Welcome Back, James!

Three Stars of the Week

Third Star: Greg Infanti, Sky Fighters. With regular captain Dan Hopper in California monitoring the Sky Fighters’ non-European farm team, Infanti was informed five minutes before game time that he would be the team’s captain for the day. With little time to prepare, Infanti rose to the challenge and crafted the perfect game plan: score more goals than the other team. He also contributed one goal of his own.
Second Star: Shafiq “Off Black” Perry, La Famiglia. Perry recorded his second multi-goal game in a row with a hat trick against the Mathematics. He is now tied for the league scoring lead with linemate Denis Miciletto and the Butchers’ Ben Bloom.
First Star: “Gentleman” James Pereira, Filthy Gorgeous. Returning from an injury much earlier than anyone anticipated, Pereira once again donned the beige V-neck and led Filthy to a much needed victory against the Rehabs. His two goals were instrumental in Filthy’s comeback from a 2-0 deficit.

Shaun deLacy GAA Watch

This year, due to a series of stupid bets made by Happy Little Elves goalie Shaun deLacy, the media will track his goals against average over the course of the regular season.

Goals Allowed This Week: 1 (vs. LBS, Inc.)
Goals Allowed Previously: 14
Goals Allowed This Season: 15
Games Played: 6
Goals Against Average: 2.50
Next Opponent: Unicorns (2.00 goals per game)

After recording a shutout in his previous game, Shaun followed it up with another stellar performance against LBS, Inc.  With just one goal allowed to the Corporation, Shaun’s GAA dropped to a respectable 2.50.  In his next game, he and the Elves face the Unicorns in the opening contest of the Fairy Tale Cup.  Although the Uni’s offense has been just average this season, forward Joe Polowczuk has already scored three goals against Elves goalies this season.

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Jo-Ann Provencher
Team: Poutine Machine
Suggested Nickname: Lab Coat
Rejected Nicknames: The Quebecer, Nordique, Single J, Scrappy Too
Origin: Quebec City, Quebec, Canada
College: Maine Maritime Academy
Quote: “Chantez à l’âne, il vous fera des pets.”
First Job: Operating a sandwich stand known as Peanut Butter & J’s with elementary school classmate Patrice Bergeron
Current Job: Physicist at Mount Sinai Medical Center
Early Accomplishments: Being named to the Northern Athletics Conference All Academic Team twice for basketball
Current Accomplishments: Having the distinct honor of playing alongside Alex Doucette and Justin “The Boss” Ross on the media’s 2010 All Rookie team
Hero: Tomas Plekanec
Reason to Love Her: As near as we can tell, she does NOT look down on Americans.
Reason to Hate Her: That hyphenated first name is awfully suspect.
Best Known For: Bringing the flag of Quebec to select Poutine Machine games
Fast Fact: Jo-Ann still uses former teammate “Double J” Jeff Jewett’s NHL Gamecenter Live password to watch the Habs on the internet.
Bonus Fast Fact: Avoid discussing religious topics in Quebec French, as most of the strongest profanities are based on religious, particularly Catholic, iconology, rather than bodily functions, as is true for English.
Favorite Things: Les Canadiens de Montréal, poutine, darts, her two cats
Favorite Language: Portuguese
Least Favorite Things: Boston Bruins, imprecision, unfortified cities, mornings
Hockey Comparison: Steve Bernier
Non-Hockey Comparison: Rick “The Model” Martel
Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Her: Her noticeable French Canadian accent
Down the Road: While playing a game of darts, Scott Lee of Fresh Kills attempts to engage Jo-Ann in a French conversation about his religious iconology class at NYU.  Although Jo-Ann immediately becomes offended when Lee accidentally curses at her, she later forgives him when he hits a bullseye, and the duo defeats the team of Nick Hobbs and Rich Glanzer.