Hey Kiddies…

For the second season in a row, the media hosted the BTSH East-West All-Star Classic, pitting teams from opposite sides of the East River against each other.  The East, looking to avenge its loss in 2008, jumped to an early 1-0 lead, as the extremely dangerous $howT!m3-Mungo duo struck the first blow of the contest.  The teams then exchanged goals, as the game see-sawed for the remainder of the first half, which ended in a 2-2 tie.  However, the West dominated the second, with Sunny Mehra (Filthy Gorgeous) and Jefferson (Mexican Standoff) scoring quickly to provide a two-goal cushion.  Bill MacGregor (Mega Touch) continued the onslaught with a goal of his own and celebrated by leaping onto the dugout fence behind the goal, where he was warmly received by his Mega Touch teammates.  Derek Tagliarino (Mathematics) added another goal for the West just a few minutes later and attempted to duplicate MacGregor’s celebration.  Unfortunatley, the entire Mega Touch section remained seated, prompting East co-coach Stacy Kehoe (Rehabs) to declare the spectacle “the saddest celebration in BTSH”.  The West ultimately won 8-2.

Once again, the contributions of the coaches buoyed the enjoyment of the afternoon.  West co-coach Steve Chernoski (Denim Demons) donned an electric lime track suit, headband, and sunglasses in an homage to New Jersey culture.  The other West co-coach, Georgine “Mulva” Paulin (Mathematics) came dressed as a “douchebag real estate agent” (her words) to represent her home borough of Manhattan.  In addition, Paulin provided a sack of chocolate gold for her team as an incentive to win.  East co-coach Rich Glanzer did nothing to help his team win.  In fact, he even tried playing a shift in the second half, resulting in yet another goal for the West (and a -1 for Glanzer).

At the conclusion of the game, several players participated in an impromptu shootout (although this had NO bearing on the game’s result).  Some of the highlights included Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker’s pre-attempt flip and perfect landing, a salute to “Thriller” before Ariel Imas’ shot, and Susannah’s goal off of a multi-teammate screen.  However, upon further review, Susannah’s goal has been disallowed due to the fact that teammate Rob “Mungo” Gorden was in the crease.

Everyone Was Happy To See The Barnacle Again

Despite all of the buzz surrounding the All-Star Game, Sunday also featured a special surprise guest appearance.  Former Happy Little Elves and Cobra Kai legend, Jonathan “The Barnacle” Levine, returned to BTSH to formally award the Elves their prestigious Barnacle Bowl trophy for winning the season series against Cobra Kai.  Elves representative Rich Glanzer gladly accepted the trophy.

A Special Message From Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez

Eight years, many memories, and no regrets. I came into BTSH thanks to Alex “Villano VI” Zabala and former Unicorns captain Amy Baker. I have made many friends throughout the years, including many new friends in the last couple of years, even during what may be my last BTSH game (the All-Star game). YES, there is retirement talk in the air, BUT when I am ready to return to BTSH I hope that I can thank everyone for their love and support in these difficult times. Also, special thanks to Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer for having me as a member of the “Bad Touch,” and thanks to mi familia Meredith, Bryan, and the rest of the Rehabs, and every single member of BTSH for caring.

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Ray Chan
Team: Cobra Kai
Nickname: Domino
Rejected Nicknames: Deuce, Cherry, Backgammon, Ski
Origin: The other side of the tracks
College: The School of Hard Knocks
Quote: “Damn it!  Why am I Domino?”
Early Aspirations: To achieve the American Dream
First Job: Soda jerk at Mr. Quigley’s Malt Shoppe
Current Job: Assistant basketball coach at Hickory High School in rural Indiana
Hero: Elvis Presley
Reason to Love Him: He knocked out the school bully at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance
Reason to Hate Him: He was a bit of a showoff during the time he jumped the shark while waterskiing.
Fast Fact: During his spare time, Ray enjoys listening to Fats Domino’s records.
Favorite Things: Sock hops, I Love Lucy, Dwight D. Eisenhower, hula hoops
Least Favorite Things: The Soviet Union, polio, Adlai E. Stevenson II, lousy Beatniks
Best Known For: Racing his car Greased Lightning to a victory over Leo of the Scorpions (not Mexican Standoff)
Hockey Comparison: Dickie Moore
Non-Hockey Comparison: James Dean
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him: He still has absolutely no idea why he’s called Domino.
Down the Road: The rock band Weezer films a music video at Arnold’s Drive-In, his local hangout.