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Week 19 Preview

Georgine’s More Of A Steelers Fan

GAME OF THE WEEK
Butchers (8-7-1) at Happy Little Elves (7-6-1-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Butchers and the Happy Little Elves may be tied in the overall standings heading into the final weekend of the regular season, but both teams have taken different paths to get here. The Butchers (aside from Ben Bloom) have put an emphasis on defense this season, beginning with the free agent signing of the glass-jawed Chris “Creamy” DiMotta. Bolstered by his presence, the team has surrendered fewer than two goals per game this season, and goaltender Eric Ramirez is fourth in the league with a 1.67 goals against average. The Happy Little Elves, on the other hand, have put no emphasis on defense at all. The team has yielded the third most goals in BTSH, but it has countered this flaw with the league’s top-ranked offense. The tandem of Gil Valdes and brunette sophomore Ryan Nakahara leads the Elves’ deep and explosive attack with 12 goals apiece. In this, the first meeting between these two teams, how will the Elves’ offense fare against the stingy Butchers defense?
Keys To The Game:
1. Although the Butchers have focused on defense this season, the team has also produced two of the league’s top scorers in Ben Bloom and “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis (né Weezy). The duo has combined for 27 of the team’s 44 goals.
2. Perhaps due to their new found “Fun and Gun” style of play, six of the Elves’ games have been tied at the end of regulation play.  However, the team has been relatively opportunistic in extra time with three wins via shootout and one tie.
3. With both of these teams locked in a four-way tie (with the Dark Rainbows and Mathematics) for 11th place, this game carries tremendous playoff implications.  Most likely, the loser of this matchup will fall into the bottom eight of the league and have to win five games in a row to claim the BTSH championship.  The winner stands a good shot to receive a restful bye next Sunday, when the opening weekend games are played.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  Captain Glanzer finally forces his team to clamp down on D.
Watchability: 4.5 Hawks.  Ka-kaw!

Denim Demons (9-6-0-1) at Sky Fighters (8-4-2-2)
Written by media intern Shaun deLacy
Location: Tompkins East, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 6-2
Game Notes: I have returned from my brief sojourn just in time to write this weekly preview. Fortunately, my week in the biohazard chamber have kept me healthy enough to type, and maybe even play in goal. With the ever-present threat of “rain fears” looming over the final week of the BTSH season, all-around family man James Stein faces off against shameless degenerate Aaron “Coach” Pagdon in a game that is sure to focus in on the play of each team’s goaltender. With both teams coming off brutal, high-scoring losses, defenses will need to tighten up if they plan to win. Fortunately, for these intrepid men between the pipes, neither of their respective teams has seemed particularly inclined to score over the past few weeks.
Shaun’s Pick: Sky Fighters – 2 goals is more than 1!
Watchability: 2.5 Games being forced to watch the pre-lockout Devils playing the trap.

Mathematics (7-6-2-1) at Gut Rot (2-14)
Written not-so heroically by Dr. Byron Clavicle’s Assistant Rajib Glazerouth
Location: Tompkins West, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 2-0
Game Notes: Please read 4,372 words first so you can Benify this game note. This is the battle of BTSH Good vs. BTSH Evil. One team supplies refs all the time, the other never does. I’m going with the Faces of BTSH, Derek and Elly. Plus, Math is also better at hockey and stuff.
Rich’s Pick: Tuques 1, Poutine 1
Watchability: 2 Happy Bdays from Eli Kazin. Math will win btw, 3-1

Poutine Machine (11-3-1-1) at La Famiglia (12-1-1-2)
Written heroically by Tuques beat reporter Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: La Famiglia leads 1-0
Game Notes: The battle of the (La Tuque) Cinderellas will be on at 1 PM. Both the Tuques and Poutine are having fantastic seasons. While Sven Larsen has wrapped up Captain of the Year honors after coming in 2nd last season, Dave Ladanyi has his squad firing on all cylinders as well. This will be the battle of offense vs. defense as the mighty Tuques offense tries to solve Tim Brown. In the end, the Tuques won’t be able to score at will off Tim, and will only muster one goal. But they’ll also only give up a goal, and this game will end in a 1-1 tie.
Rich’s Pick: 1-1
Watchability: Since Poutine is one of my picks to make the championship game, I’m going to go with 4 Clementes

Cobra Kai (5-7-1-3) at Mega Touch (5-10-1)
Written by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Cobra Kai leads 5-0
Game Notes: That’s what this week is all about. A win doesn’t do anything for these teams playoff rankings, so it’s all about setting a tone for the weeks to come. MT are on a high after Adriano’s spectacular five-goal performance last week (I can still hear the crowd chanting “Andiamo”), while Greg and the Camouflage Kings lost a heartbreaker to the Unis. But the Dojo do still have a perfect series record against the Touchers. It all comes down to this. Will Cobra Kai’s aging, balding white leader be better than Mega Touch’s aging, bald white leader? And why is that the question I seem to be asking about every BTSH game this year?
Sven’s Pick: I’ll give this one to the Snake Worshippers. I can’t see them losing three in a row, and MT are due for a letdown after last week.
Watchability: One PBR in a bag. If you’re not playing in this game, you’ll watch it for about 5 minutes and then go complain to Derek and Eli about the new Facebook layout.

Fresh Kills (11-3-2) at LBS, Inc. (10-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 13-5
Game Notes: Fresh Kills has already clinched the Hackett Division title, and thus the second seed in the BTSH playoffs. However, LBS, Inc. still has plenty to play for. A win would clinch the fifth seed in the playoffs, but a loss could send the Corporation as low as the tenth seed. Fresh Kills and LBS, Inc. met in Week 14, with Kills emerging with a 3-1 win.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  They relish the chance to knock the Corporation down a few pegs.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills
Watchability: 4 Hawks

What The Puck (9-5-1-1) at Dark Rainbows (8-7-0-1)
Written by Rubens Division correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 6-6
Game Notes: This wee,k the lovely ladies and lads of Filthy Gorgeous face-off against the scrappy melee that is the Gouging Anklebiters. However, despite spending most of the season reporting on Flithy, I’m not covering their game this week. Weird…
Anyway, this week, we’re looking at a pairing that, if they collided in a freak-accident, or aggressive play, would remind me of Big Bird’s legs. Both teams are close in rank, rounding out the bottom of the Hackett division, but neither team should be taken lightly. On May 15, 2011, WTP arrived to Tompkins Sq. Park only to discover that games were canceled due to “rain fears.” From then until now, they’ve been practicing their shuttle runs. At the same time, however, the Dark Rainbows were at home reveling in themselves as rainy days are their favorite kind of weather! Since then, they’ve just been hanging out. (I did Habitat for Humanity on some weekends with my youth group when I was in high school. The guy who ran the lodging for us would wake us by singing that song. If this guy had less teeth, I would’ve sworn it was him!)
I say if this game is tied at the end of regulation play, we let the offspring of each team duke it out in overtime; we can call it the Sesame Street Slaughter!
Abby’s Pick: We’ll call it a draw!
Watchability: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…, 11, 12!

Tompkins Square Riots (4-11-0-1) at Corlears Hookers (10-6)
Written by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: So I bet all of y’all think this thing is in the bag for the Hookers, don’t you? DON’T YOU? Well guess what? Both teams are coming off wins from last week, and whereas some may argue that a win against the Demons > a win against GAB, I would not be one of those “some.” A win’s a win, and the Riots are going to come out guns a’ blazing for this matchup and their third W in a row. The Hookers are no joke, of course, but hey, it’s possible I just jinxed them with a writeup like this. Look, D-Elly, I actually, like, did research for this writeup, and shit. I looked at standings. I pored over statistics. I don’t want to shut up, as this is my last writeup of the year [Ed: Unless you do a playoff preview.]. But I will. I’m just rambling now. Who’s playing again?
Monica’s Pick: Hookers. C’mon.
Watchability: An Amy Jones and a half.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Unicorns (9-5-0-2) at Rehabs (3-7-3-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 11-6-1
Game Notes: The last game of the regular season pits two of the BTSH Original Six, as well as a rematch of the 2002 Finals. Not much at stake here in the way of playoff seeding: the Unicorns have locked up second place in the Donohue Division, while the Rehabs punched their ticket to relegation back in July. The Rehabs have made a habit of losing close games, while the Unicorns specialize in winning the close ones, a difference that has yielded predictable results.
Vegas Line: Unicorns by 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: Take the points. These teams always play tight.
Watchability: 4 Snausages brand dog treats

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Gouging Anklebiters (5-11) at Filthy Gorgeous (9-6-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 7-2
Game Notes: In the insanely close Rubens Division race, Filthy Gorgeous can lock up a top playoff seed with a win and losses by the Hookers and Demons. There are probably some tiebreakers in there that would need to resolve, but the point is it’s close. The Anklebiters? They’ve allowed the 4th most goals in the league this year.
Vegas Line: Filthy by 3
Jesse the Greek says: Lay the points. A motivated FG runs away with it.
Watchability: 2 Ham and Cheese Hot Pockets

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