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Week 19 Game Previews – Part 2

Again???

Again???

Filthy Gorgeous at Corlears Hookers
2:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Monica “the Hookers, again?” Russo

Highlights of this season…let’s see: we’ve had a few new people added to our team this year (huge special shout out to Jessie and Sharif), and if we could get a semi-regular roster of people to show up, we’d be unstoppable. Like, people would seriously not be able to stop us. 

As for the game? I believe we’ll beat the Hookers. Here’s why: because they have a teeny roster issue, too. And it has to happen eventually. Who knows. I’ve been lax about these writeups, I know. Let’s be happy I got words on paper.
Have a great last game (for most of you).

Editor’s Note: Thanks to Monica for being the only reporter who actually wrote about the theme we suggested this week

Fresh Kills at Sky Fighters,
4:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

So the question of the week is will Dave Sokol rest his starters? Gabe and Alex were out for blood in their game against Filthy Gorgeous last week. So much so that goalie Aaron could smell the Hai Karate deodorant that is still mysteriously sold in the duo’s native Quebec. The question is why? Are there secret performance bonuses we don’t know about? For the Fighters, their middle of the pack ranking means there’s not much to play for here either (no one is going to remember the second team that beat Fresh kills). Expect this to look more like an exhibition game than a frenzied rivalry.

Butchers at Poutine Machine
4;00 pm, Tompkins Square West

On the other hand, there’s a fair bit at stake in this one. Poutine are fighting for positioning in the play in round and the Butcher wouldn’t mind moving up in another notch in the standings. Poutine looked solid in a 2-1 shootout loss to La Famiglia last week and it looks like their suffocating defence of 2012 is making a comeback. But they score less than Rich Glanzer on Ladies Night. The Butchers didn’t have any problem finding the back of the net during their 5-1 trouncing of the Rehabs. But they were aided by the fact that the Rehabs were even more short benched than they were. If they show up with 7 players again, things could be rough for them. But if they can manage a decent roster showing, expect this to be a tight game.

Rehabs at Tompkins Square Riots
5:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

Depending on how things go, these two teams could see each other again next week. So let’s get some nice animosity going. We’re looking for Laura McNeil to pull a Claude Lemieux and take out the Showtime. The Brian Welch and Amy Jones can start throwing chairs at each other. Let’s see the Riots live up to their name and the Rehabs rally the burnt out survivors of Tompkins Square Park. It’s the last game of the season. Someone has to do something to get the BTSH punters invested!

Editor’s Note: We lost a few intrepid reporters this season but there is still hope that journalism isn’t dead. After a lengthy absence, we’re excited to welcome back an old colleague. Maybe he’ll explain that whole lime toss thing …

Gouging Anklebiters at Lbs
5:00 pm, Tompkins Square West

My esteemed “the ORG”,

Because I’ve been so busy unearthing 19th-century newspaper articles for my ethnography of Lime Toss, I haven’t had time to write the preview you requested for the Pounds vs. Anklebiters match. But here’s a preview of the preview.  There will be lots of phrases like “Karsten’s audacious cherrypicking” and “the Judge Crater-like disappearance of Ken” for the Pounds, and regarding their opposition, things like “the enigmatic firepower of Joe Pollalulachuk” (I’ll look up the spelling if I have time) and the “‘Biters’ Wagnerian _sturm und drang_ personified in that flaxen valkyrie Courtney ‘Coco’ Butler.” I actually took those phrases from older articles and just changed the names. I doubt anyone will notice. Sports journalism is usually written with a thesaurus and a book of Mad Libs… That’s clearly how Eli does it, anyway! (I won’t put that kind of snark in my preview though.) 

I’ll also feature a “Where Are They Now?” segment on Anklebiter alumnus Eric Dipierri (see recent photo, attached)

btsh_yodelingdipieriand throw in a cornucopia of droll bon mots to fill up space. I’ve already picked two random numbers between 0 and 10 for the score, and flipped a coin to assign the winner. The result was Anklebiters 9, Pounds 4. That sounds plausible I guess, although I must admit I don’t have much experience with skeet hockey. 

By the way, in case I wind up on the lecture circuit, is Pounds the same team as LBS? It’s kind of confusing. Shouldn’t LBS be pronounced “Elbs”? Well, either way, I should finish a draft of the preview by mid-January. 

Sincerely,

Dr. Byron Clavicle, PhD, OBE, XTC, and PSAT-NMSQT

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