GAME OF THE WEEK

Filthy Gorgeous (1-1-0) at Happy Little Elves(0-2-0)

Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM

Game Notes:It ain’t easy being green. Just ask the Elves who’ve lost in a shootout two games in a row. Most blame the losses on goalie Sean DeLacey who has complained that the lack of the omnipresent shadow thrown off by Ben Chadwick has affected his sensitivity to light. DeLacey has vowed to play this week’s game in vintage 80’s Ray Bans that teammate Gil Valdes used in the early ’80s when he was the world’s highest paid Tom Cruise impersonator.Meanwhile, the Filthy’s are at .500 and team Captain Monica Russo is starting to question the wisdom of a seven player bench. “Matt Novick was complaining about playing time during our last game,” she explained. “But I still want the other team to feel like we’ve got a full roster. So we’re going to try some different things.” Does this explain why your infamous “box of wigs” is missing from our second bedroom, Monica? Look for scoring threats James Perriera and Dana Kravis to go through multiple :Lady GaGa like costume changes during this game.

Keys To The Game:
1. Can Rich Glanzer stay focused on hockey. Or will he spend his time on the sidelines lining up numerous skeeball bets instead of coaching?
2. Suvin Malik and Sunny Mehra have grown tired of the Lawrence Fishburne-Samuel L. Jackson identity confusion that has haunted them in recent seasons. Will Mehra’s decision to get a full face tattoo similar to Mike Tyson’s make him more recognizable and result in increased attention from the Elves defenders?
3. Rumor has it that new co-captain Jenna Cruff is campaigning to change the team name to the “Good looking but weirdly asexual like in LORD OF THE RINGS” Elves. Glanzer has sworn that this agression will not stand. How will the rest of the Elves locker room respond.

Patrick’s Pick: Look for a third shootout loss by the Elves. They’re defense can shut down the FG offense during regulation and Filthy’s short bench makes them prone to giving up late goals. But in the end, FG has the guns to take it in extra innings.
Watchability: 4.0 Chers

Cobra Kai at Gouging Anklebiters

Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM

Game Keys: The dojo are also looking for their first win of the season. And after an impressive season opener, the Anklebiters cooled down a little last week. They also don’t do well in early morning games (yes 1 pm is early morning for the Anklebiters). Cobra Kai have a cool cobra on their shirts. Anklebiters have a cool bulldog on their uniforms. Wouldn’t that be a cool Adult Swim show? Cobra vs. Bulldog? I could see staying up late at night watching a Cobra vs. Bulldog marathon. Then realizing it was 6 am and I had a game in seven hours. Unfortunately, most of the Anklebiters have similar thought processes. So this may be Cobra Kai’s week.

Denim Demons at Corlears Hookers

Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM

Game Keys: The Hookers are currently steamrolling opponents while the Demons are shaping up nicely after a tough opening week loss. But are the Devil Worshippers ready for a challenge like the machine that is the Hookers? Sorry Adam but the answer is probably no. Don’t worry though. The Hookers have made the fatal decision of making a goalie their captain. And while we have nothing but love for Dustin “Merlin” Olson this latest development makes the Hookers look more and more like the Vancouver Canucks (the Kearney brothers already eerily resemble the Sedins). So even if the Demons lose this regular season game, they can draw solace in the fact that the Hookers will probably have an epic collapse in the playoffs (Of course, if the Canucks win this year, this whole theory goes out the window).

What The Puck at Rehabs

Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM

Game Keys: MDF is back! Those three words should throw fear into an otherwise confident WTP team. Buoyed by their recent successes and the Mets’ unlikely strong start, Larry’s Kids were feeling like world beaters until they heard that Danberg-Ficharelli had returned form her secret a martial arts training in Southeast Asia. When we asked her how she had improved her game, Meredith metioned something about a “Flying Dragon slays tiger” shot that she had been working on. We’re not sure if it’s BTSH legal but it is going to make things a lot tougher for the Orangemen this week. larry will need all his proud parents to show up if he wants to defeat a newly dangerous team in black. BTW Rehabs suck.

Butchers at Gremlins

Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM

Game Keys: Rachel Greene is back! While she tends to inspire hugs more than the furtive stares that her travel companion/bodyguard MDF does, Greene is the heart and soul of a Butchers team that has performed well in her absence but lacked its characteristic joie de vivre (of course that may also be due to the fact that Ben Bloom crossed three time zones to play in their last game). The Gremlins upset Poutine Machine two weeks ago with a tenacious D that will make things tough for the Butcher goal scorers. But they’ll have to be perfect to shut down Bloom and Revechkis and a Meatpackers squad that is famous for late goals in tight games. If they’re not, don’t be surprised to hear Georgine “the Animal” Poulin asking “I wonder what Gremlin meat tastes like?”

La Famiglia at Mathematics

Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: On paper these teams have had almost equal starts. But statistics don’t tell the whole story. La Famiglia are under pressure to prove that their Cinderella season last year was no fluke. Team Captain Dave Ladanyi’s repeated threats of leg breakings and “trips to the Pine Barrens” may be working short term but we wonder how long he can keep his crew in line. Meanwhile, Mathematics are approaching the season like tenured professors, comfortable where they are but still capable of a few surprises. Math put a scare in to the Butchers last week and almost stole a game from them. Don’t be surprised to see them put in a similar performance against the Gofathers (and maybe even grab a W)

Gut Rot at LBS, Inc.

Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: Gut Rot have improved their talent base tremendously this season. But now they come up against a real test. Lbs. have been impressive in their first two games and that’s without their traditional 1-2 scoring punch of Ken and Karsten. Meanwhile Peaches and Tommy return to the team they built but have not really gelled with (at least on the court) this season. How will their addition affect team chemistry? Altering chemistry is something Jeff “Rambo” Hendricks is famous for and as BTSH tradionalists we were excited to hear that he is offering to make one female Lbs. player the “Molly” this Sunday morning. The lucky recipient will be taken out for a sumptuous brunch by Peaches complete with all the mimosas they can drink. They will then be invited to vomit on the sidelines before the second half of the game, restoring a ritual that used to be a staple when these two clubs met. Kudos to Jeff for respecting league history.

Dark Rainbows at Fresh Kills

Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM

Game Keys:If the theme of the week is steamrollers then there are none bigger and badder than Fresh Kills right now. Sokol and squad have picked up where they left off last season, outplaying good clubs and looking like the ’80s Soviet teams on which Dave has patterned his squad. All seems good in the United Socialist Republic of Kills. But here come the Rainbows with their tie dye shirts, headbands and groovy chicks. You can almost see the cracks starting to form in the Kills tightly run regime. Will peace an love be more attractive than the ruthless pursuit of perfection for the FKers? Will Abby Meisterman’s suggestion that the teams replace the game with a series of group hugs gain traction? Sean Reynolds may have finally found the key to beating the leagues reigning champions. Rock and Roll and cheap Levis.

Poutine Machine at Sky Fighters

Location: Tompkins West 4:30 PM

Game Keys: Screw editorial integrity. Poutine rules, Skyfighters drool.

Mega Touch at Tompkins Square Riots

Location: Tompkins East 5:30 PM

Game Keys: How seriously are the Riots taking this season? Team captain Amy Jones was seen running … yes, running … in an organized race in Central Park last Saturday morning.WTF? This is not your 2011 Riots squad. They seem to be able to score at will and  goalie Mike “the Littlest Goalie” Tuckman has got his work cut out for him. But Megatouch captain Julie Katz is employing a unique coaching strategy this week, a modified seder plate that teaches the history of Megatouch and the basics of the left wing lock. The horseradish stands for the bitterness of defeat. If she can effectively get the lesson across to the emnschs on her team, it may be the Riots who ask “Why is this game unlike any other game?”