Dark Rainbows at Corlears Hookers

The courageous Dark Rainbows’ redemption tour trudges on into the land of the deplorable Hookers.  Armed with their keen wit, sharp elbows, kazoos and eye-bleeding bright jerseys the Candy Corn machine fears no Cro.  After their first taste of BTSH the new blood K-Chang with a C (we’re only guessing because a certain someone doesn’t answer emails), dog loving Jessie D and Josh Wags are thirsty for more.

After last week’s (errr… two weeks ago) forgettable opening day the Hookers are out for a little redemption of their own.  They looked a little discombobulated in their 6-1 shellacking and Sarah has promised a more salty performance.  Hmmm…. We shall see.

Prediction: Hopefully the third time (Week 3) will be a charm for Tia and her crew, because Tiffany gets busy and Week 2 goes to the Purple People Eaters, 5-1.

What the Puck at Mathematics

The Orange Crush and October Saddening both had trouble finding the back of their opponent’s net in Week 1, but we expect this match-up to be a high scoring affair.  With Sarah is still rehabbing from a bionic hip upgrade, Math will be cycling replica cyborgs in each line with the intent to cause havoc.   And with Sam and Bradley back in mix for Math the Puck’s dependable D of Noah, Emily and Eric will have their hands full….  Ah, but we shouldn’t forget about the blistering fierce rage of Susie and Aisling, whose shared mutant power is retribution.   (Note to Math: stay on their good side.)

Prediction: A high scoring affair it is as Math narrowly eeks out a victory, 2-1.

Tompkins Square Riots at Gouging Anklebiters

There’s a lot to like about what the Riots did in the off-season with their squad.  Not only did they convince Sharif to come back, but they also brought on some new players with old-school BTSH values.  And with Joe already in mid-season scoring form this is going to be a team to keep an eye on.

Speaking of teams to keep an eye on, or better yet watch out for, are the Anklebiters.  They came storming out of the gate in Week 1 and looked like one of the hungriest teams in the league.  The reigning Captain of the Year, Phil, did some minor tinkering with the squad and placing Joe P back on defense already looks like a brilliant move.  (#whereisworky)

Prediction: Diana is dragged off the court again, but her Biters get the job done in another booooo-worthy performance, 6-1.

Sky Fighters at Gut Rot

‘Big things have small beginnings’ – said a fictional android from the future that was hell-bent on playing God.  Well, Caroline might not be interested in playing that role, but as captain she understands that rebuilds have growing pains.  It is going to take some time for Jake, Mia and Greg to gel with their new teammates, but we’re confident that they’ve got the chops to mentor raw talent.

Oh, Gut Rot, it will take more than borrowing Mary Mary Mega Touch to have a fighter’s chance in this one.  But we like what we’ve seen from your disorderly bunch here or there over the past 13 months and are confident that you’ll show . . . up on time.  Having said that, just feed Akhil and Heather the ball like we did drinks at our last Prom.

Prediction: That new Sky Fighter is those hot lime shorts gets his team on the scoreboard first, but with Ed pulled Ramon forces OT with Gut Rot prevailing again in a shootout, 3-2.

Butchers at Poutine Machine
By Richiehero

Some Russian friend I know got me into each teams game email chain and here is what was said.

Butchers Emails: 

Georgine: Guys, I want a clean game this week. Remember, BTSH is fun and we’re just chasing a silly orange ball so if Poutine does anything, let’s turn the other cheek. If you feel the need to say anything, try to say, “I feel” instead of using absolutes. For instance, you can tell Jerome, “When you celebrate after making a nice inbound pass, I feel you are disrespecting the game” rather than just saying, “You are disrespecting the game.”

Tarzan (MDF’s brother): Tarzan going to fuck a Poutine up. Me like hitting. Also weather too cold to use orange ball, we use pink!

MDF: I knew I should have recruited one of my other 5 brothers on this team.

David St.J: Why doesn’t the media ever talk about me? I’m so fast. I’m really good. Is it because I secretly listen to Taylor Swift? I can’t help it, her music moves me!

Matt Della: Shut up David. I’m even better than you and I’ve never been mentioned.

Rachel G.: Guys let’s stick to the game. Dependable just beat Poutine’s team in Moffo. I scored, I scored, I scored!!! Hey Burke, you traitor, you play for Poutine’s Moffo team. Remember when I scored off you?

Burke: (Keeps Rachel’s name on list.)

Poutine Emails:

BSA: OK guys, we got a tough one this week. The Butchers are our biggest rivals. Normally I only send 2 selfies to you, but this week, I’m sending 3!

BSA: Do you guys like the selfies I sent? Why hasn’t anyone replied?

BSA: Is this like the thing in baseball when someone hits a home run and no one congratulates him and then everyone mobs him? 

Jo-Ann: I miss Sven.

Prediction: Take the under. No way are 5 goals scored in this game. It almost definitely will be 2-1. I predicted Poutine to beat the Butchers in the playoffs last year, but this Sunday I’m going with the Butchers 2-1. Mike M. scores for Poutine, Tarzan and David score for Butchers. Charlotte continues her streak of never scoring in BTSH.