That’s it.  I give up.  I concede.  The ladies of BTSH truly run this world.  And here’s their (superior) version of the Week 18 Previews – Part 1.

by a fine looking collection of  Anonymous Lovely Ladies

Gremlins at Cobra Kai

Gremlins superstar scorer, Maire L., returned from her vacation abroad and is hungry to regain the league lead. Maire nets a pair with assists from Allison B. and Caitlin E.. The Rachels (N., L. and I.) of Cobra Kai try the triangle rotation and manage to wrist a few shots on net. Cobra Kai keeps hunting for an opening and a surprise appearance by Dani R. in the second half allows them to re-strategize. But Dr. Cathy Cho holds it down for the Gremlins D and stops all of the Dojo’s Rachels from scoring.

Gremlins 2-0

Butchers at Mega Touch

Get ready for this classic showdown between Rachel G. and Julie K.. Many Butcher ladies are feeling renewed after a visit to Martha’s Vineyard. Both Rachel and Drake H. are looking to make it three goals for this season and accomplish that in this game. Mega Touch has been ruling the HiFi division as Captain Julie competed hard during the recruitment season and finally signed Cheeky H. But, has anyone seen Gunner K.? Mega takes the cake this time with shots of Tito on the side.

Mega wins this close one – 3-2

Riots at Rainbows

Feeling fresh from the championship game in Ocean City, Cat B. gets the Rainbows on the scoreboard early. Despite the early goal, Captain Jones and the Riots keep the game tight as Jen A. moves ball up the sidelines and gets one in for the Riots right before halftime. Rainbows Captain Abby M. creates a solid regrouping plan during halftime and they don’t look back as they score 4 more before the last whistle.

Also, get well soon, Suz P.!

Rainbows 5-1

Anklebiters at Fuzz

It’s 5 o’clock somewhere and the ‘biters are enjoying bloody marys on the sideline courtesy of Diana M. to keep them going on the court. The drinks are in full force as Caroline B. tips in a goal to begin the game. Fuzz keeps the game tight the entire time with Alyssa M. and Alexa T. finding the back of the net quickly after the ‘biters each time. An appearance by Luisa M. sends this game into OT. With the BTSH heckle wall going strong now due to the mid-day game, Fuzz has a turnover to Amy D. and she puts it away.

Anklebiters 4-3 (OT)

Poutine at Gut Rot

Following the spirit of the BTSH Olympics, Gut Rot challenges Poutine to a chugging contest at the start of the game, then quickly put themselves on the scoreboard as Morgan S. pots one while waiting for Poutine to finish the beer. However, Captain Jo-Ann P., quickly has Poutine rally by making Charlotte M. shotgun a tallboy before rifling one in from a sideline inbound.  In the end Poutine gets it done, but GUT ROT BITCHEZZZZ.

Poutine 3-1

And here’s my adequate take on this week’s games…

Gremlins at Cobra Kai

My beloved Gremmies need to win their next two games in order to not repeat 2014 and move down to the Hi-Fi Division.  Not that there is anything wrong with Hi-Fi (well, the Division at least), it is just that I enjoy playing against them twice a year.  Hey, Mills, when’s that dude coming back that busted his foot in May?  You guys could use a little more offensive production and any signs of life from Alex (maybe another bee will get him going).

The Evil Dojo has been on fire lately.  Producing 13 goals in their last two games (yep, you read that correctly).  And it wasn’t just from luck.  With Liam switching to defense he’s been gobbling up all cross court passes in his zone.

Prediction: Not even Jamie will be able to keep a Rachel off the score sheet or CK out of the W column, 4-2.

Butchers at Mega Touch

We’re a little concerned for the Mega Touch down the stretch this season.  With the NFL kicking off the 2016 season on Sunday (yes, we know there’s a Thursday night game, but who cares) Alok and Julie are more interested in their Fantasy Football teams than their BTSH one.

Do the Butchers like American football?  Might as well, they won the Johnsons Division about a month ago and have been looking a hobby to keep them occupied until the playoffs begin.

Prediction: Butchers distract Mega on court with NFL storylines and win 7-1.

Tompkins Square Riots at Dark Rainbows

We’d like to take this opportunity to pour a little out for Suz-P.  On Sunday, August 21^st she was viciously attacked by a sub off of the Free Agent list which resulted in a trip to ER.  Get well soon, baby.  The Riots and BTSH already miss you.

If the Norri ever get around to producing a BTSH reality web series they need to cast Cat from the Rainbows.  The side conversations with her at the BTSH Olympics were pure gold.  And if you were to tell me she registered herself as a team at the Ocean City tournament and faced teams 1 on 5, I’d believe it.

Prediction: The Riots overcome the loss of a great teammate and narrowly escape their encounter with the Rainbows 2-1.

Gouging Anklebiters at Fuzz

Dear Biters,

Would you kindly shut the Fuzz up?  No really, their Facebook participation has surpassed the threshold of Outrageously Obnoxious.  From Wrestling references and memes to how many championships they’ve apparently already won (or are going to win – I’m confused), it has hit a tipping point.  We will kindly pay Tuesday for a victory today.

Sincerely,

The Greater BTSH Community

Prediction: Still hung over from OC, the Biters fizzle against the Fuzz and fall 5-2.

Poutine Machine at Gut Rot

The (Drunk) Machine is locked in and focused on leapfrogging Mega Touch in their Division and taking home the title.  After featuring not one, but TWO contestants in the Hot Legs Olympic event and following it up by tearing up / pounding out OC – they are absolutely just full of themselves.  Supposedly they are just better, or so we’ve all heard.

Having said that, the 3 pm slot hasn’t been kind to Poutine this year and Gut Rot is a team that is due for another win before the season is over.  Heather, Morgen and Perko are ready to silence that rowdy bunch and do some celebrating of their own.

Prediction: Jesus takes the wheel and steers Gut Rot to their second victory of the season, 5-4.