GOTW: La Famiglia at Corlears Hookers

It is not often that one game stands above the rest on the schedule, but that is the case this week, as the league’s last two undefeated teams face off.  There will be only one Game of the Week this week, but fear not, loyal readers…we are still doing two preview posts.

Eli’s Take

Just a hunch, but this is probably one of those games that the Corlears Hookers actually care about.  They’ll have their varsity squad ready to go, so expect a heaping helping of Eitel, Tiffany, Sarah, Sam, Danilo, Dustin and assorted others…sorry Aaron, we don’t think you are getting the call this week!  La Famiglia has been equally impressive, though, and is up for the challenge.  Maybe now would be a good time for Denis to remember how to score goals.  He’s been held off the board in the past two games, but claims it is because he is setting Shafiq up for some sweet goals. Come on Shafiq…stop hogging all of the glory!  Corlears win in an overtime thriller, 3-2.

Richie’s Take
Want to win the BTSH Championship? Win this game. That sorta sucks for the 18 other teams that cant win this game since we don’t play in it, but that’s how these things work sometimes. The reason this game is so big isn’t because the winner will have an edge if they meet in the playoffs. This game will be long forgotten by then. No, the reason its big is to avoid playing both Fresh Kills and the Tuques/Hookers. As things stand now, it appears the top 3 seeds will be a combination of the Tuques, Hookers and FK. There are other teams in the mix, but these are the top three teams in talent and in the standings. So the winner of this game will have a giant edge in playing a good, but not great team in the semis (Think Lbs./Elves/Demons), hence an easier route to the finals.
Prediction: While Elly puts in his opinions, I search for the facts. Al’s wife just gave birth (congrats!) and Eitel’s wife is expecting…meaning, too many Baby Daddy’s for my liking on the Hookers.  None of the Tuques are Daddy’s since they are all grotesquely ugly (besides Shaq) so they will have nothing better to do than wupp some Hooker ass, and win 4-2.

Derek’s Take
“You wanna get a reputation at your new school…you’ll have to crack open heads, day one.  Find the biggest, baddest cat and whup his ass!”  Eddie Griffin imparted those words of wisdom to D.J. Qualls in 2002’s classic film The New Guy.  Sure, this isn’t day one, and La Famiglia isn’t exactly new, but if this new-ish version of La La Famiglia wants respect, they’re going to have the to beat the defending champion Corlears Hookers.  That’s not to say that The Family’s 6-0 isn’t impressive, but four of those wins have come against lower conference teams, and the other two are against the struggling Sky Fighters and What The Puck.  Time for some real wins, boys.  As for the Hookers, they just have to avoid getting complacent.  They already have all the street cred in the world as defending champs (not to mention their recent win over Fresh Kills), so come into this game with a full roster, and let the rest take care of itself…Hookers win 3-2.

Also featured in The New Guy, but much less applicable:

Other Games

Cobra Kai at Rehabs (By Richie)
Last week was really good for girls changing teams week as Cherie went from Math to the Butchers, Adela went from the Elves to Math and then back to the Elves, and Ryan went from Cobra Kai to the Rehabs. I’m not sure who will win, but I’m damn hoping for some awkwardness! I’ll take the Rehabs 3-2 on a late goal from Ryan. C’mon cruel, cruel Gods of fate!

Eli’s Pick: Saying you aren’t sure who will win and then picking a winner seems contradictory, no?  Rehabs, 2-1.
Derek’s Pick: I’ll take the Rehabs too, but with a few more goals. 4-3 Habs.

Sky Fighters at Filthy Gorgeous (by Eli)
The Sky Fighters more than doubled their scoring output and finally got in the win column on Sunday.  But of more importance, they finally established some breathing room in the heated battle of who can score more goals this year…their entire team, or me.  Filthy Gorgeous…well, yeah, it’s best to just not talk about last Sunday and just forge ahead.  Filthy rebounds with a 4-2 win.
Derek’s Pick: This game could be very instrumental in deciding who finishes last in the $h0wT!m3 Division and ends up demoted to the Kazin Conference.  Filthy regains their cushion with a 5-2 win.
Rich’s Pick: Filthy is definitely one of the most talented groups in BTSH, as their dismantling over a full Lbs. team showed a few weeks ago. But they’ve put a few stinkers in, like last week’s drubbing against FK. I see a rebound game this week as they win 4-1.

Gouging Anklebiters at Happy Little Elves (by Eli)
On the surface, this might look like a stiff challenge for the ‘Biters, but looking a little deeper shows that a lot of things are tilted in their favor.  The Elves just retained possession of the no longer prestigious (but still imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup and are primed for a letdown. Luisa showed up on Sunday, and what are the odds of her making an appearance in back-to-back weeks? And the ‘Biters did not take too kindly to Richie’s attempts to teach Phil and Amy’s kid about football.  An angry ‘Biters squad spikes the ball all over the Elves, 3-1.
Derek’s Pick: Boris putria. Boris patchka. Elves win 4-2.

Rich’s Pick: I can live with the fact that we’ve never beaten the Biters. In 2008 it was Bad Hockey, in 2009 the ref didn’t see my shot go in that would have tied the game, in 2010 thank God we didn’t play them in the playoffs, in 2011 I scored but we lost 6-5 (Trevor and Ryan didn’t show) and I think we lost to them in 2012 or 2013 too. And I can live with all that. What I can’t live with is that Phil actually knows we haven’t beaten them. He doesn’t even know how his team did an hour after his game! That’s why I went after the baby with Becky’s football. Was it wrong? Yes. Is going after someone’s baby a suspendable act? Yes. But since I know the guy who deals out the suspensions pretty well, I think I’ll get away with it. Elves 3-2.

Dark Rainbows at Gut Rot (By Richie)
Tip o’ the hat to the Rainbows. They had nobody show, and refused to take Sam from the Hookers last week. By the time their troops arrived they were losing 5-1 to the Elves. That #12 guy is really good. Not Bernstein level good, but good nonetheless. Do me a favor Bernstein, and ask if he will switch to the Elves? Thanks. As for Gutty…they gutted out a win over Cobra Kai in a shootout. I don’t know what to think of them, but I do know Diane Johnston will be there so that means they will have a girl who is one of the 20 best in the league in attendance. I’ll go with the Rainbows 4-3.

Eli’s Pick: Gut Rot’s two wins have both come in shootouts.  This time they only need regulation to get the win, 4-1.
Derek’s Pick: Gut Rot has won two straight games via shootout, so let’s make it three: 3-2 win for the Gutties.