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Week 17 Preview

Everything’s Coming Up Rehabs

GAME OF THE WEEK
Dark Rainbows (10-5-1) vs. Rehabs (10-4-1-1)
Location:
Corlears North, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-3
Game Notes: The Rehabs have had a season of large ebbs and flows this year.  After a mid-season three-game losing streak, they have been on fire in recent weeks and won their last four in a row.  Despite having to adjust to the losses of key players Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman and Stacy Kehoe, they have scored twenty-eight goals in their last three games, while allowing only three.  The Dark Rainbows, on the other hand, have struggled lately, losing their last two games and scoring only three goals since returning from the break.  However, they can glean some hope from their last few games, as goalie Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell has returned to his usual form.  In the month of September, he has allowed only five goals, including a shutout of a very potent Fresh Kills offense.  With only one point separating these two teams in the standings, playoff positioning will be at stake.
Keys To The Game:
1. Dark Rainbows superstar John Nielsen had been conspicuously absent for several weeks until returning to the lineup last Sunday.  Throughout the first part of the season, he had been towards the top of the league scoring leaders, and the Rainbows will need him to return to form.
2. Since transferring to the Rehabs, Andy Levine has averaged more than a goal per game.  This mid-season acquisition may have been the spark the Rehabs needed to ignite their once sputtering offense.
3. With all of the Rehabs star power and bar notoriety, Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett and Lateef Nurmohamed both seem to get lost in the shuffle.  However, both are capable of multi-goal games and are just as dangerous as some of their more renowned teammates.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs.  They finally appear to be realizing their full potential.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  The Rainbows may make a deep run in the playoffs, but for now, the Rehabs offense will just be too much to handle.

Cobra Kai (5-9-1) vs. Unicorns (9-6-0-1)
Location:
Moffo, 12:30 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 3-0
Game Notes: After losing six games in a row, Cobra Kai enters the weekend on a two-game winning streak.  Although the season may be considered a little bit of a disappointment for them thus far, star player Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta has been a rare bright spot, as he now has nine goals in his last three games.
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns

Happy Little Elves (1-15-1) vs. Corlears Hookers (12-3)
Location:
Corlears North, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: If the Corlears Hookers win this game as well as their second game (against the Sky Fighters), they will clinch at least the second seed in the playoffs.  Should the Hookers lose…never mind, that won’t happen.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  After last week, I’m never picking the Elves again.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  However, Hockey Rich is the greatest Elf in the history of BTSH…or so he claims.

Filthy Gorgeous (11-4-1) vs. What The Puck (13-2-0-1)
Location:
Corlears South, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: A win, tie, or shootout loss is all What The Puck needs to clinch first place for the BTSH regular season.  However, Filthy Gorgeous will bring their A game, as they still have a slim chance of finishing as high as third place.
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  If they win, it makes the Hookers-Sky Fighters game very meaningful.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  Outside sources report that the team may be very low in attendance this week, but Captain Mad Dog always finds a way…

Sky Fighters (9-6) vs. Gouging Anklebiters (4-12)
Location:
Moffo, 1:30 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 5-4
Game Notes: Although the Sky Fighters currently sit in ninth place, they could finish as high as sixth or as low as eleventh by the end of the day.  The Gouging Anklebiters have the distinct honor of being the first team in BTSH to clinch any seed.  Unfortunately for them, they are fifteenth.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  They have something to play for, so they’ll come out hungry.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters…not that I really picture Amy Lott sitting in front of the standings and working out every possible scenario either.

Tuques (6-9) vs. Mighty Squirrels (7-6-3)
Location:
Corlears South, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tuques lead 5-1
Game Notes: Although everyone in BTSH will make the playoffs, the Squirrels will head in with a lot less steam than many of the other teams in the league.  They have now lost their last six games in a row, with one last chance to regain the swagger they had in the beginning of the season.  This will be the first of two winnable games for the Tuques, who are also looking to gain some momentum before the postseason.
Eli’s Pick: Tuques
Derek’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels.  With two of the league’s top goalies facing each other in this one, I can see a very low scoring game.

Bad Touch (1-14-1) vs. Mathematics (5-11)
Location:
Moffo, 2:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 2-1
Game Notes: The Mathematics are playing some of their best hockey of the season now, which comes at just the right time.  As some of the new players continue to gel with the team, a win could give them a nice boost for their opening round playoff game.

Fresh Kills (8-7-0-1) vs. Mexican Standoff (1-12-2-1)
Location:
Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 9-0
Game Notes: Despite Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg’s absence last week, Fresh Kills still managed to put up eight goals against the Mighty Squirrels.  This offensive proclivity does not bode well for Mexican Standoff, who lost via the mercy rule last week.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills

LBS, Inc. (12-3-1) vs. Denim Demons (11-2-2-1)
Location:
Corlears South, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 7-1-1
Game Notes: Whoever wins this game will clinch at least the third seed, but could also finish as high as second.  However, the loser of the game could finish as low as fifth.  Looking at the history of this series, this may not be a good scenario for the Denim Demons.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  Even with the self-proclaimed cleanest player in the game Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin playing in this one, be prepared for a very heated and intense matchup.

Corlears Hookers (12-3) vs. Sky Fighters (9-6)
Location:
Moffo, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 1-0
Game Notes: The Corlears Hookers should theoretically know whether it is still mathematically possible for them to finish in first before this game begins.  However, with this game taking place at a different location from What The Puck’s, it is questionable how quickly word will travel from Corlears to Moffo.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  Although this will be the third game of the day for most of the Hookers, it is still very tough to beat them at Moffo.

Tuques (6-9) vs. Cobra Kai (5-9-1)
Location:
Corlears South, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Cobra Kai leads 2-0
Game Notes: This is a makeup of the now infamous “Rain Fears” game from July.  Incidentally, it will now be the last game of the BTSH regular season.
Eli’s Pick: Cobra Kai
Derek’s Pick: Tuques

Media Records:
Eli:
87-40
Derek: 87-40

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