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Week 20 News and Notes

The Alpha Male Is Probably Winning The Assists Race

Trophy

With just two weeks remaining in the regular season, the race for the 2009 BTSH scoring title is nearing a conclusion.  Here are the top contenders for this coveted honor, which guarantees one pull from the Mystery Box at the end of season awards ceremony:

5. Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, Sky Fighters (18 goals): As the only defenseman in the top five, Martin is a bit of a dark horse in the scoring race.  He will have a good opportunity to catch up this weekend when he faces Mexican Standoff, a team that is second to last in goals allowed.  However, the Sky Fighters end the season against the Unicorns and the solid goaltending of Craig “Ug” LaCombe.  Odds of winning: 50-1.

4. “Gentleman” James Pereira, Filthy Gorgeous (18 goals): James will have to score nine goals just to tie the league leader, but he may have an outside shot given his team’s remaining games.  This Sunday, he faces the Tuques, who have allowed 15 goals in their last three games, and he closes the season against Mega Touch, who have allowed the third most goals in BTSH.  Odds of winning: 40-1.

3. Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta, What The Puck (20 goals): If not for a severe ankle injury in the middle of the season, Adriano would be towards the top of (if not leading) the pack.  Unfortunately, after missing several games, the defending scoring champion still has a lot of ground to cover.  What The Puck finishes the season against the Happy Little Elves and Mathematics, two teams with losing records, so catching up is not an impossibility.  Odds of winning: 25-1.

2. Jason Eitel, Corlears Hookers (21 goals): Despite putting up five goals against Mexican Standoff in week 17, Jason has not found the back of the net in the Hookers’ last three games.  The biggest factor in his favor is that he may have a game in hand on most of his competitors.  The Corlears Hookers are still negotiating with LBS, Inc. to reschedule their game from week 18.  Odds of winning: 15-1.

1. Karsten Pichon, LBS, Inc. (27 goals): The scoring race is clearly Karsten’s to lose.  He has a six-goal cushion on his nearest competitor and, like Eitel, may also have a third game remaining.  If Eitel does manage to close the gap, this elusive makeup game could be very instrumental in deciding the scoring champion.  Odds of winning: 1-3.

This Is Clearly The Biggest Win In Elves History

Hockey Rich

Congratulations to Rich Glanzer of the Happy Little Elves for winning the second BTSH Media Survivor Pool. Over the course of nine grueling weeks, he managed to outlast 18 of BTSH’s most prescient and notorious individuals. Here is Rich’s formula for success:

Week 12: Dark Rainbows defeat Cobra Kai, 5-2
Week 13: LBS, Inc. defeats Mighty Squirrels, 6-3
Week 14: Corlears Hookers defeat Mathematics, 5-1
Week 15: What The Puck defeats Mega Touch, 10-2
Week 16: Filthy Gorgeous defeats Mathematics, 5-2
Week 17: Rehabs defeat Mighty Squirrels, 4-3
Week 18: Sky Fighters defeat Mathematics, 4-3
Week 19: Happy Little Elves defeat Sky Fighters, 3-1
Week 20: Fresh Kills defeats Mighty Squirrels, 2-0

Rich’s boldest pick was in week 19, when he selected his own Happy Little Elves to defeat a talented Sky Fighters squad. Until that point, every competitor in either incarnation of the survivor pool who had picked the Elves was eliminated by that very pick. Unlike the inaugural winner, Abby Meisterman, whose picks jumped all over the standings, Rich clearly had a plan to select the top teams in the early weeks before worrying about making tough calls later.  As the winner of this competition, Rich is entitled to write a post for btsh.org on any topic he chooses.  The media will reluctantly publish it.

Know Your Neighbor

Devlin

Name: Eric Devlin
Team: Mega Touch
Suggested Nickname: The Devlin Wears Prada
Rejected Nicknames: The Devlined Egg, The Devlin is in the Details, The Devlin Went Down to Georgia, Co-op
Origin: Everett, MA
College: Massachusetts College of Art
Early Aspirations: To genetically mutate himself into a superhero
First Job: Retirement Accounts Specialist at John Hancock Financial Network
Current Job: Graduate Student at Fashion Institute of Technology
Hero: Phil Kessel David Krejci
Reason to Love Him: He has a nifty pair of hipster glasses.
Reason to Hate Him: His poor planning and negligence delayed the Big Dig for several years and caused it to go way over budget.
Fast Fact: Eric’s hometown was originally known as Grogan but was changed to Everett in 1999 in honor of former Rams and Saints quarterback, Jim Everett.
Favorite Things: Boston Bruins, rotaries, bicameral legislatures, Kelly’s Roast Beef
Favorite Comic Book Character:  Biclops
Least Favorite Things: Montreal Canadians, DC meetings, the South Shore, gratuitous violence
Best Known For: His colorful arm tattoos
Hockey Comparison: Shane Doan
Non-Hockey Comparison: Erik the Red
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him: His extreme disapproval of the media’s watchability ratings
Down the Road: Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher reads this profile and observes that Eric does not like DC meetings.  Schuie becomes infuriated at this revelation and attempts to suspend Eric for “insubordination”.  Ironically, this forces Eric to attend and sit through yet another DC meeting…his own.  In the end, he is not suspended, as it is revealed that everyone in attendance does not like the meetings, except for Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens.

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