Gouging Anklebiters (L/W/W/W/W) at What the Puck? (W/W/OT/L/W), Tompkins East, 1300
Two of the league’s decently vulgar sides will engage in a soiree that will erupt in physicality. Yes, the “1, 2, 3, F*ck” chants will be off the charts as the Orange Crush—note: not the Philadelphia Flyers—will be protesting with not their team name, but a smidge more offensive variant.
The Anklebiters weren’t biting Math’s ankles, but their own nails, having just edged Eli and company 4-3 in Week 7. They join the Gremmies with a 4-game win streak, and with Worky second at the team’s helm with 5 goals, things are swell for GM Schuie and his crew.
WTP will face a comfortable schedule the next four weeks, but should they win this week against a team with a very enviable record, they could confidently bulldoze through low- to mid-table teams into the summer. Zac H notching a haul last game possibly marks the watershed for Puck’s offensive onslaught that veteran Corey “Chongo” W would be proud. Additionally, Mike D’s relentlessness to play both sides of the ball may just be a contributing factor to Puck’s +7 goal differential.
Prediction: Because Tim—or as Jo-Ann P would say, “Timmay”—will be rolling on grass in the Emerald Isle for the upcoming matchup (and he promised to pick up a fife for me btw), Craig will have to sit between the pipes. If it’s another goalie, the result potentially ends the Anklebiters’ win streak. Puck leads in goal differential, but it’s chemistry that will take the day. Phil and Caroline will lead the charge, Alex D. and Probert will finish. But Emily M will be steadfast and help the team keep its shape, with Puck devotee Fatou surreptitiously emptying out Anklebiters’ water bottles and replacing them with Everclear. Alas, the Anklebiters will keep the streak alive, just, with a two-goal difference, including an empty-netter in the late stages of the game.
Tompkins Square Riots at Butchers
I’ll admit I haven’t watched enough of the Riots this year to form an opinion of them. But I do know that their forwards and defense don’t seem to be on the same page. Overheard a couple weeks ago was a critique from one of the blueliners that ‘goals are scored by shooting on net.’ I couldn’t agree more and issue a challenge to Suz, Drew, Frost and fellow Riots to pepper Tim B with lots of hot fire.
On the other hand, I have watched quite a bit of the Butchers this year and in the past couple of games they’ve returned to last year’s form. At this point I don’t think there are many in the league that can keep up with Dave. That dude can maintain perfect possession of the ball while operating at top speed.
Prediction: (Big-Bank) Vanek (aka VL) accepts the challenge and also manages to pace Dave. Catching the Butchers in a trap game I see the Riots pulling off an upset, 3-2.
Denim Demons at Poutine Machine
This game has the potential to awaken the sleeping nasty that was the Demons old identity. Zach, JR and the Rosen that plays defense might have learned to play with a smile, but they still don’t take crap from anyone. And they’ll need to bring that mindset to the courts on Sunday. Just make sure Ruebens communicates with his teammates instead of the refs.
Pesky Poutine (who could be considered the new old Demons of the league) have developed a propensity for getting underneath the skin of the opposing team. Their pre-game ritual of ingesting Viagra and Red Bull transform them into an uncontrollable raging force that most prefer to avoid. However, AJ usually prefers to go straight to the Four Loko or whatever it is that turns him into an detestable ogre for an hour (light’n up, bro).
Prediction: league sweetheart, Christina, works her magic to distract Sefi and create turnovers, but Josh blushes for nobody and the Demons squeak by 4-3.
Rehabs at Mega Touch
OK OK…you’re thinking I’m going to post this meme. And I am.
But if we break it down, maybe there’s a chance for Mega? After all, the Rehabs aren’t perfect. When Amber gets pressured in the defensive zone, she often resorts to lofting the ball high in the air. After 3-4 penalties, maybe the ref tells her to sit 2 minutes? Welch is terrified of fences and Alex is very good at fore-checking, passing and shooting, but since the Rehabs never have the ball in their own zone, his back-checking skills are yet to be determined.
Meanwhile, Lops and Yuri will be there for Mega!!! LOPS AND YURI JERRY, LOPS AND YURI!!!!
Prediction: Look at it this way. If the Patriots beat the terrible Redskins 7-0 no one would think the Skins played all that poorly. Seriously Mega, look at it that way. But if you do win the game, then $25 of beers on me.