With These Two In Charge, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Due to consistent underappreciation and limited access to the league power structure, the goalies of BTSH are in the initial stages of forming a union.  As labor conditions continue to deteriorate and goalies have become just an afterthough in league policymaking, this union will finally give the netminders a united front to protect their interests.  Cobra Kai’s Peter Lang, who is the founder of the movement, notes, “Goalies get no respect in this league.  We’re the ones wearing pounds of equipment in the 90 degree heat, and no one cares.”  The Mathematics’ Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez, who is Lang’s second in command, adds, “This collaboration is necessary as our plight continues to be exacerbated under the tyrannical rule of the BTSH despots.”

Already, the two have begun to recruit several of the league’s most prominent goalies in hopes of strengthening their organization.  They first reached out to Eric Ramirez of the Butchers, who was hesitant to commit, as he still had several unanswered questions as to the exact role of the union.  Stumped, but undeterred, Lang and Melendez approached people with less experience in the league (and presumably, fewer questions), namely rookies Shaun Delacy (HLE) and Patrick Barch (FK).  Both jumped at the opportunity, as they are young and impressionable, and they are easily swayed by peer pressure.  Seth Wachtell of LBS, Inc. was also offered a spot, but reluctantly declined as the Corporation has a strict anti-union policy dating back to when Wachtell tried to unionize the LBS, Inc. mailroom.  As of now, Rob “Mungo” Gorden of Poutine Machine has not been asked to join.

Behold, The Feet!

Caution, you are about to enter the “No Spectating Zone”

Know Your Neighbour

Name: Caroline Currie
Team: Filthy Gorgeous
Suggested Nickname: Spicy
Rejected Nicknames: La Femme Blonde, Canadian Strongwoman, Pickles, C.C.
Origin: Montréal, QC
College: Georgetown University
Early Aspirations: To help Quebec achieve sovereignty from Canada
Current Aspirations: To play a game while wearing Filthy Gorgeous’ electric lime green throwback jersey (hopefully alongside the legendary Paul “Ashy Larry” Vernon)
First Job: Waitress at La Cage aux Sports in Laval
Current Job: Account Supervisour at Deutsch
Hero: Tim Raines
Reason to Love Her: Caroline stills vehemently claims that the television show Caroline in the City was loosely based on her own life.
Reason to Hate Her: She, as well as the rest of her team, uses foul language prior to every game.
Best Known For: Switching allegiances from Fresh Kills to Filthy Gorgeous
Fast Fact: She used to work at Ogilvy with former Fresh Kills teammate Scott Townsend (who is also from Montréal).
Favourite Things: Montréal Canadiens, Bradley Cooper (and the new A-Team movie), brie, broomball
Favourite BTSH Moment: Winning the 2008 BTSH championship with Fresh Kills and “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser
Least Favourite Things: The BTSH crease rule, baby blue, Boston Bruins, leg bruises 
Hockey Comparison: Ian Laperriere
Non-Hockey Comparison: Maryse Ouellet
Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Her: Her less than photogenic moments
Down the Road: Caroline attempts to rename her new team Filthy Gourgeous to give it “a more authentically Canadian feel.”  However, her idea is met with staunch resistance from her temmates, except for fellow Quebeçois Jean Hebert, who loves the idea and has been proposing it for several seasons himself.