve shown up just once, or even happened to walk by Tompkins and not even known there was a street hockey league that played every Sunday, you would still know one thingâthe Elves are completely defeated this season. You would actually know two things: 1) the Elves are completely defeated; and, 2) itâs going to stay that way until maybe July 19th when they play some team, which will hopefully get rained out, much to the leagueâs chagrin of keeping this losing streak alive!
That said, and I know the above may be a bit understatedâmy apologiesâbut the Lbs. beat the Demons 4-0 last week, so it appears they will cruise the courts of success this week as well, but not before Tommy C. gets ejected for exposing himself for absolutely no reason in the second half.
Pounds 6 â Elves 1
Poutine v. Hookers
Poutine has had it rough so far this season and has had trouble securing any win. Unfortunately for the French Canadian Fries, another loss may be on its way as they face a team that has more BTSH championship game appearances than Elves losses this season
Will Jerome, Jo-Ann, Claire, and Mia be able to mount a victory against Sarah, Sam, Noelle, and all the people I do not know on the Hookers?! Probably not, but itâll be a hell of an upset if they doâthe upset of the season!
Hooker 6-1
Demons v. Kills
It was Sunday, April 19th and fog surrounded Tompkins. It was dark, too, and oddly mysterious, for rats scurried in the bushes and homeless people drifted here and there like bathroom zombies. Some said it was only 3:00, but no one really knew for sure.
Did people live in this fog? Am I loosely jacking the intro from the movies The Fog or The Mist? I cannot say for sure, but one thing is for sure: while this isnât the Game of the Week, it sure is the Grudge Match of the Week! Â
Who actually was there on April 19th for the Demons? Who was there for the Fresh Kills?  And, who is going to be there this Sunday?! Thatâll answer who will win, so hereâs the breakdown: If Lee and Paul are there for the Demons and Gabe or Pat Moore are not, Iâm going Demons 3-2 OT. If Paul, Kamen, or Rubens is not there and Gabe or that blond hair guy is there, Iâm going Fresh Kills 4-2, empty net goal. If Coach is there and Popack and Scheld are there, hopefully more Demon girls show so they donât have to play the whole game, but if they do and Ariel doesnât show, Demons 3-2. If Rubens shows up 4 ½ minutes late, Iâm thinking Demons will win 2-1, provided Barch isnât in net. If Barch is in net, but Coach doesnât play with his jersey on, Iâm going FK 4-2, no empty net goal. If Barch is in net, but Coach does play with his jersey on, Iâm going FK 4-2 again, but there is an empty net goal at the end. If Sokos spins around twice, then touches his toes every time before he shoots, and Coach isnât wearing his jersey, FK 5-1.
Karate Kids v. WTP
I canât believe the site says Cobra Kai is 3-3 right now. Are they really 4-3 or 3-4 right now?! Jeez, this is a dangerous teamâand theyâre going to be more dangerous in the playoffs. WTP on the other hand is good againâand theyâre on a mega win streak. This would have been the game of the week, if the Mets werenât so good. Actually, tomorrow is the game of the weekâtalk about a pitcher duel! Sorry guys, but you just got demoted to the 3rd most important NYC-based game this week.
Iâm not sure which way this game will go. Both of these teams are defense oriented, but the Mets lack the bats. Will Dickeyâs knuckleball work well in Torontoâs dome? Why on earth would you trade for a knuckleball pitcher when you play in a domeâthereâs no wind or external forces that will make his bread and butter pitch even trickier. At least the Mets made one good trade. Mets 4 â Blue Jays 2.
Karma v. Sky Fighters
Karma has been the team to beat this yearâgranted they played the Elves twice, so itâs a bit of an inflated titleâbut this will be a good game. Sky Fighters on the other hand havenât been showing up. Where were Roman and Hopper last week? I actually know where Roman was, but where was Hopper?! Damnit, I need answers!!!
Meanwhile, Chadwick is on a 3 game scoring streak, but has yet to score one goal, get one assist, hurt his back, and have Rich yell at him at least 10 times in a game to get a Chadtrickâif Rich is reffing or on the sidelines, maybe this Sunday is his day! If Ryann is there, thatâll make defending Karma quite difficult, too. If Geldner is there, Karma 4-2. If sheâs not, Cherie keeps her scoring title and this game is going into OT!
Gut Rot v. Ankle Gougers
Gut Rot is kind of like the Islanders. They are the best team in the league, but just happen to lose more games than win, which make people think they are just okay and therefore âupsetâ the good teams. Those are not upsets, thatâs them playing normal.Â
The Biters are a team that can shoot from the arc, but will they be able to beat Ramirez? Well, after they shoot, they better mark up Sarah Moore because sheâs theyâre go to backdoor rebound slammer! Weâll see what happens: Gut Rot is coming off of an average performance and the Biters are well-conditioned from last weekâs game against Filthier. I donât have a predictionâitâs going to be a good game!
Butchers v. Rehabs
The whole BTSH universe is asking: how will the Rehabs respond to their loss last week? Will they get another winning streak back in action or will they lay dead for a few games?!Â
The Butchers also took an L last week, but to division rivals (and perfectly predicted game, I might add). This game is a big one for the $h0wT!m3 Division, as itâll tie the Rehabs with WTP or push the Rehabs farther down into the homestretch!
Keys for the Butchers to win: Rachel has to stop going on vacation; Jeff has to light the lamp; defense needs to keep them wide and out of the center on their fast breaks; the Butchers have got to stop giving away their players to Math
Keys for the Rehabs: Brush off the loss to FK and keep playing with your fast break speed; mark up Jeff
Rainbows v. Grems
It turns out that the BTSH Universe is talking about a lot of things these days, and one of them is the new powerhouse team of the Kazin Conference, the Gremlins! Just like Instant Karma, they won our hearts because they represent the BTSH Dream. Fun people, clean hockey, and beers after the game. But, last season they got sick of that and, as Ryan told me during the playoffs last year, âweâre going to beat the living shit out of every single team next year; we will literally kill them, then piss on their eyes, then give them to a savage new team to reincarnateâŚâ
HOLY SHIT!!! While just recalling what Ryan talked about, that new team is none other than Instant Karma!
Wow, I am not sure what is actually going on between these two teams and why theyâre so goodâI donât want to knowâbut if I did, damnit, they already made a movie on this⌠why are none of my stream of conscience writing topics original?!?!
Grems water themselves and Karma stays out past midnight
And to think we thought both these teams were so cute and cuddlyâŚ.
The Rainbows on the other hand are coming off a nice shootout victory over the Riots from an Aaron Friedman double deke, allowing the Rainbows to grab their second win. Will they shut down the Grems undefeated streak and start going on one of their own?
Iâm sorry, but not in this prediction: Grems 3 â Rainbows 1
Tompkins Square Riots Play Street Hockey
The Riots will play a team this Sunday. It will be close, as itâs a healthy Kazin Conference, Greene Division rivalry. I think the one team will do well, but their name doesn’t come to me at this time.  Such team has had a tough time scoring, though theyâve got some nice almost-mega-nipple-touching shirts.Â
Meanwhile, the Riots hit the post 3-4 times last week during regulation time in their 2-1 shootout loss. Nobody says hockey is a game of inches, but if they would have last week, the Riots would have won by a wide margin on those post shots. This game will be decided by a goalâwhichever team has a faster and quicker breakouts will take this game!
Math v. Filthier
Well, I hope nobody from Math is reading this, and if you areâplease stop reading here.Â
Now then, Filthier is stacked: theyâve got offense, theyâve got defense, theyâve got a goalie who loves to go downâTim, how many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that in public?!
Math: Cherie and Michelle are MIA, so are both my brothers, I think Langer is backpacking somewhere, and everyone else is going to be tired from being in the sun on Saturday all day at the Mermaid Parade. Filthier, hit me up if youâd like to join us at the Parade; itâll balance the game this Sunday.
Damn, well hopefully this one goes into OT and James (Stewart) puts one in early because that’s all we can rely on at this point!
Keys for Filthier to win: triple team anybody and wait for us to pass it to him/her for an easy interception
Keys for Math to win: [placeholder for key to win]