By BTSH Media Writers
Denim Demons at Sky Fighters
The Sky Fighters will be in a festive mood Sunday as they arrive to the courts from Olivier’s birthday brunch party. Powered by carbs, protein and mimosas, the Fighters will be too numb and lethargic to notice the beating they’ll be taking. Just kidding – mimosas don’t dull one’s senses they only enhance them. Yeah, they’re going to feel this…
But don’t ask the Teytelbaum brothers to smile or partake in the festivities. They don’t’ celebrate the birthdays – they create the birthdays. Boom.
You can’t even finish saying the word Party without Jenn and Tracy’s ears perking up. They’ve transformed the Demon’s culture over the past two seasons from dirty-chirpers to the new league fun-bunch. Even the Rosen that plays defense (not saying the other doesn’t back-check) has bought into the new system.
Prediction: Both teams discover their scoring touch and Mia gets on the scoreboard late to send this one to overtime with Caroline scoring the OT winner. 6-5 Sky Fighters.
Fuzz at LBS, Inc.
Watching Rich enjoy his birthday party (starting at 3 pm at ACE bar (shameless plug), even though Rich wont’ be attending until after 5:30 pm) is like watching Michael Scott on Free Soft Pretzel day at the Office. He has little patience for lines, wants all the toppings, rocks out to his favorite high school song (Jive Talkin’ by the Bee Gees) and soon after needs to be put down for a nap. With Eric R unable to ensure Rich gets home safe it will be up to Alexa and Ryann to roll him onto the LIRR.
If you’ve seen that movie before, then head on over to Manitoba’s to celebrate Ali’s birthday with LBS instead. Luke will be accepting all challengers at a game of air hockey, Scott will be performing his latest solo act on stage and Klion and Roberts will be car-bombing all evening.
Prediction: Jeff doesn’t yell at Rich (too much) and the Fuzz find a way to help him avoid -2 with Hicks scoring on Richiepoothang’s last shift. Fuzz get back on track, 5-2.
Gouging Anklebiters (OTL/L/W/W/W) at Mathematics (W/W/L/W/L), Tompkins West, 1630
Nearly 20 years of combined service in goaltending and still, Craig and Tim prove to hold their own (especially Craig with his liquor). They’re getting help from overall league-leading scorer Probert, whose drive to light goalies up isn’t declining at the moment. Both factors have given Honorary GM Schuie’s squad a beautiful upswing.
Likewise, Math has been holding its own, too; it’s even above the Anklebiters in the standings. With Rebecca spending her first full season after being overseas, Math hopes that her presence restores in full the Norri swagger and gameplay that we once saw before the team “got screwed” back in 2014. If Eli’s 112 physicality rating holds true, we’ll continue to see them sitting atop the division. Also, I’m hoping for them to wear the orange Mets tribute swatch, because I personally like it.
Prediction: Strong goaltending from both sides means that this will be a low-scoring thriller. Math has the 5 th –lowest GA, so it will take more than just a “Probing”! If none the Anklebiters can put more than one past Liang, I expect that Langer or Justin P., along with one from the Norris clan, can give Math the formula for two points.
Poutine Machine at Tompkins Square Riots
It’s the game Walker can’t stop jerking off over. A 4th division team beat a first division team. Of course I’m referring to when Poutine stunned the BTSH world and beat the Lbs. Well I wasn’t stunned by any game last week because unlike JW, I realize Gut Rot was .500 in 2015, had no goalie in 2016, and now that they have a goalie, are good again. As for Poutine, it’s a travesty they are in the lowest division. They are too good and I can’t wait to join them in 2022 and win another championship with Jerome.
But let’s focus on this Sunday. Hey did you hear, it’s (Brian Sullivan Alert) Brian Sullivan’s birthday week! Make sure you go to Ace and not Double Wide or Hi-Fi for a week. For Poutine, Natalie O’ is helping *piggyback* the offense along with Teddy, who scored a huge goal from the blue line vs. the Lbs. Scotty has only given up 14 goals in 6 games, and has been a key figure in why Poutine is in first place in the former Greene Division.
As for the Riots, Dave will give up 7 goals and play terribly. Jennifer is the best girl in the league that nobody knows. (I think its Jennifer, though maybe it’s someone else? Anyway they have one girl who is just as good as many of the top girls who everyone knows. I mean not Cherie/Sena/Sara level, but up there) Scott, Jaclyn, Spencer, some dude or dudette named BR makes Dave’s life easier, yet he still gives up 8 goals a game on average.
Prediction: Now I get that Dave really doesn’t give up that many goals, but I like when he gets pissed off on Facebook so I’m going to go with 9-1 Poutine. Nice goal BR! If I wasn’t trying to piss off Dave I’d say 3-2 Poutine and Dave plays well as usual. But 9-1 is ….nah 10-1 is more fun. Charlotte gets a secondary assist on one of BSA’s 4 birthday goals.
Other Prediction: I beat Boylan, Julie (as always), Suz and one of the Herr sisters…probably Cheeky in Skee*T*Ball. Boylan suffers unimaginably consequences for losing. Julie retires never to play again. Sena beats me but the game isn’t sanctioned so it doesn’t count. Come to ACE!!!!!!
Hockey Night in Tompkins (National Telecast)
Mega Touch (L/L/L/L/L) at Cobra Kai (L/W/W/W/L), Tompkins West, 1730
It seems we’ve reached the end of the world as we know it: the Cubs winning the World Series last year, the Red Wings failing to make this year’s Stanley Cup playoffs, the Patriots winning consecutive Super Bowls, and in the NYC street hockey circuit, Gut Rot having a winning record (not that the last one is a bad thing).
But Mega Touch being winless thus far is something that leaves us BTSH media people aghast because it’s quite uncharacteristic. The mindset should be that this matchup with Cobra Kai is winnable if the leadership of Julie, Alex, and Alok rightly steers the crew to strike opportunistically. Plus, if Alex’s socks are bright enough, the path to victory may already be paved.
The Dojo has had a season under the radar, and maybe that’s the way they like it. Without warning they’ll sweep the leg and “strike first, strike hard, [and] show no mercy”. Perhaps last week’s loss against the Anklebiters can be written off, but conceding the game this week to Mega Touch’s poor form would be a disappointment. That’s why scoring first and early while demonstrating high levels of tenacity may ruin the opposition’s momentum.
Expect Will, Liam, Rachel, and Lauren to provide a high tempo at the outset, with Campbell Weaver holding strong between the pipes for The Dojo. Alex and Julie have been the primary scorers for Mega Touch, but finding secondary scoring is imperative for success, meaning players like 2015 BTSH All-Star (and very recently, FB comment all-star) Brady are needed for that extra push, which the jort-wearing bunch is looking for.
Prediction: At the end of the day, Cobra Kai might take the game after regulation. Whatever the result, we hope that both teams bring enough girls for Glanzer’s “birthday party”.