By BTSH Media Writers
Butchers (L/W/L/L/W) at Rehabs (W/L/W/W/W), Tompkins East, 1300
Don’t let the last five games for the Butchers fool you. Two of their three losses came from teams in the better conference (go ahead and roll your eyes), and no loss was a blowout. The Rehabs, conversely, have been cruising through six weeks without a serious hiccup, with their only loss to Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg’s old team, Fresh Kills, who still haven’t faced a regulation loss. Just goes to show how strong the top teams really fare out this season.
With the top female scorer (Cherie “Go Ducks!” Stewart) as well as the #4 top male scorer to date (Joey “Fodas-se Benfica” Batista), the Rehabs are likely to seize the day. Awaken the beast in David St. Jules—watch this guy in scrimmage, by the way—and the Butchers will give the rossonero a hard time.
Prediction: Rehabs grapple with the meat cleavers, but will find themselves victorious within 50. It will be a dogfight, but not to Mr. Vick’s palate.
Gut Rot (W/W/L/L/W) at Corlears Hookers (L/W/W/L/W), Tompkins West, 1300
Don’t peel your eyes off this beauty of a matchup; that is, if you weren’t going on a bender the night before and miraculously show up just to watch a 1pm game. It’s Ellery versus Cro—a duel for the ages. What’s absolute: Ellery will have his shirt off long before regulation (because the O’s are still 0.5 games behind the Yankees); Cro will have yet ordered his 958th cherished red hat during the halftime break (because New Yorkers are in love with Chinese fashion /s).
Hockey has been interesting for both sides this season. The royal purple a-la- Los-Angeles- Kings squad acquired much talent (namely, Dark Rainbows imports) and has been flourishing thus far. The other franchise in green/black/I don’t know continues to make historical leaps and bounds in the last weeks, securing a crowd-infused win against Fuzz (in their throwback 2012 Elves regalia, sleeved and unsleeved) in Week 6.
Although it’s my job to write a prediction, I’m crestfallen to realistically choose the Hookers to win. Bill L will probably notch a brace and Kamen will put the nail in the coffin. Longwell will contend to post a shutout, but the persistence of Jeff “Peaches” Hendricks, Tommy, and Becca could put them on the board. Let’s hope so.
Prediction: As he’s reading this, Peaches will surely flip me the bird for not choosing his side, but trust me… my heart—like the rest of the league—cheers for Gut Rot to continue pulling upsets this year.
What The Puck at Dark Rainbows
Bright orange and dayglo pink. Stare too long at this game and the two colors are going to start swirling together as you enter a hypnotic trance. You won’t know if you’re watching WTP v. Rainbows or the “Groove Is In The Heart” music video.
I was going to talk about the addition of Claire to WTP this season, but then I’d have to bring up the Caps’ heartbreaking loss and how the Pucks are still depressed about it. Well, I guess I already did. And, depressed they are. I recently saw Holden McNeil and he told me that Justin has been walking around like a morose motherfucker whose cereal has been shit in (please someone get this reference). Dudolevitch quit his band because he felt like their show jinxed the Caps.
I don’t want to say that WTP are kind of a mess right now, but, again…..I guess I already did.
Will the Rainbows take advantage of WTP being down in the dumps? They themselves are coming off a rough loss to the mighty Fresh Kills, and additionally they are still looking for their first win. I can never remember if Tia is actually going to be there on a given week, but if she is, and she, Josh, and new Rainbow Paul go on the attack, it could spell trouble for the bright orange portion of the swirling vortex.
Prediction: Emily cheers her team up enough to win, and the Rainbows are left searching for that elusive first W. 4-2, Pucks. (Susie or Liz score in this game. I won’t say which one of them.)
Filthier at Fresh Kills
Cupcakes are muffins that believed in miracles. This Sunday Ann, Tim, Kate and the rest of Filty could be that cupcake. Stick together, communicate, don’t get caught out of position and get the ball to Suvin. That dude can cut through a defense like he’s peeling the skin off of tangerine.
Well, perhaps not against Gabe when he’s out on defense. Soko’s surprise move this season to put his superstar player on D raised more than just a couple eyebrows. But the doubters have been quieted as everyone on Fresh Kills, even Natasha, has been rowing in the same direction.
Prediction: Filthy will have to wait for another Sunday to collect their first division win of the season. Ariel does work and the Kills moonwalk to 5-2.
Gremlins at Instant Karma
Back in 2010, one of Adriano’s first big moves was to integrate the teams for a week. So it would have been What the Elves vs. the Happy Little Puck. God thankfully intervened and Adzo scrapped the idea after every player in the league besides Walker hated it. (Think Seinfeld name tags.)
This game reminds me of that terrible idea. These two teams are the most friendliest of friends. Sure, Mark is going to complain to the refs about something, but for the most part there will be laughs, pats on the back and an amazing time had by all. It’s the Spirit of BTSH. And just writing this paragraph makes me puke and want to send Diana Marko through a fence.
Prediction: The Gremlins are littered all over the scoring list. Erich is 2nd in the league, Cody just got his (I’m assuming) first career BTSH hat trick, Maire is in there for the women and Jamie is having an ok season with a 1.83 goals against average. Personally, I think you need to be 1.82 or better to be considered good, but whatever.
For Karma….Brianna is on the scoring list because she scored twice in one game.
OK, so maybe they aren’t as prolific as the Gremlins but Pete, Al and Bill are so old and have been in the league so long, Gil calls them, “sir.” So maybe they won’t score that many goals, but they probably are good positionally or something?? But not good enough as Grems take this 4-2. The league takes solace in the fact that Jamie adds to his already horrendous GAA.