Poutine Machine Is Sitting Pretty

GAME OF THE WEEK
Poutine Machine (2-0-1) at What The Puck (2-0-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: After a stunning win against the Denim Demons last week, Poutine Machine is looking to shock the league once again as the team prepares for its matchup against What The Puck.  Although Poutine entered last week’s game against last season’s Prince of Weyersberg Cup champions as heavy underdogs, the team buckled down on defense and produced a 1-0 win.  Defenseman Kevin MacDonald scored the lone goal late in the game, and goalie Tim Brown turned aside every Demons shot to preserve the victory.  However, Brown and the Poutine defense will have their hands full once again this week against the offensive depth of Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s Orange Juggernaut.  After losing their opening game to Fresh Kills in a shootout, What The Puck has performed as expected, producing quality wins against Gut Rot and the defending champion Happy Little Elves.  After a brief adjustment period, it seems as though Mad Dog’s offseason acquisitions have become acclimated to their new team’s style of play.  With What The Puck’s offense finally clicking, Brown will have to turn in another stellar performance for Poutine Machine to win.
Keys To The Game:
1. Rookie forward Ashish Nagpal leads Poutine Machine with two goals.  He has already done an outstanding job in helping to fill the very big void left by the departure of “Double J” Jeff Jewett.
2. What The Puck’s Hartman brothers, Darrell and Oliver, each have two goals on the season.  They are a critical part of What The Puck’s extremely balanced offense, which ranks third in BTSH.
3. Distant cousins Kevin MacDonald of Poutine Machine and What The Puck’s grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald have already had a budding rivalry since the MacDonald family reunion of 2003.  Tom has always taken offense to Kevin’s insistence that the Toronto Blue Jays are superior to the Montreal Expos.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  Forward Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth thinks poutine is delicious.
Derek’s Pick: Poutine Machine.  I promised Jo-Ann I’d pick them if they beat the Demons last week.  So.
Watchability: 4 Therriaults.  This should be a true test to see if What The Puck is as good as everyone thinks, or if Poutine is better than everyone assumed.

Fresh Kills (2-1) at Gut Rot (0-3)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gut Rot leads 1-0
Game Notes: Gut Rot faces a Weyersberg Conference opponent for the third consecutive week.  Last year, Gut Rot knocked off Fresh Kills in Week 2, as Chris had the only successful shootout attempt.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  With Chris now on the Butchers, goalie Patrick Barch can rest easy.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills
Watchability: 3 Therriaults

Filthy Gorgeous (1-2) at Butchers (1-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Both of these teams enter the weekend riding two-game losing streaks.  Filthy Gorgeous lost to La Famiglia in Week 2 and LBS, Inc. last week, allowing an uncharacteristic eight goals in the process.  The Butchers offense has stagnated, as the team scored only one goal in losses to the Mathematics and Corlears Hookers.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  Goalie Dan “D.O.” Owens is still one of the league’s best, and he should be able to stop the team’s defensive woes.
Watchability: 3.5 Therriaults

LBS, Inc. (1-1-0-1) at Tompkins Square Riots (1-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 1-0
Game Notes: Both of these teams won their first game of the season last week and are looking to continue their momentum.  LBS, Inc. turned aside Filthy Gorgeous 3-1, while the Riots defeated Mega Touch 5-1.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin has yet to score a goal this season and is due for a breakout game.  He scored four goals against the Riots last year.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.
Watchability: 3 Therriaults

La Famiglia (1-0-1-1) at Gouging Anklebiters (0-3)
Written by Preview Correspondent Will Kuhns
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 11-5
Game Notes: Biters captain Phil Donohue, a man sensible enough not to toast with water, refuses to sweat about his team’s three early losses. Meanwhile, wretched winter refuses to yield to sunny spring. Coincidence? An inspired outing from La Famiglia last week ended cruelly at the horns of the Unicorns, and Alfred Liu will move asphalt to avoid another OT shutout loss.
Will’s Pick: La Famiglia. Shafiq “Off Black” Perry unleashes Macchio-esque footwork to escape with a pair of goals and unscathed ankles.
Watchability: 2 Therriaults

Rehabs (0-3) at Denim Demons (1-2)
Written by Preview Correspondent Will Kuhns
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 7-6-1
Game Notes: The Rehabs probably couldn’t have picked a worse time to face the Downright Desperate Demons, who were shockingly shut out by a french fry factory for their second straight loss. But the Rehabs didn’t pick this time, opponent, or even the West court. Rehabs captain Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli is formulating a subliminal “people like you better this way” campaign to prey upon the Demons’ mental, um, demons.
Will’s Pick: Demons. Aaron “Coach” Pagdon continues his strong form and shuts the door long enough for Big Red’s guns to regain theirs.
Watchability: 3.5 Therriaults

Dark Rainbows (3-0) at Cobra Kai (2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-0
Game Notes: Two of the league’s hottest goalies will face off in this inter-conference battle.  The Dark Rainbows’ John Meyer has allowed just three goals all season, including a shutout against the Sky Fighters on Opening Day.  Cobra Kai’s Peter Lang has been even better, allowing just two goals, including last week’s shutout against the Mathematics.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows
Watchability: 4 Therriaults.  Both teams are playing their best hockey in years, so we should be in store for a competitive battle.

Sky Fighters (2-1) at Corlears Hookers (3-0)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 3-1
Game Notes: On the strength of two divisional wins, the Corlears Hookers have raced out to an early lead in the Rubens Division.  The Hookers boast the league’s top offense and also have the best goal differential in BTSH.  After suffering an Opening Day loss, the Sky Fighters have won two in a row.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  Very few teams have repeatedly beat the Hookers.  The Sky Fighters are one of them.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  Even in their two wins, Sky hasn’t looked as polished as in years past.
Watchability: 4 Therriaults

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Mathematics (1-1-1) at Unicorns (3-0)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 5-1
Game Notes: It seems like an understatement to say the Unicorns are dialed in. Three games, three wins, and just one goal allowed, total, and leading what could be a surprisingly tough Donohue Division. If they can ever figure out how to score consistently, they would be a dangerous team. The Mathematics can turn things on when properly motivated (See their Week 2 dismantling of the rival Butchers), but do they have the focus to take control of the league’s Second Division? A statement win over one of the hotter teams would go a long way.
Vegas Line: Unicorns by 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: Take the points. The Unis offense will struggle to cover spreads like this.
Watchability: 3.5 Jolly Ranchers

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Mega Touch (1-2) at Happy Little Elves (1-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mega Touch leads 2-1
Game Notes: Say this for the defending champs: they are not boring. Between both scoring and yielding a ton of goals, and Rich Glanzer’s Saturday Burlesque Revue, things are always spicy in Fairy Tale Land. Don’t run to the bodega for beers while they’re playing; you might miss something. Mega Touch is learning the hard way about the vagaries of big free-agent signings. Commissioner and big-time scorer Adriano Bratta has been dubbed “A-brat” for his A-rod like ability to run up his own point totals in games already decided. The question is, can he handle the pressure in tight games?
Vegas Line: Elves by 2.5
Jesse the Greek says: Elves to cover. A-Brat is a healthy scratch, and the Elves run away with this one.
Watchability: 2 Syringes