Butchers at Rehabs

By Richiehero

God hates you RG1. After (assumingly) doing an amazing job with the Rose Charity Tournament on Saturday, RG1, Brady and the rest of their cohorts will not only have to face the Rehabs,but also face them the first game of the day.

Rachel is going to be supremely tired because she always puts herself on the best team, so she’s going to play a lot of games. I’m starting to think Diane J., and Becky Norris don’t have as much power as Rachel does during the Rose.

Meanwhile, Hicks is going to be furious about losing yet another final for Team Michigan at the Rose. Luckily for the Rehabs this isn’t a championship game so Hicks will actually win this one. No thanks to him of course, he’ll be hungover and puke on Gordie. But Cherie will get a hat trick and the Rehabs will take this one, 4-2.

Prediction: see above.

Instant Karma at Denim Demons

By Jess

Last week Karma beat WTP, who beat Fuzz in week 2, so technically Karma can beat Fuzz. Anyways if you could follow that logic Karma should be able to beat the Demons, who delivered a crushing 6-1 blow to the Rainbows in their previous game. The Demons maybe shouldn’t be fucked with this year, as they’ve broken many a survivor pool and still haven’t lost a game. To counter that (get ready for some more logic), they’ve also dropped down a division every year, so saying they’re the best team in D4 is like saying the kid in my high school who took global studies twice and got an A the second time around was a social studies savant.  Karma isn’t known for being physically tough on the ball, while the Demons are. Both teams are equally skilled but the Demons will definitely out-muscle their old D3 rivals.

Prediction: Demons win 4-2.

Tompkins Square Riots (1-1-0-0) at What the Puck (1-1-0-1)

Tompkins East, 14:00 (2:00pm)

By Hornswoggle

Achieving different results in W3, both teams at least saw a fresh change in scoring output with all goalscorers netting their firsts of the season (congrats—the monkey is finally off your backs!). However, the Katz Division is finding itself more competitive as Karma rallied late in the second period and put down the persistent Pucks, the favorite to win the match. Meanwhile with Demons beginning to run away with the Michaliga Division title, the rest of the pack is struggling to keep afloat, though the Riots are starting to respond with a win over Gut Rot. In this intra-conference duel, we should see an equal amount of effort between two teams with different tactics.

The hosts (the Oranje) will generally entertain the multitudes through rigid gegenpresse, sending their offense high up the court to encourage opposition to pass or dump immediately upon possession. They hope the overwhelming pressure results in turnovers and successful scoring chances which have, at times, worked for them this season. However, this tactic depletes squad stamina, so the Pucks will have to employ a balance with their lines while communicating effectively. With Hoggystyle [CPA, MAcc, BAFM] quarterbacking campaigns up the court, life could be easy for them.

The visitors in heathered red will find life difficult at the game’s outset with knowledge that Puck’s press will be out of control, which is why the perfect counter attack will be a valuable tactic to their arsenal. Precise outlet passes, playing wide areas, and keeping opposition a decent distance from the slot is tantamount to the Riots’ success. Catching opposing players out of position is critical as well, as perhaps some of Puck’s personnel are privy to probe past their posted areas. Suz and Frosty will be keys to exploiting this.

Prediction: Assuming full attendance for both squads, we could see another extra time duel. Pucks haven’t thoroughly closed a game—narrowly holding to fluster Fuzz in W2—and perhaps the Riots were a bit lucky considering Becca’s half-clothed disposition in W3. Also considering that I was wrong last game to suggest that Pucks would manhandle Karma… I would now venture that HOFer Dave and the Riots will have Pucks just scrounging a point.

Gremlins at Dark Rainbows

By Tracy Demon

You know what they say about pizza: even when it’s Spumoni Gardens, it’s still pretty good. Can the same be said of the Rainbows and Gremlins? Both have faced their share of burnt cheese moments during this still-young season. The Rainbows pulled off a piping hot SO victory against Mega during week one, then got grease-fired by Math and the Demons. And the Gremlins garnered hundreds of positive Yelp reviews by beating the crusty Fresh Kills, then served up a wasteful upside-down slice against Mega the very next Sunday. So which is it, guys and gals? Are you DiFara or Spumoni? Only one of you can be DiFara this week, and I think it’s going to be the Gremlins, 3-1.

Prediction: see above.

LBS, Inc. at Corlears Hookers

By Richiehero

Two undefeated teams battle it out this week in BTSH. While Zisser has only given up 4 goals in 3 games, the Hookers have yet to let in a goal. CroMerica really does care about defending the net as much as those walls!

But this week they face the Lbs. and lets just say the proud American men and women of the Hookers are going to face their biggest test yet.

The battle between the women will be legendary if everyone shows up. We all know Tiffany and Sarah but there is a new Hooker named Jenna. I know her name not because she made several beautiful passes and was constantly in the right spot, but more so because I called three tick-tacky BTSH style penalties on her. Meanwhile thankfully for the Lbs. Liz is no longer one of their better girls. With Hill-Dawg and Jessie joining Kelsea, the Lbs. girls are formidable.*

As for the guys, we all know Jake, Avery, Karstan, Alex…but only half of them will show up and not the good half. I’m not sure who the Hookers guys are but they seem to play hard, aggressive (in a good way, calm down) but with limited offensive skills.

Prediction: I think the Lbs. attendance issues will catch up to them and the Hookers will stay unbeaten with a 3-1 victory.

* Most of the Lbs. girls, you still don’t have to worry about Liz. Tough but fair.