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Week 5 Preview

Everyone’s Excited For Rehabs-Demons!

GAME OF THE WEEK
HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Rehabs (2-1) at Denim Demons (2-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 6-6-1
Game Notes: For as long as the Rehabs and Denim Demons have been in BTSH, their rivalry has been one of the bitterest and most intense in the league.  However, numerous events this offseason have led to a thaw in their once frosty relationship.  The animosity began to dissipate when Demon veteran (and Stacy S. Kehoe award winner) Abby Meisterman allowed long time Rehab Stacy S. Kehoe to borrow her hockey stick during a scrimmage.  The Rehabs reciprocated the goodwill when team firecracker Gina Hackett offered Demons captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens a swag bag of Rehabs merchandise (including a t-shirt, bandana, Romeo Shampoo, Mike Bartlett Cupcake mix, and a Villano Edition iPod).  Rubens was reportedly “totally amped” over the gesture.   The Rehabs’ generosity continued when known agitator and instigator Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman sent the Demons a care package of fine China to replace the plates he broke in a 2007 clubhouse raid.  These teams buried the hatchet once and for all during a black-tie mixer, hosted by Bryan “Stork” Welch of the Rehabs and “Hacksaw” Jim Dandaneau of the Demons.  Aaron “Coach” Pagdon and Meredith “Danberg” Ficarelli were coronated as the king and queen of the event.
Keys To The Game:
1. Though his attendance has been inconsistent since joining the Rehabs, Adam Skuse has averaged more than a goal per game.  If he plays, the Demons’ defense will have to monitor him closely.
2. Denim Demon forwards Mike Pereira and Zack Tinkelman are tied for the league lead with five goals each.  However, Tinkelman’s father, Joe, is not happy about his son’s transition from a shutdown defender to an offensive dynamo.
3. Both of these teams are coming off of three-goal losses to a Rubens Division opponent.  Despite the newfound congeniality between the squads, they will both be playing hard to get back on the winning track.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  According to Ellery, the Demons suck, and he’s the most reliable source I know.
Watchability: 5 Khars.  “Hey guys, come to my game!  There’s going to be pie!”

Unicorns (3-0) at La Famiglia (0-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 11-1
Game Notes: Two teams on opposite sides of the standings will face off in this inter-conference matchup.  The Unicorns have looked impressive thus far with wins over the Dark Rainbows, the defending champion Sky Fighters, and the Tompkins Square Riots.  La Famiglia, on the other hand, remains winless and has allowed the most goals in BTSH.
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns
Watchability: 3 Khars.  The Unicorns play close games with everyone.

Happy Little Elves (2-0-0-1) at Dark Rainbows (0-2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 2-0
Game Notes: This game will be the second contest of the triangular series among the Unicorns, Dark Rainbows, and Happy Little Elves for the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.  There has been far too much Elves coverage on this site lately, so that is the only game note.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  The Chairman and Hockey Rich really covet this trophy, but they covet the Barnacle Bowl even more.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves
Watchability: 4 Khars

Corlears Hookers (2-1) at Filthy Gorgeous (2-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 5-0
Game Notes: These two Rubens Division rivals last met in the quarterfinals of the 2009 playoffs.  The Corlears Hookers continued their mastery over Filthy with a 2-1 victory, thanks to a game-winning goal by Noelle “Slapshot” Safar.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  They are still yet to lose to Filthy, and I don’t see that trend changing this week.
Watchability: 4.5 Khars

Sky Fighters (1-2) at Poutine Machine (2-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: These teams both wear blue.  The media hope they have accounted for this.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  They have a blackout uniform.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Watchability: 2.5 Khars

Tompkins Square Riots (2-1) at Mathematics (0-2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: These MacNeil Division foes are both coming off of tough losses.  The Riots played well against the red hot Unicorns, but ultimately lost 3-2.  The Mathematics allowed Happy Little Elves captain “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick to score three goals, which is a worse indignity than any loss could ever be.
Watchability: 2.5 Khars.  Give this game a look.  You might like it.

LBS, Inc. (1-2) at Fresh Kills (2-0-0-1)
Written by Inter-Conference Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 11-5
Game Notes: A slow start to the season, to say the least, for the LBS crew. Former champs should conduct themselves with a little more dignity than this. A 1-2 record with a minus-1 goal differential? Sorry, but that will definitely NOT get you asked to the prom by the football captain. Fresh Kills, meanwhile, has opened the year at a brisk 2-0-0-1 clip, with the second best goal differential in the league. There’s no doubt that LBS has scoring talent, but if goalie Seth Wachtell keeps giving up 3+ goals a game, it’s going to be a long season.
Vegas Line: Fresh Kills by 2?
Jesse the Greek says: Take Fresh Kills, give the points, and bet the over?
Watchability: 4 Alabama Slammers. This one should be high-scoring and intense.

Cobra Kai (2-1) at Gouging Anklebiters (2-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 5-1
Game Notes: The gamesmanship for this Donohue Division rivalry began two weeks ago, when Anklebiter goalie “Quiet” Mike O’Connor filled in for Cobra Kai.  Although he fought valiantly for the Dojo, O’Connor was also able to procure top-secret game plans, as well as Cobra Kai forward Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito’s lucky socks.
Eli’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters
Derek’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters.  Like mighty Samson’s hair, Garavito’s socks are what give him his power.
Watchability: 4 Khars

Butchers (0-2-0-1) at What The Puck (3-0)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Inspired by the Montreal Canadiens’ ongoing run in the 2010 NHL playoffs, the consistently underdog What The Puck is looking to pull a huge upset against the machine-like Butchers.  Of course, it will help that captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has secured the services of Montreal forward Michael Cammalleri, who will most likely miss the first game of the conference finals in order to play.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  Grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald is disappointed Zimmer couldn’t get his boyhood idol, Jean Beliveau.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  Cammalleri will be placed on the second line, behind the Bratta-Malguarnera, Jr.-Stark trio.
Watchability: 2.5 Khars

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Mega Touch (1-2) at Gut Rot (1-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mega Touch leads 1-0
Game Notes: These two teams square off in an early season rematch of MacNeil division bottom-feeders. Newcomers Gut Rot have actually played respectable hockey to this point, posting an overtime shootout win over Fresh Kills and losing another shootout to Poutine Machine. Much depends on their ability to field enough female players any given weekend. Of course, Mega Touch’s one win this year came on opening day over Gut Rot, but don’t expect a repeat.
Vegas Line: Gut Rot by 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: Give the points. Gut Rot will work them over like a speed bag.
Watchability: 3 pairs of mom jeans

Survivor Pool

Adriano Bratta (WTP) – Gut Rot
Ben Chadwick (HLE) – Unicorns
Jesse Kalb (But) – Unicorns

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