Week 8 – Game Previews – Part 1
Editor’s Note: We’re back and celebrating the upcoming Father’s Day holiday a little early with a tribute to the Dads in the league. Of course we hadn’t even started writing before controversy set in. Unnamed parties wanted to know why we didn’t do a similar tribute to the Moms (we salute them by actually spending time with them on Mother’s Day instead of playing hockey. But it’s a fair point and there will be a Mom tribute later in the season. Then of course there was this …
Rehabs at Butchers,
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Eli “I think I’m so funny” Kazin
Editor’s Note: You know, Eli – anti-Canadianism seems to be the last acceptable prejudice in New York City. But I wouldn’t have expected our own BTSH to be such a simmering cauldron of hatred. Yes, Canadians have the same Father’s Day as the USA. We also have cable television, running water and electricity. You know what we don’t have? An explanation for Celine Dion. But that’s our cross to bear, you arrogant prick.
We did the Father’s Day write-ups a week early so our staff and readers could spend Father’s Day week the way it was meant to be spent. Shopping for neckties and soap on a rope, talking to your Father for 5 uncomfortable minutes before he hands the phone to your Mom, and watching the Stanley Cup finals. Now go get your Dad that jumbo-sized bottle of Hai Karate, Eli. You ungrateful bastard!
What the Puck at Cobra Kai,
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
You know it’s tough to pick a team “Dad” when almost everyone on the team is a Dad. Woodsy, Zimms, those other guys. There’s no shortage of paternal pride on WTP. But really it goes back to the old saying, “Anyone can be a Father. It takes a real man to be a Dad”. Who does that old expression describe more than anyone else. Our old pal, Corey Winters. Not only has he regularly taken on babysitting responsibilities for the WTP farm team, he’s also always there to dispense fatherly wisdom to his teammates. Let’s face it, he’s the only thing that’s kept Gina Hackett out of jail the last couple of years. And he’s always there to post bail for Adam Skuse. Plus he looks like a natural in the new WTP team cardigans. Here’s to you, Papa Corey!
Meanwhile, Cobra Kai has been suffering form the pain of an absentee father. Was it something we did, Gregg Allman? Luckily there’s no shortage of team “uncles” to fill in for Greg while he finds himself. There’s “Drunk Uncle” Pete Lang who is kinda fun and kinda scary at the same time. “Jon Cryer in TWO AND A HALF MEN” Uncle Morgan Donninger who provides a much needed sense of stability. And “Danish Van Houten Uncle” Will Kuhns who is the player all the little Cobra Kais want to grow up to be. Kudos to this trio for keeping the family together until Gregg’s inevitable tear-stained reunion with the rest of the team (probably on a very special Maury).
As for the game, Real Dads beat Uncles, 3-1.
Mathematics at Tompkins Square Riots,
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
Sometimes, a Dad has to let his kids make their own mistakes. Give them enough room to grow and try new things but also be there to catch them when they fall. And to make sure they always feel special even when new family members come on the scene. Such is the role of Math team dad Andy Pratt. After deciding to settle down with fellow mather, Sarah Coombs, the young stud realized that he needed to handle things differently. That’s why he encouraged a young Derek Tagliarino to take his first halting steps as Captain. That’s why he never criticized the company that his boys kept (although he wished that Glanzer kid wasn’t around so much). And that’s why he’s made sure to pass the puck to Eli so many times this season (with all those Norris’ joining the family it would be easy for “Buster” to feel left out). That’s the kind of Dad, Andy is. A quiet, strong force that keeps his team on track and out of trouble. Even if it means he scores less goals than he used to.
TSR has a slightly different take on the father-figure. With “Moms” like Amy Jones, BR Rolya and Laura MacNeil (i.e. tough but fair, take no crap ladies that you wouldn’t want to cross), the TSR kids need a laid back, Jimmy Buffett type of Dad who doesn’t take things too seriously. We’re looking at you Craig Thompson. If Craig wasn’t playing with TSR every Sunday, he’d be sitting on a dock somewhere drinking vodka and apple juice and telling the kids not to swim out too far. Who could ask for anything more?
Game prediction: Andy’s going to treasure his last few weeks with the math before they part company. Expect love to triumph over laissez-faire and the Math to take this one 5-2.
Fresh Kills vs. the Tuques
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Rich”Tough Love” Glanzer
Corlears Hookers at Gut Rot,
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Monica “Old Softie” Russo
Patrick gave us a theme this week, which is a kind bone to throw at those of us who can’t ever think of anything to write.