Gouging Anklebiters at Dark Rainbows

The Anklebiters and Dark Rainbows are kicking off All-Sunday in pure BTSH fashion.  They have an agreement in place that the team that scores must polish off a tall boy between all five players on the asphalt rink before the faceoff.  (Somewhere in Cleveland Sam N is smiling.)  With Greenwald rumored to be in net for the mighty Bows there is a good chance that the collective Biters squad will be hammered midway through the second half.

Prediction: the BTSH gods approve of this debauchery and bless both teams with an absurd amount of puck (ball) luck with the Biters winning 12-9.  Neither team’s representatives finish the All-Star Game.

Denim Demons at Corlears Hookers

By Regina George

Hookers clinched a win over the Rehabs and are probably feeling pretty damn good while the Demons lost in a shoot out to their d4 competition, Mega. Chances are, you’ve openly rooted against both of these teams for a matchup at some point this season. So…who do you root for this time around?  You know those 90’s teen movies where the ugly girl takes off her glasses and lets her hair down from a ponytail and is suddenly hot? That’s what I’m about to do with these 2 teams when I show you their ~softer sides~

It’s a tough call, with both teams having long-standing fun post-game people on both sides (Lee on Hookers, Jenn on Demons) and a decent crop of newbies to mitigate any bad reputations. There’s also plenty of cuteness to go around with Lucy, the Hooker’s new team puppy mascot. But also let’s not forget the cuteness of Sammi and D-ro getting engaged on court a couple games ago. Yeah, it’s looking pretty neck and neck here folks.

Prediction: Love is dead (no offense sammi and d-ro) and so is the Demons’ win streak. Hookers win 4-2.

Cobra Kai at Mega Touch

By William Oliver Yetter

If you thought this game was just going to be a nice friendly match up, YOU ARE AN IDIOT. This game has DRAMA written all over it.

I think it’s safe to assume that Oliver will not be taking it easy on his lover Julie. Especially considering a recent interaction that was overheard between the otherwise very happy couple:

  • Oliver: “Hey Joolieee, can my friends come over and play Rocket League?”
  • Julie: “No.”

It will be really interesting to see who says “no” to whom this Sunday….. DRAMA SCORE: 5.

Nothing to do with MEGA here but it will be interesting when this hits the fan: There is a rumor is that LJ had tried to replace Liam with Hogg before the season. However Liam, with his background in disaster insurance, had a contingency policy in place in anticipation. With a master move he had skillfully manipulated LJ to purchase a set of bonds that would require her to make huge payouts if for some reason he was removed from his position. DRAMA SCORE: 7.

I have it on good authority that Alex on MEGA recently agreed on the sale of one of his highly prized art pieces for $100K to Cobra Kai’s white shoe lawyer Will Green. In typical New York lawyer fashion Will took possession of the work but has failed to pay Alex more than $1,000 or 1% of the agreed upon price. When Alex confronted Will on the courts last week Will is believed to have responded “Possession is 9/10 of the law. What the hell would some art nerd do with $99K?! That money is better off in my hands…” DRAMA SCORE: 4.

TOTAL DRAMA Score: 16.

Prediction: Game Score: 4-1 with Cobra Kai getting the win.

Fuzz at Poutine Machine

By Richiehero

Is writing your own preview sorta like liking your own Facebook status? If so, count me in!

I sorta feel obligated to pick Poutine because they graciously moved this game back an hour so Miles, Hughes, Jeff, Alexa and myself could play the 2nd game of our softball doubleheader. If we were playing softball vs. Poutine they’d stand no chance as we are 6-0. As a matter of fact, consider this a challenge to any team that wants to play us in softball.

As for hockey, Poutine is surprisingly soft when it rains. Last week they again didn’t play, even though every other game in BTSH was played.

On the rink both teams have been disappointments. Poutine is 3-2 and should be doing much better, with the poaches of Sweet Baby James, and Russo. In our secret League of Gentlemen’s Draft, where we drafted teams, they were the #1 pick. Meanwhile Fuzz is trying to be the only team to win both the BTSH Championship, and the Schlitz Cup.

Prediction: We show our appreciation by buying Poutine beer after the game, and after beating them 3-1. If they ever step up to play softball vs. us, it will be 13-1 and called after the 5th inning due to the mercy rule.

Rehabs at Gremlins

The Rehabs might be getting a break this Sunday as the Gremlins’ net minder is nursing an injury from a pre-game warnup (see picture).  Word coming out of the Gremmies’ clubhouse has been very hush-hush on the matter, which has fueled the rumor mill that Captain Mills is mulling over starting Walker.  (Note: last time Walker was in net he posted a shutout for Cobra Kai.)  Regardless of who starts in net the Habs game plan remains the same – Box 1 defense when Erich is out there and feed Michelle the ball.

Not pictured: Jamie’s upper half which was last seen at brunch by Mia.

Prediction: Marcella and Maire go H.A.M. on offense for the Gremlins, but Ryan, Mo and Alex get it done for the Rehabs, 4-3.

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