Week 17 Previews: Part One

Cobra Kai (final game: Corlears Hookers) at Filthier (final game: Fuzz)
by Arya Stark

Arya is putting on her best Chadflake impression so I’m left to write this one on the fly.  Perhaps she didn’t survive the latest leaked episode.

Sorry CK, you might as well take the day off and enjoy the weather at the beach or museum.  (See yesterday’s piece on What Teams Need.)

Filthier 2017

In the event that CK doesn’t take my advice then you better show up Filthier, because the evil dojo is a bit irked by that article.  Best of luck!

Prediction: both teams perform admirably, but Filthy wins in regulation.

Instant Karma (final game: Gut Rot) at Fuzz (final game: Filthier)
by JW

I can’t think of anything funny today, so unfortunately I think I’m going to have to make this an actual preview. Hmm, Fuzz + Karma = Farma….. = Big Pharma? Maybe there is something there, that I can work with? Nah, I give up. Actual hockey preview…….here we go.

Karma has struggled this season, however they have been improving in recent weeks, and they notched 2 points last week. While Chadwick was traveling through eastern Europe recruiting new hockey talent and playing the kazoo at open mic nights, Isaac was actually recruiting new hockey talent, right here at home. With Alex’s departure to the wrong coast, Karma is also on the hunt for a new goalie. Right before playoff time. I cannot think of a worse place to be. Well, other than at a Dave Matthews concert. However, they are trying out a new guy this week, so things may be looking up for our turquoise……what rhymes with turquoise? Hmm, I’ll work on that one and get back to you. Also, I won’t predict Nicole to score this week, because it hasn’t been working for me.

Fuzz has been exactly at .500 all season long, and they still are. They have had some attendance issues, which have hurt them. They have also had some issues getting the box scores done this week, but that’s a whole other story. Since they’re always at .500, predicting what is going to happen to them in a given game is very difficult. But I know exactly what is going to happen to them in this game: Alexa ends up with a ref cancelling at the last minute, has to ref her own game, and doesn’t get to play in it. Jeff is still at home doing the box scores from last week, so he doesn’t get to play in the game. Rich gets stuck on the LIE and doesn’t make the game. Gil is in Rich’s car and doesn’t make the game. Alyssa gets stuck in a snowstorm up in her native Buffalo, her flight is cancelled, and she misses the game.

Normally the obvious favorite in this matchup would be Fuzz, but given the Murphy’s Law situation that they’re going to go through on Sunday, this one will be closer than you think, as it goes to OT.

– Someone with the last name Vernoia scores. I won’t say which one. (Maybe both?)
– Nicole does not score. (I’m trying to employ a reverse jinx here, let’s see if it works.)
– Karma’s free agent goalie plays well.
– Alexa finds a sub ref at halftime, and is able to play the 2nd half.
– Glanzer is somehow -2, even though he didn’t make the game. (That one was for you, Hicks. Sorry to hear about the injury, bud.)

Prediction: Fuzz has at times gotten a bad rap, but they aren’t evil. Big Pharma is evil. However, like Big Pharma……they win.

Walsh continues his hot streak and gets the OT winner. Fuzz 4-3, in OT.

What The Puck (final game: Poutine Machine) at Denim Demons (final game: Mathematics)
by Isaac

It’s hard to imagine the Demons finishing the season with single digit points.  Yeah, sure we know there’s still an amber alert out Sefi, but still, there’s too much talent to count them out (even when fasting).  The moxie that the Rosen bros bring each week is sure to be the key for the Demons in this one.

Denim Demons 2017

Speaking of players with dauntlessness and determination, the Pucks are full of them!  Zac’s been averaging a goal + a game, Sam tasted the Box Scores a couple weeks ago, and there isn’t a challenge that Susie would back down from.  They may be in Justin’s division, but they play Julie’s.

Prediction: a close contest throughout this match, but it will the veteran savvy of the Demons that prevails by 4-3.

Gremlins (final game: Mega Touch) at Rehabs (final game: LBS, Inc.)
by Sultan

I hate both of these teams.

The Gremlins ruined the hopes and dreams of many Survivor people including myself, because we almost all picked them over Karma. I mean who thought Karma could win that game? They were without Walker, Walsh and the myriad of players from other teams that typically play for Karma, who hate the free agent list as much as Trump hates people who dislike Nazis.

Meanwhile the Rehabs beat Fuzz 6-2 last week…even though I’m fairly certain none of their goals went into the net, and Sena paid off the refs.  But alas, a Sultan must forgive his loyal subjects.

Prediction: this game comes down to one thing. How good will Jamie play? If Jamie can be on his A-game, and the Gremmies sans Erich (bc he’s not playing) can dump the ball, create some offense, cover the Rehabs well…they too can lose only 6-2. But if Jamie only plays well, the Gremmies lose their man in space, then it can be a lot worse. I’m feeling generous today, I’ll go with the Rehabs 5-0. 5-1 if Eric plays net. Team $h0wT!m3!!

Sky Fighters (final game: Gouging Anklebiters) at Tompkins Square Riots (final game: Dark Rainbows)
by Gorgeous Greene

The Skyfighters still have the Soko Division in their sights, if they win the next two games, and Math and Butchers lose(and/or throw their games) Smiles and his brother are moving on up. Have fun with that, guys. What does this mean to the Riots? Absolutely nothing. Dave GDR still doesn’t want to let Olivier or his sidekick Jake score a goal. Laura will tenaciously chase down every ball. Joe will do that thing where he is fast and scores goals. Suz definitely smiles more, but she it doesn’t mean she wants to win any less.

Tompkins Square Riots 2017

All that being said, the Skyfighters have some serious firepower.

Prediction: 4-3 Sky Fighters.  Enjoy Soko.


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