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Week 8 Preview

Can The Elves Upset What The Puck Once Again?

GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck (5-0) at Happy Little Elves (4-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: High-octane offenses will collide, as the top two scoring teams in BTSH face off in a Weyersberg Conference showdown this Sunday.  What The Puck has lit the lamp an impressive 28 times this season, good for second most in the league.  However, with one fewer game played than a majority of the league, Larry’s Orange Juggernaut ranks first in per game scoring.  Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. and Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer lead a balanced attack with six and five goals, respectively.  The Happy Little Elves lead all of BTSH with an astounding 31 tallies through six games.  Rookie Trevor Beauclair has quickly made his presence known with his team-leading eight goals, which also ranks him second in the league.  Even more stunning are the six goals from Elves captain “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick.  With both teams averaging more than five goals per game, expect a lot of offense in this brightly colored battle.
Keys To The Game:
1. As a by-product of their prolific scoring, What The Puck and the Elves are also ranked one and two in goal differential.  However, WTP’s defense and goaltending have been stingier, as it has allowed the second fewest goals in the league, even on a per game basis.
2. The Happy Little Elves stunned the league in Week 22 of the 2009 season with a 7-1 thrashing of What The Puck at Moffo.  This outcome prevented What The Puck from clinching the coveted Prince of Weyersberg Trophy.  The win, however, did not help the Elves to gain possession of the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.
3. Unhappy with recent acquisition Jeremy Roenick crying on national television, What The Puck captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has exercised his option to rescind last week’s trade that saw Corey “Chongo” Winters go to the Winnipeg Jets.  Winters will take over Roenick’s place on the third line with grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald and Lisa Harrington.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  They’ve scored at least five goals in each game, and I don’t see the Elves getting six or more here.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  The normally carefree What The Puck players will have revenge on their minds.
Watchability: 4 Beauclairs.  Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz’s wild antics and unorthodox goaltending style are worth a Beauclair on their own.

Fresh Kills (4-1-0-1) at Cobra Kai (3-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 6-0-1
Game Notes: Fresh Kills suffered its first regulation loss of the season last Sunday, giving up five goals to Filthy Gorgeous, after allowing just two goals all season.  Meanwhile, Cobra Kai weathered two second-half comebacks by the Mathematics in an overtime win that ended a three-game losing streak.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills
Watchability: 3.5 Beauclairs.  With the Dojo now headed in the right direction, this Donohue Division game could be worth watching.

Butchers (1-4-0-1) at Rehabs (3-2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Rehab forward Adam Skuse has been listed as questionable for this game with a hangover.  Although this seems like an odd “injury” to report this early in the week, it also seems probable as his birthday extravaganza will take place the night before.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  Adam’s birthday is actually Monday, so here’s a pre-emptive Happy Birthday!
Watchability: 3 Beauclairs

Gut Rot (1-4-0-1) at Tompkins Square Riots (3-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: After a strong start to the season, the Tompkins Square Riots have stumbled recently with back to back losses to La Famiglia and What The Puck.  Gut Rot has lost its last four games, however, so this MacNeil Division contest could be a good chance for the Riots to return to their winning ways.
Eli’s Pick: Tompkins Square Riots.  Is this the week they finally unveil their long-anticipated jerseys?
Derek’s Pick: Tompkins Square Riots
Watchability: 2.5 Beauclairs

Mega Touch (2-4) at Mathematics (0-4-0-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 5-2-1
Game Notes: The Mathematics’ offense finally woke up from its doldrums last Sunday with three goals in the second half of an overtime loss to Cobra Kai.  However, through six games, the team still has yet to score a first half goal or hold a lead.  Mega Touch is coming off of consecutive 1-0 losses and has scored just three goals in its last five games.
Watchability: 2.5 Beauclairs. We’re not sure we’d watch this if we weren’t in it.

Corlears Hookers (4-1) at Dark Rainbows (2-2-0-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 4-1
Game Notes: Although the Hookers may have a commanding lead in this all-time series, the Rainbows still possess the most important win in its brief history: the 2007 championship game.  With little turnover on either roster since then, the animosity and intensity promises to still be lingering between these two squads.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  The Rainbows may have the same roster, but the current Rainbows are not playing like their 2007 counterparts.
Watchability: 4 Beauclairs

Poutine Machine (3-3) at Unicorns (3-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Marcus Bonnee of Poutine Machine is really looking forward to the opening of The Karate Kid remake this weekend. Iannis of the Unicorns is really looking forward to the opening of The A-Team.
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns. Originals are usually better than remakes.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns. I can’t pick anyone who wants to see the new Karate Kid movie.
Watchability: 3 Beauclairs

Denim Demons (5-1) at Filthy Gorgeous (4-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 3-2-1
Game Notes: Both of these Rubens Division squads enter this game on winning streaks, as the Demons have won three games in a row, while Filthy Gorgeous has won its last two games.  In their first meeting this season, the Demons were victorious 5-1 on the strength of a Mike Pereira hat trick.
Eli’s Pick: Denim Demons.  With Danny Polinsky still providing his teammates with Jelly Belly Sports Beans, the Demons will be amped up.
Derek’s Pick: No pick.  Derek will be reffing this game.
Watchability: 4.5 Beauclairs

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Sky Fighters (4-2) at LBS, Inc. (2-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 8-4
Game Notes:
If this game were a battle between two cars, here’s what it would look like. The Sky Fighters, looking frisky after four straight wins (shaking off an 0-2 start) are a 2008 Mustang police patrol car. Definitely not the stock cruiser on the showroom floor that Jersey Shore meatheads think is badass; this is the cop model with the beefed up suspension, blacked out windows, and a pump-action shotgun under the seat. You may catch it napping once in a while, but do not try to outrun it on the highway. You’ll find yourself on the next episode of Cops.

LBS, Inc., meanwhile, continue to look ragged. They are a 1989 Chevy Caprice Classic up on blocks in your uncle Tony’s backyard on Long Island. It’s dark blue, with a gray replacement panel by the front fender. A tattered gray tarp covers the engine block, and there is $200,000 in cash in the trunk. Stay away.
Vegas Line: Sky Fighters by 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: Give the points. The defending champs are in The Zone.
Watchability: 3 bro-hugs

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
La Famiglia (2-4) at Gouging Anklebiters (4-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 11-3
Game Notes: Wait, the Anklebiters are tied for the fourth best record in the league? (cue squeaky sound of eyes being rubbed) Perhaps it is a new day at the Anklebiter Lodge, where captain Phil Donohue reportedly gives out cans of Vienna sausages for scoring goals, and an infectious confidence has taken over. The measly +1 goal differential could be a sign of trouble, however. La Famiglia, while possessed of some talent, seem to lack the teamwork required to win consistently, and consistently got outworked on the court last week. If the Anklebiters are for real, this is a game they have to win.
Vegas Line: Anklebiters by 1
Jesse the Greek says: Anklebiters, but Famiglia keeps it close.
Watchability: 4 bro-hugs

Survivor Pool

Adriano Bratta (WTP) – Tompkins Square Riots
Ben Chadwick (HLE) – Tompkins Square Riots
Jesse Kalb (But) – Gouging Anklebiters

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