Who Can Resist The Allure Of Family Day?

Inspired by the success of the Denim Demons’ Family Day in 2009, this past Sunday marked the first ever league-wide Family Day.  League manager Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta encouraged all league members to invite their families and friends, and also to prepare a cherished food item.

Although the event was met with mild success, there were still several league members who participated.  Amy Kovner of the Gouging Anklebiters brought chocolate-covered strawberries (STRAWBERRIES? AAAHHH!!!) and her husband, Mr. Kovner (Todd).  Anklebiters captain Phil “Sandy” Donohue shared cupcakes from Sugar Sweet Sunshine bakery, which thankfully did not find their way into any of Minkus’ crevices.  Jason Eitel of the Corlears Hookers forced his girlfriend to cook homemade empenadas with salsa, which he then noted were made by a real Colombian (unlike Eitel, who is neither Colombian nor Canadian).  Bratta’s mother even made a brief cameo to serve her world famous tiramisu.

Mike Sokolyansky of Fresh Kills brought his brother Dave, who scored a goal, but did not cook.

Dirty Laundry

Written by Fashion Correspondent Abigail Meisterman

“People change, hairstyles change, interest rates fluctuate.” – Hillary Flammond, Top Secret

In concurrence with the unemployment rate, BTSH’s numbers have swelled. This is not to say there is any causation or correlation (although people on funemployment may find hockey as a good way to take out their jobless frustrations), just that each has gotten larger. Since a cap on active rosters has been put in place, new teams have formed so that all may play. And with new teams, as well as old, come new jerseys.

This week, let’s look at Poutine Machine, a brand new team filled with old players — old as in veteran, not age. Of course, I’m assuming that, since captain Patrick “Sven” Larsen preferred not to disclose the birth dates, social security numbers, and bank pins of his players. In a short e-mail conversation with Larsen, I gleaned the name source of the MacNeil Division’s tribute to Quebec’s Nordiques. On a romantic getaway to Ottawa, Larsen and his fiancée, Filthy Gorgeous captain Monica Russo, were looking for some afternoon delight and came upon a shack that served up the Canadian delight (which is very, very different from Turkish Delight).
 
From there, it was just a matter of brainstorming with Canadian, graphic designer, and team member (triple threat!) Kevin Macdonald to find a logo that would express PM’s love of all things Canadian*, which according to Larsen is really just poutine and hockey. I would like to submit the following for further consideration to receive love: Canadian Sex Acts (no pics, only text).

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, so Macdonald must be pretty high. The shirts are very well done and anyone who has any knowledge of hockey/NHL pre-1995 (which I don’t, except for what I learned while writing this) will no doubt rejoice in their Nordiques tribute. What do I think? Well, I just hope that the blue brings out Marcus Bonnee’s eyes.

* All things Canada? Does this mean they love the Crash Test Dummies who have a new album out next week?

A Special Thank You From “Con” Ed Lau

After another successful American Cancer Society tournament, “Con” Ed Lau wishes to thank everyone who supported the cause.  This includes those who helped to run and organize the event, as well as those who donated and played.  More than $4,200 was raised this year, which is the best single year total in tournament history.  Ed is looking forward to running the event again next year.

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Chadwick
Team: Happy Little Elves
Nickname: The Chairman
Reason For Nickname: This picture of him holding a chair
Rejected Nicknames: The Professor, Hockey Bitch, Chad-Trick
Origin: Washington, DC
College: University of North America
Early Aspirations: To headline a Friday Night Live concert on the Town Green with his band The Hanging Chads
First Job: Mascot for Green Giant
Current Job: Financial Something Or Other
Hero: Alex Ovechkin
Reason to Love Him: Without his assistance, your humble correspondents would not be able to use bullet points on this website.
Reason to Hate Him: The Elves’ Personnel Purge of ’09
Fast Fact: Chadwick’s “Eggs Benedict” came in second place in his hometown’s annual Taste of the Town in 1995.  The winner was future Mathematic Justin Perras of Vienna, VA for his homemade jambalaya.
Favorite Things: Rich Glanzer, the Elves’ blackout jersey, the Washington Capitals, viscous prose
Favorite BTSH Traveling Trophy: The Barnacle Bowl
Least Favorite Things: Rich Glanzer, Henrik Lundqvist, Dulles International Airport, brevity
Best Known For: Looking down on everyone else
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him: With Rich Glanzer handling the Elves’ personnel decisions, Chadwick is no more than a figurehead captain.
Hockey Comparison: Zdeno Chara
Non-Hockey Comparison: The Queen of England
Down the Road: Upon retirement from BTSH, Chadwick attempts to write the great American novel.  However, his book publisher passes on his weighty and pedantic treatise, opting instead for a children’s book written by 999 monkeys and one Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri at 1,000 typewriters.