Another protip: a generic image can get you out of a tight jam.

Another protip: a generic image can get you out of a tight jam.

Here’s a little protip: if you ever suggest a potential Game of the Week to Richie, there’s a good chance he’s going to make you write about it. Of course, on paper, the Riots/Rainbows matchup is an ideal candidate for this prestigious distinction. It’s one of only three divisional games this weekend, which should theoretically make it one of the closest contests of the day. Plus, with Cobra Kai, Gut Rot, and Mega Touch all facing squads in higher divisions, it’s highly possible for either the Riots or Rainbows to be in sole possession of first place of the Greene Division with a 1-0 record. Finally, let’s be honest, the Riots and Rainbows both have potential to be somewhat irrelevant by mid-season (no offense), so we may as well discuss them while we can.  So here we are.

Can't get mad at Derk. He said no offense.

Can’t get mad at Derk. He said no offense.

GOTW: Tompkins Square Riots at Dark Rainbows

by Derek Tagliarino

Keys for the Riots:
Believe it or not, the Riots actually won this division in 2010 with more or less the same squad that they have now*. If they can recapture whatever swag they had four years ago, there’s absolutely no reason to think they can’t do it again. They all play ice together in the offseason, so the chemistry is obviously there, and the addition of wily veteran Suz should give Patrik Blohmé, Alex Frenette, and the rest of the offense a much needed boost. So crank up the Taio Cruz and “California Gurls”-era Katy Perry, and let’s bring this bitch back to 2010.

*Granted, they finished last in the Donohue Division the very next season, which is why they’re back, but that’s besides the point.

16 year old Biebs says 2010 was longer ago than you think.

16 year old Biebs says a lot has changed since  2010.

Keys for the Rainbows:
The Rainbows were the Gretchen Weiners of this division last season, remaining in second place for virtually the entire season. However, with the Mathematics gone, the title of Queen Bee of the Greene Division is up for grabs. For the Rainbows to do that, they’ll need to get their women involved a lot more this season. Of course, Josh Wilson, Sean Reynolds, Mike Dudelovitch, and Bryan Harris will all get their flavor, and Ariel Kipnis is so fetch between the pipes, but do you know who led the Rainbow women in goals last season? It was a four way tie including Rebecca Norris and Julie Katz…with one goal. (Glanzer Note: Julie, who is moderately good-looking also scored one more goal for the Elves than I did. 1)

She's even wearing pink!  This analogy is flawless.

She’s even wearing pink! This analogy is flawless.

Both of these teams boast relatively solid offenses, so it’s going to come down to defense and goaltending in the end. I know we here at the Neo-ORG are all pretty high on Dave Gil De Rubio’s semi-final shutout (to the point that it’s a trope, only a few spots down from “rain fears” and “Jo-ann’s accent”), but in a one-game, must-win situation, I’d rather have Ariel on my team. That said, the Rainbows take this one, 3-1.
Rich’s Pick: Riots/Rainbows: Please buy Derk a beer for fighting for this to be GOTW2. Riots have the best players, Rainbows have a better team, 3-0 Rainbows
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows 4, Tompkins Square Riots 2

Other Games

by Eli Kazin

Poutine Machine at Gut Rot
Note to selves…Don’t give Gut Rot a Game of the Week. Bad things happen. Rain starts to fall. Mr. Met starts to make a lot of appearances. Sunday’s forecast calls for a cloudless Poutine-blue sky. Is that an omen for the game result? No, it isn’t. Gut Rot prevails, 3-1.

Mr. Met, in non-rainy, happier times!

Rich’s Pick: Glanzer Upset Special, Sven saves his job as Poutine wins 3-2.
Derek’s Pick: I’ll go with the Old Ball Coach on this one, Gut Rot 3-1.

Sky Fighters at La Famiglia
Sky Fighters captain Dan Hopper recently remarked to us that it seems like they play La Famiglia to open the season every year. So if you really want to blame someone for last week’s cancellation, blame Dan. Of course, if you confront him, he’ll likely respond with “I didn’t do it!” If we didn’t feature La Famiglia last week, this could have been a Game of the Week. I’ve got the Family taking a close one, 3-2.

Jenna claims she didn’t do it either, but she looks really guilty here.

Rich’s Pick:  I’m buying the hype. Tuques start off strong with 4-1 victory.
Derek’s Pick: New and improved La Famiglia look strong in its debut and take this one easily, 4-1 (damn, just realized I made the same prediction as Glanzer).

Mega Touch at Rehabs
The Rehabs have had a revolving door of goalies ever since Romeo went to What The Puck a few years ago. Rumors are circulating that their new goalie is none other than Hector “$h0wT!m3” Melendez. He’ll definitely bring some stability, because he’d never retire, right? Oh, scratch that. Mega upset this week, 4-2.
Rich’s Pick:  Mega cant handle the speed of the Rehabs, as the men in black win 4-3. Also, we are mentioning Romeo (36) a lot.
Derek’s Pick:
Rehabs 4, Mega Touch 3 (OT)

Gremlins at Corlears Hookers (Written by Glanzer) 
The women have taken over the Hookers as Noelle, Jackie and Tiffany are three-headed monster captains.

While Noelle, Jackie and Tiffany yuk it up, Anshu is simmering she didn't get her invite.

While Noelle, Jackie and Tiffany yuk it up, Anshu is simmering she didn’t get her invite.

Word on the street is Tiffany added some of her friends. I once put out my hand to her to say good game after they beat us, and she refused to shake any of the Elves hands for fear of our lack of talent was contagious. In other words, expect her friends to be some of the best players in the league and expect the poor Gremmies to get a little destroyed here. If Jamie plays well it ends 7-0. Jamie plays well.

Richie doesn’t like your chances of keeping this respectable, John.

Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers 4, Gremlins 1. Closer than last year’s Round of 16 game (won by Corlears 6-1), but still the same result.
Derek’s Pick:
Corlears Hookers 5, Gremlins 1

Filthy Gorgeous at Happy Little Elves
The Elves dominated the attendance at the rogue Brooklyn scrimmage that popped up after Sunday’s “rain fears” cancellations. However, Filthy had representation there as well, and we are sure that Dana filed detailed reports for Monica on the Elves’ strengths and weaknesses. Or not. It won’t matter anyway, as the Elves take it, 4-3.
Rich’s Pick: Filthy are a bunch of jerks, Elves 14- Filthy 0.
Derek’s Pick: Rich has been a jerk to me lately. 15-0 Filthy.
Rich’s New Pick: Elves 16, Filthy 0, Math (-1)

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