Rehabs at Fuzz

By Meatbox

Few things in life are certain. Among them are death, taxes, and Alexa struggling to find refs for this game despite literally offering to pay anyone double who will ref it. However, once she does have those refs, it’s almost certainly guaranteed that this will once again be a great matchup. On the one side you have Fuzz who are hungry to avenge last week’s loss to WTP. On the other you have the Rehabs who came out guns blazing in week 2 and are looking to keep the momentum.

Let’s take a look at this rivalry over the last 3 years:

Week 17, 2016 Fuzz 4, Rehabs 1

Week 1, 2017 Rehabs 4, Fuzz 3 (OT) #fencegate

Week 16, 2017 Rehabs 6, Fuzz 2

Quarterfinals 2017 Rehabs 1, Fuzz 0

Week 18, 2018 Rehabs 5, Fuzz 1

Quarterfinals 2018 Fuzz 3, Rehabs 2 (OT)

It should be noted that for both Week 16, 2017 and Week 18, 2018, Fuzz was very short on players (Glanzer will make sure to let everyone know if I don’t print that). In any case, you’ve got a rivalry where 3 of the last 5 games have been decided by one goal. You’ve had players tribune pieces, fence shoves, late game comebacks, and overtime thrillers. If recent history is any indicator, this is most like the first of three matchups for these two teams this year, so who’s jumping out to a 1-0 season series lead?

Prediction: Glanzer avoids egregious (big word, look it up, Rich) turnovers in his own zone, but ends up with as many points in this game as his idol, Art Shamsky had hits in the 1969 World Series (0). Riding the coattails of Jeff, Gil, and Mike T to victory works for him most weeks, but not this one. Rehabs 3, Fuzz 1.

Fresh Kills at Gouging Anklebiters

By Jess

Coming off a 2 game loss last weekend, this might be the first time ever FK has started the season off 0-2. (That statistic was according to one anonymous bystander who could be heard joyfully saying “If FK loses to the Gremlins it’ll be a bigger upset than us losing to What the Puck!!!”).  Even more reason for them to light a fire under their butts and give a beat-down to the Biters.

The Biters beat Mega without Probie- who honestly may never come back now that UVA has won march madness. Assuming he stops celebrating and returns in time for Sunday, they’ll have the upper hand in this game, although it’s important to note that they’re a team with a solid core of longstanding players that makes for good team chemistry with or without the only Wahoo fan in the entire league (can you tell I’m bitter about my bracket?).

Prediction: When it rains, it pours. FK loses to the Biters 4-1.

Poutine Machine at Sky Fighters

By Richiehero

The Poo got reamed out by Hicks for ref abusing his future sister-in-law last Sunday. This Sunday, the Sky Fighters plan to ream them out for poaching all of their good players! (anyone get that subtle dig at Carlin?)

But fear not Sky Fighter fan, it appears the good players have been replenished. According to Frey, “Sky Fighters are better than I thought. They were really fast, much faster than us. Did you hear about that 90% fat Asian man that Gabe is dating? No, no, no, it’s ok Rich. I can make Asian jokes because I tell people that my Mom is Asian.”

Prediction: Could moderately good Jake lead the Fighters to their first victory this season? No. He is more of a dependable guy who can help them win, but lead? That’s for closers like Sully, Sweet Baby James and JoJo. It will get better for the Fighters, but not this Sunday. It gets worse, 3-0 Poutine.

LBS, Inc. at Filthier

By Richiehero

Our first death threat of the season has come and gone, and it appears James P. is still with us. Not one to take chances, James wife, “The Annimal” has replaced James bright red gloves with black Mylec’s.

Ann-i-mal! Ann-i-mal! Ann-i-mal!

Meanwhile the Lbs., seem to be firing on all cylinders. After giving up 2 goals to start the season to Cobra Kai, they haven’t let up one since.

Prediction: While replacing the bright red gloves will ensure James safety, it won’t hide him from Alex’s team email, ordering them to cover James. The Lbs. will still focus on him and Dole another defeat to Filthier. The final will be 2-1.

Dark Weirdos at Denim Demons

By Richiehero

While Probie vs. Cro is the league’s best personal rivalry, and the Rehabs vs. Fuzz is the best team rivalry, the two teams battling for League Sweethearts square off in this classic BTSH battle.

Before I go on, Cat would like to remind you that for only $23.80 you can buy 1969 New York Mets World Series Champion Art Shamsky’s best selling book. Ron Darling doesn’t call Lenny Dykstra a racist in this one so that’s good.

Ugh. He really is everywhere…

Anyways, Ryann is picking the Rainbows in her Survivor pool. Ryann claimed sexism that she wasn’t invited, even though Alex publicly invited the whole league on the Facebook group. Perhaps Alex should have put in some pictures?

Prediction: I told Ryann I think she’s foolish for picking the Rainbows. It’s not that I don’t think the Rainbows will win, because I do, I just wanted to fuck with her and make her pick the Demons so she would be eliminated. I guess I’ll never be League Sweetheart.

And now a PSA from Isaac:

Akhil’s dad is playing this week, and one of Gut Rot’s girls is playing in net.

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