Julie Is The Jimmy Fallon Of BTSH Photos

GAME OF THE WEEK
Mega Touch (1-0) at Unicorns (1-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 9-4
Game Notes: Two teams with convincing wins last weekend face off in this Schumacher Conference battle.  Mega Touch looked sharp against the Gouging Anklebiters during the Hockey Night in Tompkins regional telecast, rolling to a 5-1 victory.  New addition Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta scored 30 seconds into the game, and his team never looked back.  Bratta finished with three goals and two assists, as he and his linemates Harvey Jaswal and Julie Katz dominated play and were on for all of the team’s goals.  This “Matzo-Masala-Marinara” line has invigorated Mega Touch and given the team high hopes for the remainder of the season.  The Unicorns also impressed in their playoff rematch against the Tompkins Square Riots.  The offense tallied six goals, led by Joe’s hat trick, while goalie Craig “Ug” LaCombe and the Uni’s defense shut out the normally potent Riots attack.  LaCombe gives most of the credit to his defenders, noting that only a handful of good shots got through to him.  Will Mega’s Matzo-Masala-Marinara line be able to break through this wall or will LaCombe and the Unicorns defense stifle another opponent?
Keys To The Game:
1. This is Mega Touch’s first ever Game of the Week.  Although captain Julie Katz is extremely eager to participate in the featured matchup, captain Eric Devlin is less enthusiastic.  How will the team handle the pressure of the big stage?
2. Unicorns rookie Luke tallied a goal during his team’s big win last Sunday.  He is just one of many offseason acquisitions that the Unicorns will rely on throughout the season.
3. As intense talks over the direction of the goaltenders’ union continue to heat up, this game will feature two of the principals of these discussions.  Mega Touch’s Mike Tuckman has vehemently opposed the creation of the union calling it “stupid and pointless.”  LaCombe, on the other hand, inexplicably seems to think the union’s founders Peter Lang and $howT!m3 may have been on to something…which would be a first.
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns.  This game will likely mimic the above photo.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns.  Mega Touch has clearly improved, but the Unicorns still have a little more talent right now.
Watchability: 3.5 Devlins.  Eric’s been clamoring to have the watchability scale named after him for a while now.

Butchers (1-0) at Mathematics (0-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Butchers lead 1-0
Game Notes: This game will feature the two finalists from the 2010 Sharif Corinaldi Memorial Hot Legs Competition: the Mathematics’ Mike Smith and the Butchers’ Ellen M.  The Mathematics will seek revenge for their comrade Mike, who lost to Ellen in an extremely controversial decision by host Phil “Sandy” Donohue.
Watchability: 2.5 Devlins.  If current temperatures hold, we may not be able to see their legs.

Tompkins Square Riots (0-1) at Happy Little Elves (0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Riots and Elves both had disappointing results last weekend, as they both enter this contest 0-1.  The Riots were shutout 6-0 by the Unicorns, while the Elves fell to the Corlears Hookers 4-1.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves
Watchability: 3 Devlins.  The Elves tend to struggle when both media members pick them.

Rehabs (0-1) at Cobra Kai (0-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 5-1
Game Notes: Rehabs captain Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli has been spending the last week baking an assortment of pies, as she plans to throw one in the face of former teammate and current Cobra Kai player, Anita Khar.  So far, she has made the following flavors: apple, cherry, boysenberry, Boston cream, lemon meringue, pecan, strawberry rhubarb, pumpkin, sugarless blueberry, and shepherds pie.  Although she is not sure which she will throw into Khar’s face, Danberg-Ficarelli is currently leaning towards Boston cream.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs.  Rob Blandi has already eaten the pecan pie.
Derek’s Pick: Cobra Kai.  Much like Popeye’s spinach, pie only makes Anita stronger.
Watchability: 3.5 Devlins

Poutine Machine (0-0-1) at Gouging Anklebiters (0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Poutine Machine leads 1-0
Game Notes: Both of these teams opened with divisional matchups last weekend.  Poutine Machine tied the Mathematics, while the Gouging Anklebiters fell to Mega Touch.
Eli’s Pick: Poutine Machine.  Goalie Tim Brown looked impressive last week.
Derek’s Pick: Poutine Machine
Watchability: 2 Devlins

La Famiglia (0-0-1) at Filthy Gorgeous (1-0)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 6-1
Game Notes: La Famiglia captain Dave Ladanyi finds Filthy Gorgeous’ v-neck t-shirts to be a disgrace to BTSH, as they do not represent the “Golden Age” of the league, when teams wore “appropriate attire.”
Eli’s Pick: No pick. Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  The offense didn’t miss a beat last Sunday, even with “Gentleman” James Pereira on the DL.
Watchability: 3 Devlins

LBS, Inc. (0-1) at Sky Fighters (0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 8-5
Game Notes: Both teams suffered disappointing losses last week.  LBS, Inc. fell to the Denim Demons 6-3, while the Sky Fighers were shutout by the Dark Rainbows 4-0.  Both will look to rebound in this Hackett Division tilt.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  They had the early game last weekend and looked awful.  Luckily for them, this game is much later in the day.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Watchability: 3.5 Devlins

Gut Rot (0-1) at What The Puck (0-0-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Gut Rot leads 1-0
Game Notes: These teams last met in the opening round of the 2010 playoffs when Gut Rot stunned What The Puck with a shootout victory.  Tom led the way for Gut Rot, as he tallied three goals and converted the only successful shootout attempt of the game.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck
Watchability: 3 Devlins. With Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer away for the weekend, Michelle Doucet makes her debut as WTP captain.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Denim Demons (1-0) at Corlears Hookers (1-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 4-2
Game Notes: An early season throwdown between two of the league’s powerhouse franchises. Both squads have been stewing all winter over painful playoff exits (the Perennial Bridesmaid Hookers falling to the Elves in the finals and the top-seeded Demons getting blindsided up by the upstart Butchers), and both have come out of the gate breathing fire, scoring 10 goals between them in Week 1. Demons all-star goalie Aaron “Coach” Pagdon spent the offseason touring the Canadian Rockies on his 1988 Honda Goldwing, riding that lonesome highway with the wind in his hair and the Eagles’ “Take it Easy” on the tape deck. The three goals he gave up in Week 1 do not bode well for his focus, however, and things don’t get any smoother this week as he will face a relentless Hookers offense.
Vegas Line: Hookers by 1
Jesse the Greek says: Lay the point in what should be a shootout. Hookers are focused and grumpy.
Watchability: 4 mix tapes

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Fresh Kills (1-0) at Dark Rainbows (1-0)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 6-4
Game Notes: The Dark Rainbows are an enigmatic bunch.Their unorthodox training methods have been called into question by some, but you can’t argue with being contenders every year and a league title under their belts. This off season’s 3rd Place finish in the North American Haiku Championships speak to a team unity not seen among many other BTSH franchises, and a 4-0 win in the opener shows they still got it. The Fresh Kills are a bunch of godless heathens.
Vegas Line: Rainbows by 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: Rainbows
Watchability: 3.5 Deadly sins