Sky Fighters at Mathematics
Apparently, what the Sky Fighters needed to figure things out was a brunch date with Gut Rot. They got into a fine rhythm with crisp passing and peppering the net. Side note: to their new embarrassment of riches are the talents of Carlin’s hockey buddy, Sean. (Actual tears were shed over Karma’s loss)
The last thing Math needs right now is to run into the goal scoring juggernaut of Mia and the Sky Fighters. They finally found their footing last week, but now we hear that Sam has ventured out to the Northwest to work on his mustache game. Shawn, Amy and Perras are going to have their hands full with this one. Good luck Mets.
Prediction: A competitive, low scoring affair with Dave stealing a W for Math, 3-1.
Corlears Hooker at Gouging Anklebiters
Hell yeah, Christmas came in April. Last Sunday we were treated to a thrilling battle between two BTSH heavyweights and now this week we get a rematch of last year’s incredible playoff game.
We all know that Probie and the Biters have been on an effing tear so far this season as their core players grab all the headlines and light up the scoresheet. But what has been the catalyst to their success is the hard work put in by their unsung heroes, Carrie (ROY ‘17) and Amy.
All we know about the Hookers is that they could use a proper washing and each week tends to be unpredictable. Recent scuttlebutt from their headquarters above Fish Market is that a reshuffling of the lines could be in the cards.
(Shameless plug: Fish Market will also be hosting the Rose Charities Tournament after party with drink and food specials with several raffles for great prizes.)
Prediction: A tight game that doesn’t disappoint the fans will but end up disappointing the Hookers, 4-2.
Butchers at Rehabs
Damn. Life for the Butchers just keeps on being the dumpster fire that just won’t go out. The fact that they have one of the hardest schedules this season almost surely means they are not catching a break until possibly the playoff play-in game. Sheesh.
Bryan and Sena are too familiar with difficult schedules as they have had a target painted on their collective backs for the past two plus seasons. The Rehabs jersey has become a heavy one to wear, but they didn’t make it to three straight finals appearances just “because”
Prediction: Rehabs get back on track with goals coming from likely sources and hand the Butchers another defeat, 5-2.
Gremlins at Mega Touch
After Filthier beat the Gremlins last week the normally happy JW was inconsolable. Marcella looked like she hated the world just like Romeo hates paying for his own baby. I was proud of both of them. Losing should suck. It was the exact opposite for Mega…as they high-fived each other heartedly when they barely lost to Fuzz. But I was proud of them too, as they were tied late and showed they can literally beat anyone on Any Given Sunday.
The Gremlins are led by Erich who may be a top 5 or 10 player in this league. Alex and Tim are roommates who actually use smelling salts before each game. Has anyone told them this is BTSH? Cho and Busch are tough defenders though Busch has pissed off many fashionistas by wearing jeans when playing. Maire and Marcella score more goals than most female tandems.
Over on Mega…Julie has my early vote for captain of the year. After losing Brady and Cheeky several of us (hand up) thought this was going to be a long year for them. But after playing them, this is what I noticed. Hansen, who I think has been in the league since day 1, runs after every loose ball. The two Jeff’s and Matt J. come right at you at full speed when they have the ball. New girl Mary Mary Mega has played very little hockey but is like a mini (though taller) Luisa and just runs all day. Though he’s a terrible ref, Hall of Famer Alex E. M. is better than you thought. Shelly looks like Nadia, but plays like Tiffany. And if all else fails, Nadia’s husband Mike T. can bail his team out if need be. In other words, if you beat Mega, you are going to have to earn it. And they will get their share of W’s this year.
Prediction: I’m reffing this game so I can’t give a prediction. It would be a conflict of interest. But if I wasn’t reffing, I’d say the Gremmies skill barely outshines Mega’s hustle, 3-2.
What the Puck at Gut Rot
By Arya Stark
Two teams from the Southeast Division (division names were clearly the martyr that had to be sacrificed for a badass stats page) square off Sunday afternoon as Gut Rot will attempt to get their asses out of whatever bar or strip club they wake up at and play a game of street hockey before promptly returning to said bar or strip club with a fresh set of singles loaded into their team cash cannons. A association of friendly and generally very sexy professional drunks who occasionally play some hockey, they will roll into Sunday’s contest coming off a 10-1 drubbing at the hands of the Sky Fighters, who had just the previous week been shellacked by the Biters 9-1. Using a totally mathematically unsound formula that I just came up with, the Biters should be theoretically scoring 90x as many goals as Gut Rot. Perhaps it’s for the best then that the two don’t play this season so Probie can quit embarrassing this league by committing the unforgivable sin of being good at hockey. In any case, Gut Rot will face stiff competition from the surprisingly winless What The Puck (henceforth known as “Ball Hogg’s Baltimore Ball Hockey Ballers”). The Ballers were shutout by Karma and dropped a tough one to Math 5-3 last week as Sarah and her bionic hip looked on (or was that her Thrones-style sister-wife Cheeky?). With two of their next three matchups against Cobra Kai and the Rehabs, it’s imperative for Emily’s Puckers to start picking up points if their dreams of promotion from the Southeast Division to the other Southeast Division (not to be confused with the other two Southeast Divisions) are to come true.
Prediction: WTP does some crazy shit on the stripper pole and picks up their first win of the season 4-1. Morgen is even more excited than the time I showed her this music video and she almost lost her mind.