“We’re Going To Score This Many Goals!”

GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck (3-0) vs. Fresh Kills (2-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 7-6-1
Game Notes: When these two teams last met, Fresh Kills upset What The Puck in double overtime in the quarterfinals of the 2008 playoffs en route to their eventual championship. However, this devastating loss only stiffened What The Puck’s resolve for this season, as they have put up 19 goals through three games, while only allowing one. Newcomers Sal Malguarnera and Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta have combined for eight of these tallies. After opening this season with a loss, Fresh Kills has regained its championship form with two consecutive victories. Although they have only put up 10 total goals thus far, the attack has been spread out, as seven different players have their name on the scoring ledger. With a fired up What The Puck squad looking to avenge its 2008 postseason elimination, Fresh Kills will need the help of everyone on its roster.
Keys To The Game:
1. Fresh Kills forward Dave Sokolyansky notched three goals, including the game winner, in last year’s playoff game against What The Puck.  He’s one of the fastest players on the court and can test even the stiffest of defenses.
2. As veteran Corey “Chongo” Winters continues to recover from an injury, What The Puck will look to fellow veteran Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth to step up his game and leadership abilities.
3. With What The Puck’s regular goalie Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz missing the past two games for Lamaze class, captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has taken matters into his own hands.  He has locked Cruz in the team’s goalie bag and will not open it until five minutes before game time.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  Corey’s never wrong.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  Let’s just hope Mad Dog remembers to leave a few air holes.

Mexican Standoff (0-3) vs. Denim Demons (2-0-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 6-0-1
Game Notes: Despite the fact that former Denim Demon Ellery “The Nature Boy” now plays for Mexican Standoff, Demon captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens does not plan to alter his game plan.  Like all other weeks, he will show no mercy.
Eli’s Pick: Denim Demons.  That’s it, Naitch.  You’re out of here!
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons

Filthy Gorgeous (3-0) vs. Tuques (0-3)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 4-1
Game Notes: Filthy Gorgeous is tied for the league lead in goals with 19, while the Tuques have allowed the second most goals.  You can see where this goes from here…
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  He fixes the cable?

Happy Little Elves (0-3) vs. Unicorns (2-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 1-0
Game Notes: This game will be the third and final leg of the triangular series among the Unicorns, Dark Rainbows, and Happy Little Elves for the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.  The Unicorns have already secured possession of the Cup for a second consecutive season.
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns

LBS, Inc. (1-2) vs. Gouging Anklebiters (2-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 8-1
Game Notes: Opposing captains Sascha Puritz of LBS, Inc. and Phil “Sandy” Donohue of the Gouging Anklebiters have a storied and combative history, which dates back to their high schools days together.  The rivalry began in chemistry class when Donohue took credit for the duo’s science project, despite Puritz doing all of the work.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  Puritz will also be happy to have a victory over Anklebiters degenerate Alex Owen.

Corlears Hookers (3-0) vs. Rehabs (2-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-0
Game Notes: The Corlears Hookers will be without the services of Jason Eitel and Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney for this Rubens Division tilt.  Eitel will be in Vancouver for the weekend, while Kearney will be watching the Brewers-Astros game.  To compensate, the Hookers have recalled Reilly “Fake Dutch” Olson from their minor league affiliate.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs.  Attendance problems finally catch up to the Corlears Hookers.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  Even without Eitel and Kearney, they have many other options for scoring.

Cobra Kai (0-3) vs. Mega Touch (0-2-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Cobra Kai leads 3-0
Game Notes: According to Mega Touch hairball Alex “Co-op” Eben Meyer, “that Coop guy is gonna have a breakout game”.  However, league Manitoban Corey “Chongo” Winters disagrees, noting, “[Greg “Lysol”] Altman might not get the hattie, but he’s got at least two in him.  And Enayet [“Retail” Rasul] seals the deal with a continuous, hard-fought cycle.”
Eli’s Pick: Cobra Kai.  Corey’s never wrong.
Derek’s Pick: Mega Touch

Mathematics (0-1-1-1) vs. Dark Rainbows (2-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 2-1
Game Notes: The Mathematics are thrilled that their old teammate Noam Dolgin will be visiting from the Land Of Make Believe for this week’s game.  Former co-captain Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi was asked if he too would be making an appearance, but he declined, noting “Do you know how long it takes to bike from Cal-Berkeley to Tompkins Square Park, Evil Eli?”

Sky Fighters (2-1) vs. Mighty Squirrels (2-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mighty Squirrels lead 4-0
Game Notes: After a big victory in last week’s Game of the Week against the Gouging Anklebiters, the Squirrels will face another Schloeder Division rival in this prime-time matchup.  The Sky Fighters eagerly anticipate their first non-1:00 game of the season, as this will give captain Amy Lott a chance to sober up.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  The Big Sexy Tour 2009 continues.
Derek’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels

Media Records:
Eli: 18-4
Derek: 16-6 

Survivor Pool

Ara Arnn (CK) – Denim Demons
Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli (REH) – Dark Rainbows
Phil Donohue (GA) – Dark Rainbows
Alex Eben Meyer (MT) – Mega Touch
Rachel Greene (MSQ) – What The Puck
Abigail Meisterman (DD) – Denim Demons
Hector Melendez (REH) – Denim Demons
Sean Reynolds (DR) – Cobra Kai
Josh Sadlier-Brown (CH) – Unicorns
Corey Winters (WTP) – Cobra Kai
Larry Zimmer (WTP) – Denim Demons

Eliminated
Andy Pratt (MATH) – Week 1
Monica Russo (FG) – Week 1
Caroline Currie (FK) – Week 2
Enayet Rasul (CK) – Week 2
Rich Glanzer (HLE) – Week 3
Craig LaCombe (UNI) – Week 3
Adam Rubens (DD) – Week 3
Matt Spedalari (TUQ) – Week 3
James Stein (SKY) – Week 3