Chuck Has A Lot On His Mind

GAME OF THE WEEK
Gouging Anklebiters (4-1) at Denim Demons (4-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 5-5-1
Game Notes: Upon hearing that the media would promote his matchup against the Denim Demons as the Game of the Week, the normally reserved Charles DeFranco of the Gouging Anklebiters went off on one of his now infamous rants about his opponents:

Adam is a legend only in his own mind, Abby has too much dirty laundry, Steve is a Devils fan, Lena hates puppies, Jeff is out of the country, Zack’s dad always gets in the way, Gabby wears too much red, Emily doesn’t wear enough red, Brad is not sexy, Aaron can’t play the drums, Tara sings off key, Danny’s cooking sucks, Bob disgusts me, Lauren is an elitist, Miranda isn’t civic-minded, Mike only plays for personal stats, Dave needs a shower, Connie drives too slowly, Bill is not a sweetie, Val cried during Baseketball,  Dez is frequently truant, Noah chews with his mouth open, and Sara has never watched The A-Team.  As for Jim, there’s nothing bad I can say about him.

When reached for comment, Denim Demons captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens was reportedly not pleased with DeFranco’s remarks.  However, teammate “Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau was elated.
Keys To The Game:
1. Since vicious hazing allegations against the Gouging Anklebiters were made public prior to Week 2, the team has reeled off four consecutive victories, including a seven-goal output against Cobra Kai.
2. Despite the absence of last season’s team scoring leader, Jeff Kamen, the Denim Demons have had no trouble finding the back of the net this year.  They are third in the league with 19 goals, a league-leading seven of which are from forward Zack Tinkelman.
3. Denim Demon newcomer Bob DiProspero is quickly making a case for himself to be the Little Chernoski Demon Achiever for top rookie on the team.  He has already scored three goals this season and also tallied a shootout goal against the arch-rival Rehabs.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons.  Rubens is clearly incensed by DeFranco’s comments and has vowed to kill the legend of his trash-talking.
Watchability: 4 Derhohannesians.  With both teams on hot streaks, neither will want to lose any momentum.

Mega Touch (2-3) at Poutine Machine (2-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Only three teams in BTSH have allowed fewer goals than Mega Touch.  The team has yet to give up more than three goals in any game and has only yielded one in each of its last two.
Eli’s Pick: Mega Touch
Derek’s Pick: Poutine Machine.  The squad seems to be taking well to Sven’s excellent tutelage and sagacity.
Watchability: 2.5 Derhohannesians

La Famiglia (2-3) at Happy Little Elves (3-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: This is the Elves’ first home game since the first week of the season.  Ironically, with the Glanzer Dome still under construction (now scheduled to be completed in 2015), this game will take place in Tuques Arena.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  The Elves went 3-1 on their recent road trip, so they seem to have no problems with playing in enemy territory.
Derek’s Pick: La Famiglia.  I don’t have a good reason.  I just feel like picking against Hockey Rich.
Watchability: 3.5 Derhohannesians

Sky Fighters (3-2) at Butchers (1-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Sky Fighters’ Greg Cohan and the Butchers’ Gary Cohen have names that are somewhat congruent.  However, the two are not related, as they spell and pronounce their last names differently.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  They’ve shaken off their early-season championship hangover.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Watchability: 3 Derhohannesians

Corlears Hookers (3-1) at Unicorns (3-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 2-1
Game Notes: The Corlears Hookers were well-represented in the Flowing Locks/Balding Furies game two weeks ago, as Jason Eitel tallied two goals and Dan Thompson scored one.  In addition, goalie Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson recorded the win between the pipes.  However, none of these stats will count towards regular season totals, as the game was not sanctioned by the New York State Athletic Commission.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Watchability: 3.5 Derhohannesians.  The game gets an extra half point, because it will be sanctioned.

LBS, Inc. (1-3-0-1) at Rehabs (3-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 8-4
Game Notes: The Rehabs had only six players in attendance for their last game against Mega Touch.  Although the team still managed to win, captain Meredith “Danberg” Ficarelli is hopeful that more players (including herself) will show up this week.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  There’s a rumor floating around that if The Corporation wins, CEO Sascha Puritz will reward everyone with a Summer Friday next week.
Derek’s Pick: No pick.  Derek will be reffing this game.
Watchability: 4 Derhohannesians

Dark Rainbows (1-2-0-2) at Gut Rot (1-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Dark Rainbow Dan “Danny Abs” Abdo has been eagerly anticipating this game since the schedule was first released.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. Abdo will savor this victory above all others.
Watchability: 2 Derhohannesians

What The Puck (4-0) at Tompkins Square Riots (3-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: With thoughts on Sunday’s Sega NHL 94 tourney, What The Puck captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has orchestrated a three-team trade.  Coming to WTP is Chicago Blackhawk (and 89 overall rated) Jeremy Roenick, going from What The Puck to the Winnipeg Jets will be Winnipeg native Corey “Chongo” Winters (85 overall), and to complete the deal, Teemu Selanne (90 overall) will move from the Jets to the Blackhawks.  Zimmer has slotted Roenick on What The Puck’s third line alongside grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald and Lisa Harrington.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  With the addition of Roenick, they’re unstoppable.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck
Watchability: 3 Derhohannesians

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Filthy Gorgeous (3-2) at Fresh Kills (4-0-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 4-0
Game Notes: Dennis Hopper died last week, a truly iconic and unique talent. This week’s previews are dedicated to him…

Why, Fresh Kills?  Why would a bunch of nice guys like you want to kill a genius? Do you know Filthy Gorgeous really likes you? They like you. They really like you. But they’ve got something in mind for you. Are you curious about that?  I mean, what are they gonna say about Fresh Kills? That they were kind? That they were wise? That they had plans? That they had wisdom? Bullshit, man! And are you gonna be the ones to set them straight? Look at me. Look at me! NO! WRONG! You, FG. YOU!
Vegas Line: Pick-em.
Jesse the Greek says: Fresh Kills goes Captain Willard in this one and get the monkey off its back.
Watchability: 4 Clicks up the river

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Mathematics (0-4-0-1) at Cobra Kai (2-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 6-1
Game Notes: Hey, Mathematics: you don’t talk to the Kai. You listen to them. They’ve enlarged my mind. They’re poet-warriors in the classic sense. I mean, sometimes they’ll, uh, well, you’ll say, “Hello” to them, right? And they’ll just walk right by you and won’t even notice you. And suddenly, they’ll grab you, and throw you in a corner, and say, “Do you know that ‘if’ is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you…” – I mean, I’m no, I can’t – Math, you are little men, you’re little men, and Cobra Kai, they’re, they’re great men. You should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas – I mean…
Vegas Line: Cobra Kai by 2
Jesse the Greek says: Give the points
Watchability: 2 Colonel Kurtz’s

Survivor Pool

Adriano Bratta (WTP) – Dark Rainbows
Ben Chadwick (HLE) – Sky Fighters
Jesse Kalb (But) – Happy Little Elves