Do You Smell What Tommy Is Cooking?

Three Stars of the Week

Third Star: Myrto Mylopoulos, Tompkins Square Riots. Myrto scored the only shootout goal in the Riots’ win against the Unicorns, and we’re looking for any excuse to get this video on the site one more time.
Second Star: Joe Polowczuk, Unicorns/Rehabs. As a borrowed player, who was inexplicably allowed to play by the Elves power structure, Joe recorded a hat trick to lead the Rehabs to their first victory of the season.  In addition to giving his Fairy Tale Cup rivals a taste of things to come, Polowczuk also scored the game-tying goal in his own game for the Unicorns.
First Star: Tommy Capatosta, LBS, Inc.  The Corporation’s Security Manager had all five of the team’s goals in LBS, Inc.’s 5-4 overtime win against the Sky Fighters.  He has dubbed the accomplishment the “Capatostrick.”

Shaun deLacy GAA Watch

This year, due to a series of stupid bets made by Happy Little Elves goalie Shaun deLacy, the media will track his goals against average over the course of the regular season.

Goals Allowed This Week: 0 (did not play)
Goals Allowed Previously: 14
Goals Allowed This Season: 14
Games Played: 5
Goals Against Average: 2.8
Next Opponent: Butchers (2.33 goals per game)

After recording a shutout last week against the Denim Demons, Shaun thought he owed it to himself to take a week off in celebration of his momentous feat.  As a result, team captain Rich Glanzer filled in for his keeper with less than stellar results.  This week, a well-rested deLacy returns to action to face the Butchers, who have won three in a row and are led by league-leading scorer, Ben Bloom.

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Mike Smith
Team: Mathematics
Unsanctioned Nickname: Hippie
Rejected Nicknames: Mikey, Smitty, Vanilla, Buckeye
Origin: Springboro, OH
College: Miami University (OH)
Quote: “Git-r-done!”
First Job: Valet parking attendant at La Comedia Dinner Theatre
Current Job: Business Entrepreneur
Early Accomplishments: Figuring out that “soda” and “pop” are the same thing.
Current Accomplishments: He finished second to Ellen M. of the Butchers in the 2010 Sharif Corinaldi Memorial Hot Legs Competition
Hero: Joe Dirt
Reason to Love Him: This profile will most likely cause Rich Glanzer to start an extended boycott of btsh.org.
Reason to Hate Him: He takes candy from babies.
Best Known For: His arm tattoo, which is an outline of the state of Ohio
Fast Fact: Mike is not legally allowed to shave, as his beard now houses several endangered species of birds.
Favorite Things: Motorsports, Skyline Chili, Maker’s Mark whiskey, broomball
Favorite IndyCar Driver: Michel Jourdain, Jr.
Least Favorite Things: Ohio State University, the anonymous Mathematics GM, people confusing Ohio for Idaho, mega-churches
Hockey Comparison: Mike Smith
Non-Hockey Comparison: Take your pick.
Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Him: He and Rich Glanzer won the 2010 Media Award for Best Duo, narrowly beating out runners-up Rich Glanzer and Karsten Pichon
Down the Road: Mike decides he doesn’t look like an authentic redneck.  He grows a mullet to “keep it real.”