LBS, Inc. at Fuzz

The BTSH equivalent of Hell in a Cell.

All bets are off when these two powder houses clash (literally, as no one is taking either this week in the Survivor Pools).  LBS may be the only undefeated team the league at 5-0-0 (10 pts), with impressive wins against Cobra Kai, Filthier and Hookers, but Fuzz has been gaining momentum over the past couple of games.  Not only that, but the media has learned that LBS’ old net minder, former distinguished commissioner T-Brown, has been duped into defending the cage full time for our greasy feathered friends.

Prediction: Timmy Baby upsets his old team by shutting down Luke & Co. and helping Fuzz to a 3-1 victory.

Cobra Kai at Mathematics

By Richiehero

What happens when a Tadpole fights a beloved Gorilla? We are going to find out as Tadpole Jack and his Math squad faces off against LJ, Tom and Dani, 3 proud members of Cecil Harambe.

tl;dr (this is how you do it Jess, the tl;dr goes first) The Gorilla stomps on the tadpole.

Math is a weird team. Two weeks ago they got smushed by Al, Derek, Trembles and the rest of Karma. Yet every year in the playoffs they give the eventual champs all they can handle.

Cobra Kai is not a weird team. They are good, they play good, and they win.

Prediction: As I write this preview on 5/28/19…it’s been exactly three miserable years since Harambe was murdered by that snot-nosed four-year-old punk. I believe in LJ, Tom and Dani. I have faith that Liam…an enemy of Harambe will for one time in his life do the right thing and play hard for his respected enemy. Cobra Kai takes this, 4-1.

Mega Touch at Denim Demons

The Demons stormed out of the gate to start the season by racking up goals and collecting Ws at an astounding rate.  However, since then they’ve cooled off a bit over the past couple of games and fell in love.  Jenn P is going to need to roll up the sleeves on her tank top and slap her band of wrongdoers back into playing form.  Why?  Because this Sunday they’ve got a date with their new divisional nemesis.

The might Mega Touch may have had a bit of a rough go to start the season, but don’t let their record fool you.  Each season this team takes a couple months to get into playing shape and the timing feels right for them to explode like a jostled keg just waiting to be tapped.  Female ROY Shelly is rumored to be back in the lineup and when Hanson gets crunk you best look out.

Prediction: the Demons get out to an early leads thank to a pair of biscuits by Genie, but Jeff and Mega push back in the second half to force OT with Jules cranking home to GWG, 4-3.

Sky Fighters at What The Puck

Written by Siouxsie Sioux and Budgie

For the 2nd year in a row the Fighters had a lot of turnover, and are rebuilding. We barely know any of them anymore. Sure, mainstays Stein, Infanti, Caroline, and Mia are still around…but who are the rest? I barely see Bob anymore. I don’t think I’ve met any of their new players….has anyone? (Note to self: Hmm, maybe we do a “Meet The Fighters” media piece, coming up.)

They dropped down from the 2nd division to the 3rd this year, and currently find themselves at the bottom of the 3rd division standings. Having only played 4 games (due to a late-day rainout which needs to be made up), their current record is 1-3.

Ok, wow, this is the most boring preview I’ve ever written. But, Isaac wants us to keep them short now, I believe. Also, do I REALLY have to talk about hockey? No more of my long-winded nonsense and obscure pop culture references? Well, at least it’s comforting to know that Infanti likely knows who the 2 (fake) authors of this preview are. Probably Mia, too.

What about current events? Instead of hockey can we talk about that dude who is currently ruining Jeopardy! with his total domination, making it no longer fun to even watch? I want him to lose even more than I want the Bruins to lose to the Blues. (Hi Caroline!)

Conversely, WTP moved UP from the 4th division to the 3rd this year. Thus, this game is a divisional matchup. WTP are currently 2-2-1 including an impressive upset win over Fuzz. They currently have 17 goals for and……..booooooooring. Hockey, hockey, hockey. Blech.

(Wait, one more hockey-related thing I will say about them is that the addition of Ed and Henry has made them an even more formidable opponent than in years past.)

Ok, now back to more important things like……did y’all hear that Sidewalk Cafe closed? Sigh. I didn’t even know until we walked by last week on the way to Ace. I used to go to open mic nights at Sidewalk when I first moved to New York. Also, did you see what they did to Sunshine Cinema?? Ugh. Soon everything will be a miniature shopping mall or a Chase bank. Time for me to move to Philly. Or Mars.

Crap, I just remembered I have to follow up with Michaliga on something website-related. Gotta go.

Prediction: Hogg’s box scores will be even more long-winded and pointless than this preview. Oh, and….WTP wins, 4-2