Week 3 News and Notes

Surprise!  Tim’s The First Star Of The Week

Three Stars of the Week

Third Star: Rachel “A-Korn” Greene, Butchers.  In just her first year of organizing the event, Greene ran the highly successful 2011 Rose Charities Street Hockey Tournament.  We’re hoping she continues her efforts next season.
Second Star: Dan Hopper, Sky Fighters.  The Sky Fighters’ Yinzer captain nearly recorded his first ever hat trick en route to his team’s 4-1 win against Gut Rot.  Hopper finished with two goals in the game after already tallying one earlier in the day during his Mofo game.  He celebrated the feat with an I.C. Light.
First Star: Tim Brown, Poutine Machine.  In what may be the upset of the season to date, Brown shut out last year’s regular season champions, the Denim Demons.  This came just a day after he was the winning goalie in the finals of the Rose Charities Street Hockey Tournament (despite the notable handicap of having Rich Glanzer on his defense).

Shaun deLacy GAA Watch

This year, due to a series of stupid bets made by Happy Little Elves goalie Shaun deLacy, the media will track his goals against average over the course of the regular season.

Goals Allowed This Week: 4 (vs. What The Puck)
Goals Allowed Previously: 7
Games Played: 3
Goals Against Average: 3.67
Next Opponent: Mega Touch (2.33 goals per game)

For the second straight week, Shaun allowed four goals, putting him even deeper behind in his quest for a 2.0 GAA.    This week, he’ll face Mega Touch in the Hockey Night in Tompkins regional telecast.  Mega Touch is led by Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta, who has three goals on the season, and the rest of of the Matzo-Masala-Marinara line (Harvey Jaswal and Julie Katz).

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Julie Katz
Team: Mega Touch
Suggested Nickname: Jewels
Rejected Nicknames: Thunder, Girl Devlin, Mega-tron, J-Kat
Origin: Silver Spring, MD
College: Vassar College
Quote: “Pick me!  Pick me!”
First Job: Hostess at the Ruby Tuesday in downtown Silver Spring
Current Job: Legal & Business Affairs at A&E Television Networks
Early Accomplishments: She was the first student in her fourth grade class to get the permission slip signed for the field trip to the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History.
Current Accomplishments: Becoming Mega Touch captain after playing only half a season for the team
Hero: Dog the Bounty Hunter
Reason to Love Her: Her positive attitude and cheery disposition.
Reason to Hate Her: She arrogantly drafted herself for her fantasy BTSH team.  She also picked her linemate Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta and is thinking of adding her other linemate Harvey Jaswal.
Best Known For: Being the only person who is excited to attend captains meetings
Fast Fact: Julie was unaware that the sport of hockey existed until 2008.
Favorite Things: Washington Redskins, chatting on Facebook, hugs, mussels marinara
Favorite WWE Superstar: The Rock
Least Favorite Things: Dan Snyder, mean people, plagiarism, days without hockey
Hockey Comparison: Brooks Laich
Non-Hockey Comparison: William “Buddy” Hobbs from Elf
Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Her: She comprises one third of the Matzo-Masala-Marinara line.  Guess which third.
Down the Road: Julie defeats Rich Glanzer in a game of skeeball at Ace Bar.  However, due to some spelling confusion, Glanzer maintains he is still undefeated against girls at “skeetball.”

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8 Responses to “Week 3 News and Notes”

  1. HockeyRich says:

    Undisputed and undefeated champion. Ask Michelle if I’ve ever lost to a chick at Skeetball. Wont happen. But because you bashed my defensive “abilities” in the charity event, I am continuing my Media Boycott. You better say something nice about me tomorrow.

  2. bwayblues79 says:

    Rich, how do you have the energy to post so many comments? You’re like this on Facebook too … my comment’s barely posted and I’m getting an alert that you’ve replied.

    Another championship under the belt with the charity tournament too, huh? Guess it’s a good year to be Glanzer.

  3. jewelskatz says:

    Actually, I picked up Harvey this week. Full Mega line! And I do love hugs, that was spot on! 350 in SKEEBALL, suck it Rich!

  4. joetinky says:

    It’s obvious that you folks airbrushed those orange balls in the net behind deLacy. Shaun, don’t let the turkeys get you down. Just square up and stare down those shooters. Give those screeners a little love tap. I got your back (except on Demon Day; we need a W, bad). — joetinky

  5. shaunaldinho says:

    Much love, my friend. I’ll never let these turkeys get me down!

    Although, I like to call the love tap I give the screeners the Kidney Gauge™.

  6. shaunaldinho says:


    Kidney Gouge™. The Kidney Gauge™ is the tool I developed for medical professionals to determine the severity of a Kidney Gouge&#153 delivered to any particular screener.

  7. shaunaldinho says:

    Kidney Gouge™!

    I forgot the damn semicolon. &#reg;

  8. the chairman says:

    I think you should maintain a separate GAA for Shaun in games with The Chairman in the lineup. So far I have only played in 1 (4 goals were allowed, of which 1 goal was scored while I was on the ice (by which I mean the tarmac)). Shaun should not be considered responsible for the goals scored while the team’s star rover is on IR. Although by that criteria he’d still have a 4 GAA.

    Sigh, my absence is killing Shaun and my fantasy owners. And that’s what really matters.

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