Week 5 – Game Previews, Part 1

LBS at What the Puck
1:00 pm, East Court
by Eli “Give Me Five Bees for a Quarter” Kazin

Back when Derek and I ran the website, a time Dave Ladanyi refers to as the Golden Age of BTSH editorial content, we assigned a watchability rating to each game.

If you aren’t familiar with the watchability rating, or don’t recall it all that well, just go ask Eric Devlin about it. He was probably the biggest fan of this system that the BTSH universe was overwhelmingly clamoring for, which ranked games on a scale of 1 (not watchable at all) to 5 (can’t miss). If the watchability scale was still used, this game would get a rating of 5 Limonics, Wachtells, Capotostas, Vrooms, Starks, Malguarneras, or the pluralized last name of any other player we might want to give a token mention. Of course, that player’s last name couldn’t end in an “S”, as that made pluralization quite difficult. Sometimes, we’d even throw in the pluralized version of a nickname, like Mad Dogs or Alpha Males, as a minor deviation from the norm. Man, I’m getting nostalgic for the old watchability scale.

But back to the point…this game is going to be good. I’m giving it to the defending champs in a taut defensive battle.

LBS, Inc. 2, What The Puck 1.

Cobra Kai at Filthy Gorgeous
2:00 pm, East Court
by Rich “Brad Paisley” Glanzer

At the Opening Night party…BTSH’s premier power couple of Monica Russo and Sven (Green Card) Larsen were making it rain with their talk of meeting up in the BTSH Finals. And thanks to both teams qualifying for the playoffs once Sven’s check cleared, its still a very real possibility. But man its been a torturous ride so far. With both teams 0-4…the couple can no longer think of themselves as Luke & Laura, Brad and Angelina, or Romeo and his husband. They are more like Federline & Spears, Kardashian & Humphries and Rehabs & straight women. In other words…its just not working out.

But there’s hope! While Poutine has little chance against the Tuques…Filthy is actually favored to beat fellow 0-4 team…Cobra Kai. The Dojo has not been Daniel or Julie san …they’ve been more like Will Smith’s little kid that “starred” in one of the Karate Kids. You can watch a video here. http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/528273ccff/the-black-karate-kid. Its probably safe for work, though maybe not. A little racist but not too bad.

Anyways…I’m going to predict a happy night at the Larsen’s. A surprising 2-1 upset over the Tuques for Poutine…with Jerome Victor Ramos netting the game winner! Oh…I forgot, I’m doing the CK/Filthy game. Filthy wins it 3-1 with Suz, some dude I never heard of, and Caroline Currie scoring for Filthy.

Butchers at Gut Rot
3:00 pm, West Court

There’s always something special about a game where a team goes up against it’s sire/parent/spiritual inspiration. And this match should prove no exception. Not only are these two teams tied together by bonds of family and friendship, they’ve developed an almost symbiotic relationship.

In their first year the Butchers were seen as “Gut RotGetting Serious”. They’d still represent at the bar but they were all business on the court and even somewhat douchey. The recruitment of agitators like Arnold and Georgine only served to cement that reputation. But fast forward a couple of years and the Butchers have grown to resemble their progenitors. Double B, Creamy and Co. seem more concerned about perfecting their ZZ Top tribute band than putting up “W”s these days. Meanwhile, inspired by not finishing last in the league in 2012, a fired up Gut Rot squad has been playing hard, kicking ass and taking names. Tommy is a scoring force, Worky is sporting a Mark Messier half-tough/half-crazy glare at the start of every game and even Mary is throwing gang signs on the sidelines.

BTSH experts predict it’s only a matter of time before these two teams merge to form a street hockey behemoth that’s part Jimmy Buffett/part Matt Cooke. In the meantime, look for a close match here. The deciding factor will probably be the previous day’s Charity Tournament. If Rachel Green holds true to form and uses multiple rounds of shots to assist with her fundraising efforts, GR may just have an edge here.

Tompkins Square Riots at Gremlins
4:30 pm, West Court

Two of the nicer teams in BTSH meet up for a spirited late afternoon conference. But for many league observers, this is the BTSH equivalent of a Columbus Bluejackets-Florida Panthers game. To say these teams fly below the radar is an understatement.

As last week’s writeup showed, the Gremlins are still an unknown force to many in the league. But the veteran core of Ryan, Mark, Caitlin, and Iannis makes them competitive every game. Meanwhile, the Riots have solved the attendance problems that have plagued them in year’s past and are giving teams like the Hookers a run for their money. With Blohme, Frenette and new addition Laura providing some spark on offense, expect TSR to be receiving a lot more press as the season continues.

We’re big fans of Luke’s Leathernecks but we have to give the edge on this one to Amy’s Army.

Riots 3, Gremlins 2.

PS: Somebody watch this game!!

Mathematics at Mega Touch
5:30 pm, West Court
by Monica “Moneyball” Russo

Eli’s on a scoring jag? Who knew?! Does anyone know how many he’s got in a row? Goooooooo Eli!

I’d love to say that the key to this game will be the Norris mom, but I don’t know the woman, and it seems like bad form to put all that pressure on her.

If the games I’ve played this season so far are any indication, I’d say the team that will win is the team that brings more people. What I’ve learned this year: very few players = not so much winning. I’m grinding my axe right here.

But seriously, Bratta. Didn’t you used to be a scoring machine? Get on that.

The MT is going to have to play hard to beat Math, but this is actually a well matched game and should be fun to watch.

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