GAME OF THE WEEK

Happy Little Elves (0-1-0-2) at Denim Demons(1-2-0)

Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM

Game Notes

What? A matchup between two Bratta division cellar dwellers is the Game of the Week? Has the ORG lost it already?

Fret not, BTSHers, there’s a lot more to this game than meets the eye. First of all, both these teams are much better than their records indicate. Second of all, they have a long and sometimes bitter history of encountering each other in crucial late season or playoff games. And finally, their Captains are early favorites for the Mike Milbury Intensity award (especially since Pete Putka isn’t a captain any longer). The potential for drama here is extreme.

Keys To The Game:
1. The Elves continuing goaltending controversy. Will Shaun DeLacey return from is contract holdout? Or will the thrill of watching the Flyers score an average of eight goals a game renew his demands to be the Elves new starting center?

2. Is this the week the Demons find their chemistry? They looked great in week 2 but were thoroughly outmatched by an experienced Hookers team that’s plowing through the league right now. Can grizzled veterans Rubens and Tinkelman use their dark arts to bring the team back to the cult like status they’ve enjoyed in seasons past?
3. Will Jeff Kamen’s campaign to have the Demons entered in to this year’s Fairytale Cup competition succeed? Kamen has argued that Demons are mythical creatures too and should be allowed to have a shot at one of ball hockey’s most coveted trophies. If this game turns in to an FT cup qualifier then all bets are off.

Patrick’s Pick: Expect a tight match but this may end up being the first time the Elves win in a shootout this season. The teams stack up pretty evenly talent wise but the Elves experience may give them the edge over a Demons squad that is still learning how to play together.

Watchability: 4 Pitchforks

 

What the Puck at Cobra Kai

Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM

Game Keys: Last week’s loss to the Rehabs aside, WTP are starting the season as strong as Larry’s beloved Mets. Which means it’s probably time for the losing to begin in earnest, right? That would be good news for the Dojo who have yet to notch a “W” themselves. Their ruling troika has been huddled all week in an effort to turn things around and desperate times are calling for desperate measures. Rumor has it that team Captain and soccer bigwig Will Kuhns has signed a sponsorship deal with the New York Cosmos franchise. He’s certain that the addition of football legend Pele to the squad will turn their fortunes around. We didn’t have the heart to tell him that Creamy has already ruled the Bicycle Kick Wristshot illegal. Look for WTP to put off their emulation of the ‘Mazins for one more week and get the victory here (although both Mets and Flyers fans will tell you that no one should underestimate the ability of teams in orange to lose games they should win).

Megatouch at Skyfighters

Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM

Game Keys: On paper this looks like a mismatch. Despite the heroic efforts the ORG has come to expect from the Mega core of Meyer, Katz and other players named after delis, Megatouch  have struggled against upper division teams.

Luckily, paper doesn’t win hockey games. Mega can take advantage of the fact that it’s NHL playoff time to throw Skyfighters Captain Dan Hopper and Goalie James Stein off their game big time. Here is just a sample of the taunts they have prepared for Sunday’s match:

“It’s not your fault. LA’s just a great hockey town.”

“Do you think when one Sedin twin gets a concussion, the other feels it?”

“At least you’re not losing in the finals this time.”

“Nothing good has come out of Vancouver since they stopped shooting the X-Files.”

With the Captain and goalie in a state of mental anguish all they have to do is shut down Martin, Robert and the rest of the Skyfighters lethal offence. Piece of cake, right?

Mathematics at Tompkins Square Riots

Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM

Game Keys: Mathematics are off to a great start this year but they’re going to need everything they’ve got to stop a Riots team that is plowing through its Glanzer division rivals. So kudos to Captain Derek Tagliarino for proposing to Michelle Doucet in an effort to motivate his team. Telling his fellow players that she’s threatening to call off the engagement if they don’t win may be a strategy that gets old after five or ten games but it should be pretty effective this week. Meanwhile Amy Jones celebrated her recent half-marathon finish by not playing last week. The strategy was so effective that she’s planning to run an ultramarathon this week and not show up at the court at all. If she can pull it off, expect the scoreline on this one to look like last Wednesday’s Penguins-Flyers game.

Rehabs at Dark Rainbows

Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM

Game Keys: Say what you will about the Rehabs they’re a passionate team. And that passion was on full display as they beat arch foes the ex-Rehabs (aka What the Puck) last week. The victory was only marred by Stacy Kehoe’s drunken assault on various BTSH members in the Ace Bar after the game. Only time will tell if this unfortunate incident will prevent Kehoe from winning the Stacy Kehoe award this year. Still, the Rehabs need to beware of a letdown and the Dark Rainbows are just the kind of team to take advantage of any lapse on their part. It’s always a tight game when these two classic franchises battle and the fact that uber Capitals fan Mike and uber Boston fan MDF will be facing off against each other only ups the stakes. The only thing we can guarantee about this game? Rehabs still suck.

Fresh Kills at Poutine Machine

By newly appointed Poutine Beat writer Rich Glanzer

Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: As new Poutine beat writer (later Tuques) last week was a mixed bag. They pulled off a first half stinker as they were down 4-0. As I was walking to the bathroom to puke from watching them leave my man Tim Brown out to dry, I heard Dan Hopper of the Sky Fighters say (and this actually is a true story), “Guys, lets not get sloppy in the 2nd half.” (this ends the true story part) All the Chexkz laughed and scornfully looked at Hopper and started cursing him out in a foreign language, most likely Checkslivoikiaianzxcx. But low and behold Hopper made like the Penguins, gave up the huge lead and Poutine tied it on the strength of their captain Sven scoring a big goal.

This week our heroes go against Fresh Kills, the champions of the league. This game has all the makings of 2-1, and it really depends more on attendance than anything else. Still if everyone shows up, you gots to give the edge to Fresh Kills, since you know, they are the champions. But I’m going to go with a 2-2 tie here. Ariel, you got to come up with a new move vs. Tim. Your move will work vs. any other goalie but Tim, and maybe deLacey. 

Editor’s note: I apologize to my Czech sister-in-law for this one.

Gouging Anklebiters at Corlears Hookers

Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM

Game Keys: The new look Puck Puppies face their toughest test yet as they go up against the juggernaut that is the 2012 Corlears Hookers. The good news for Donahue and Co.? They were competitive with the Hookers when they were *ahem* somewhat talent challenged. Yes, the Anklebiters have been the Ottawa Senators to the Hookers New York Rangers (yeah, I went there), a lower ranked team that still found a way to cause their higher ranked opponents conniptions. With all the recent talent that the GABs have acquired, this may their game. Goalie/Captain/Team Chaplain Dustin Olson will have to remember the advice of legendary coach Jeremy Schumacher – “Make sure you cover both Alex and Joe.”

Butchers at Filthy Gorgeous

Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM

Game Keys: Want to beat either of these teams? Set up a mirror on the sidelines. They’re so vain, they probably think this writeup is about them.  Seriously, their pre-season player drafts look like auditions for America’s Next Top Model. This game will probably resemble speed dating more than hockey.

In the end, I’ve got to give the edge on this one to Filthy. Not because Monica is my wife (although that’s a pretty good reason). But because Filthy is deep enough to be friends with the brainy kid who turns out to be super sweet and the one you were looking for all along (Hi, Jean!). The Butchers version of this is Arthur Revechkis, who while being extremely funny is also Russian and not to be trusted. Advantage FG. 

Lbs. Inc at Gremlins

Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM

Game Keys: Gremlins have been one of the early surprises of the season, playing a tight forechecking game that grinds down opponents and then scoring opportunistic, counterpunch goals. They look so much like the 1995 New Jersey Devils that Anthony Romeo has already offered to switch teams twice. They also boast one of the best new uniforms of the year. We publicly wished to see the AMC Gremlin appear on their team shirts and seeing that wish comes true earns them some ORG love (even though Poutine were one of the teams victimized by the aforementioned suffocating defense). We really want to pick them to pull off another upset over ball hockey’s equivalent of Mitt Romney but there’s one big thing working against them – altitude. Lbs. players are on average a foot taller than their Gremlins counterparts and even though we’re playing hockey not basketball, it’s going to make a big difference. After all Sam’s legal windup is about head height for most of the Gizmos. Unless they can bust out some serious platform running shoes to match their ‘70s shirts, this could be a rough one for the Yellow Furies.

La Famiglia at GutRot

Location: Tompkins West 5:30 PM

Game Keys: Speaking of team uniforms what was up with those new shirts La Famiglia debuted last week? Is it a Detroit Red Wings tribute?  A tip of the hat to Denis Miciletto’s mom’s polpi in ulmido recipe? The name of Dave Ladanyi’s new offensive strategy? We’re thoroughly stumped. Meanwhile, Gut Rot are due to debut a new team shirt of their own. It’s been four weeks after all. La Famiglia were the surprise hit of the year in 2011 and while GutRot may not quite meet those marks, they’re a vastly improved team from last year and may surprise the Cosa Nostra. With a late start (always helpful for the Whiskey Warriors) and La Fams own confusion about their new attire, this one could go either way.