GAME OF THE WEEK

Gut Rot (1-4-1-0) at MegaTouch (1-5-0-0)

Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM

Game Notes: After another extended break, BTSH is back in action and we’ve got a somewhat unusual pick for Game of the Week. Some may question the wisdom of choosing two teams with two wins between them as the spotlight matchup but those who do need to learn their BTSH history.

The Touch and the Rot (aka Standoff) are two of the oldest franchises in the league and whenever the two meet, it harkens back to the golden age of the league. If old timers squint a little they may see the ghost of Molly Jacobs throwing up on the sidelines or a young Alec Eben Meyer introducing striped socks to the league. The combination of laid back play, mild intoxication, and Peaches hitting on the opposing team’s female players (usually during the game) are not something we see often these days. More’s the pity.

Of course, both teams have upped their talent level this year and it may be that even these famously mellow franchises will now embrace the new BTSH standard of “win or die”. If it’s up to Eric Devlin and Matt Workman to set the tone for this game, expect a bloodbath.

Personally, we’re hoping for a kinder, gentler matchup. The kind of game that Adriano “Lame Duck” Bratta is always encouraging the Captains to embrace. At least until he gets shut down and starts cursing at the refs in Italian.

Say it with us, AB. “Via tranquile.”

Watchability: 4 very chill mimosas

Dark Rainbows at Butchers

By ORG Special Correspondent Monica Russo

Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM

Game Keys: This week, the Butchers face the Rainbows in what can only be described as…

OK let’s be real, here. I have no true insight to this game. But here’s what I do know: the Butchers won by a whole lot the last time we played, and the Rainbow-Demons didn’t even eke out a point.

So, while I love writing about the Butchers, I’m going to put this one all on DR. Specifically, Abby Meisterman. Abby, I’m putting this entire game on you. So win it for the DR (not the Dominican Republic, though I’m sure they’d appreciate it, too). Make your team…. THE MOST INTERESTING TEAM IN THE WORLD.

Cobra Kai at Poutine Machine

By Poutine Machine Beat Reporter Rich Glanzer

Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM

Game Keys: Jo-Ann asked me to “keep on bettin on us to lose bekause we alywaease win and its not juts bekuse of Timmay.”

Sorry Ms. Provencher, I don’t take requests, I call them as I sees them, and I sees you guys putting a whoopin’ on the Dojo this week. Timmay aint afraid of Daniel LaRussa, Hilary Swank or that little black kid who co-starred with Swank. 5-0 for Sven’s army.

Editor’s Note: We’re taking Glanzer off of the Poutine Beat (at least, temporarily). When Richie only writes four sentences and picks us to win, you know his heart’s not in it anymore.

Happy Little Elves at Rehabs

Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM

Game Keys:  While for many, this may seem like just another league matchup, for Rich Glanzer, this is the biggest game of the year. All those skeeball losses, all those mocking comments from Kehoe and Danberg-Ficharelli, his unrequited bromance with Bryan Welch (sorry, Rich, you know he only has eyes for Feldman). This is his chance for payback and he’ll do his best to carry the entire Elves team to victory over the Men (and women) in black.

Unfortunately, no one else feels this way. In fact, Trevor Beauclair and Ryan Nakahara spent most of the break asking Jenna why the Rehabs suck and looking for some way to get motivated about a non-fairytale cup game. Meanwhile, Rehabs goalie Hilary Meyer has been studying Jonathan Quick and drawing inspiration from her fellow goalie in black. If the Kings win it on Saturday night, expect her to come out on fire and steal the game from a sleeping Elves side.

Sorry, Richie. Looks like there’s going to be some new content on sadrichie.com come Monday.

Mathematics at Gremlins

Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: 

After some early success this season, the Gremlins have run in to typical first season growing pains. They’re still a very competitive squad but they’re not catching people by surprise in the same way they have in previous weeks. And coming off a somewhat arbitrary rivalry week (since no team was willing to change their name to “the Blenders” ), motivation is going to be an issue for everyone except Luke “Mr. Excitement”. Wily veterans Mark McAdam and Caitlin Ervin will have to pull a few tricks out of their hat to keep their team focused against the gritty Mathletes.

While Derek Tagliarino swears he’s not just biding time until Donovan Pratt is ready for league play he has to bring more discipline to his side. We’re not just talking about Laura McNeil’s current reign of terror, opposing players are used to her intense play and hearing disturbing queries like “what is the purpose of your life?” and “If God exists, why are the Coyotes still in Phoenix?” But two weeks ago, team sparkplug Eli Kazin could barely get out of first gear after an all-night session writing the longest game preview in BTSH history. We know it’s not as easy to do bed checks as it used to be but get your player(s) under control Coach.

Oh yeah, Math will probably win this one.

Filthy Gorgeous at Tompkins Square Riots

Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: The hottest team in the league takes on a gifted offensive side. Should be a goalfest, right?

No way, folks. With the addition of Kamdyn “Stonewall” Moore to the backend, Filthy have morphed in to something they’ve never been in their five-year history – an elite defensive squad. Yes, Jean “the Quiet Canadian” Hebert has been one of the league’s top defensemen for years but the former Rehab and the return of Becky “I didn’t mean to steal that towel” Novick have pushed the Filthy D to a whole new level. Meanwhile, Amy Jones’ squad is looking to right the ship. Veteran D-man Scott Townsend will need to refocus the side and lead by example if they want to avoid a blowout.

Personally, we think the Riots’ best chance is relying on confusion on the part of James “Shots” Periera. The gentleman goal scorer isn’t used to playing with a winning record this early in the season and he may tank the game, just to get back in his comfort zone. You might want to have someone suggest that to him, Riots.

Lbs. Inc. at What the Puck

Location: Tompkins East 4:30 PM

Game Keys: Relief is in store for Larry “Still in shock over the no-hitter” Zimmerman as the Devils season will soon be over and team goalie Anthony Romeo will be only be obsessed with wedding planning and Lindsey Lohan. Even an unfocused Romeo has helped WTP put up one of the best records in the league but if Brodeur and co. end their season on Saturday night expect Romes to still be dealing with it on Sunday afternoon.

That’s good news for the Lbs. who have a long-standing rivalry with the Orange juggernaut. In fact, rumor has it that Carsten and Ken were going to go out and buy Kings jerseys for everyone on their team. Their efforts to boost LBs. psychological edge was thwarted when other players realized that LA’s colors were black and silver not black and platinum. Lbs. have their standards and hopefully that combination of snobbery and a sense of entitlement (combined with the distraction of a Yankees-Mets series) will help win the day for them.

Denim Demons at Gouging Anklebiters

Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM

Game Keys: After significantly upgrading their talent level, the GABs had been struggling to find some Ws the last few weeks. A rivalry week victory over the Lbs. was just what they needed to get headed in the right direction again. So much so that goalie Craig Lacombe was seen drunkenly wandering the streets of Williamsburg proclaiming, “it’s the Year of the Dog and the Dog is me!” Of course, that may have nothing to do with hockey. We try not to learn too much about Craig’s personal life.

The Demons, on the other hand, lost a heartbreaker to WTP last time out. But Captain Adam Reubens took heart in the fact that his side is starting to resemble Demons squad of old. Their tenacious, aggressive style and the return to form of Zack “the original BTSH Zack” Tinkelman are both good signs that Hell’s hockey players are back.

Expect this one to turn on a late goal or a shootout win by one of these two talented sides.

Fresh Kills at Corlears Hookers

By Fresh Kills Beat Reporter Eli Kazin

Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM

Game Keys:  Fresh Kills enters this critical Bratta Division matchup on a winning note, as the defending champions dispatched their friendly rival, the Tompkins Square Riots, back on May 20 to end a two-game winless streak. The 4-2 win was highlighted by a surprise guest appearance from semi-retired forward Scott Lee, who actually finished for once and chipped in a goal. The Corlears Hookers come into this Sunday’s game in a tie with Filthy Gorgeous for the division lead, and have lost just once this season. However, that negative mark on their ledger occurred in their most recent game by a 4-2 score on Rivalry Day to their divisional co-leader. Fresh Kills and the Hookers have already met once this season, in Week 5, when the Corlears Hookers were victorious in a shootout. The star of that game for Fresh Kills was forward Nick Hobbs, who tallied both of his team’s goals.

La Famiglia at Skyfighters

By La Famiglia Beat Reporter Bill Tucker

Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM

Game Keys:  Two teams bound by similar records, stats and criminal charges, the Sky Fighters meet La Famiglia in this tense Week 8 divisional matchup.  When looking at this battle from a statistical point of view, it’s easy to see these are two very even teams.  With only one point separating the third place Fighters from the fourth place Family, this game means more than the usual bragging rights.  To prepare for the contest, offensive threat Martin Cejka has entrenched himself into a strict dietary regiment consisting only of goat cheese, egg whites and Thomas’ Toast-R-Cakes.  Admit it…you now crave the cake.  To combat this unorthodox training method, La Famiglia’s resident face Alfred Liu has forced his squad to watch multiple viewings of the film MVP.  His rationale?  If a damn, dirty ape can make a junior ice hockey team look silly, the combined talents of La Famiglia should make the Ozone Combatants look like they’re running on banana peels.  Expect a tightly played game.  All bets are off if the monkey shows up.